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aibu to my younger sister?

(215 Posts)
Blackout234 Sat 03-Jan-15 11:56:27

My sister (16 years old) is 20 weeks pregnant, i'm also pregnant(19 weeks)she is having a boy. I'm having a girl. for the last two days work has been heaving (I'm a mobile hairdresser, earnings vary) and i've earned alot of money, So I decided to go out and get myself some second hand pieces of baby clothing and look for a cot (for myself), however when doing so I came across a huge bundle of items for £150, when I say huge I mean HUGE. I can't even list everything in it but the main things are 10x massive bags of baby boy clothes up to 18 months, A lovely mamas and papas cot, a swing, playmat, changing table and an Icandy travel system. I went out and bought it (and filled my estate car to the brim!) I went and gave it to my sister for her birthday (Which is today), I didn't wrap anything but spent an hour at my mums house(Where sis lives) before she got out of bed putting everything up nicely and putting some ribbons on the bigger items. Its not like I handed it to her in black bags.
She came downstairs and went straight to her other gifts on the table, fairenough. then when I showed her what i'd gotten she seemed so unbothered by it then said "Eh i'm not really fussed to be honest with you. thanks but no thanks" Aibu to think she could have been a bit nicer? she's kept the stuff but i went above and beyond for her to do something nice (Ontop of shelling out for GHD's for today for her) . Shes 16, no job and her only income is 30 a week EMA so she's been unable to afford anything so far, i thought i was doing a nice thing sad

nilbyname Sat 03-Jan-15 11:58:54

I think she's an ungrateful brat and I wojld be taking back the lot, re selling it including the ghds!

You sound lovely, what a kind thing to do.

Feelingverydishonest Sat 03-Jan-15 11:59:09

You were doing a nice thing, she was Being very ungreatful!

EatShitDerek Sat 03-Jan-15 11:59:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tulipblank Sat 03-Jan-15 11:59:54

I would be over the moon if you'd sone this for me. But I'm in my 30s and had lots of birthdays when I've been spoilt.

At 16 I would have been secretly gutted if I got a load of presents for someone else for my birthday.

It was a lovely gesture, but at 16 she might not appreciate it. I wouldn't have.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 03-Jan-15 12:02:41

I might not appreciate baby clothes for a 16th birthday, that's why I didn't have a baby until I was in my thirties. Like it or not, she needs to grow up a lot in the next 20 weeks. I think your gift was nice and would have been enough without expensive hair straighteners on top.

CluelessDil Sat 03-Jan-15 12:03:15

Maybe she wanted to source/have some input into buying her own baby things?

You did a lovely thing but I think it would be better if your sister had been there too. I'm sure she is grateful but perhaps a bit hurt and given she is so young might not be able to articulate this too well?

DaisyFlowerChain Sat 03-Jan-15 12:04:14

She's still a child, most children would be disappointed to get gifts for someone else on their birthday.

Perhaps it was a stark reminder of the situation she is in and that she's one not going to be like other 16 year olds and is having a harsh wake up call.

However she needs to grow up very quickly, old enough to get herself on this situation so old enough to deal with it and be grateful somebody helped her out. Where else did she imagine the items would magically appear from?

AlpacaMyBags Sat 03-Jan-15 12:07:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieKaye Sat 03-Jan-15 12:07:42

You got her GHDs for her birthday, plus all this for her baby - she's a lucky girl to have such a lovely sister.

Hopefully she's just a bit overwhelmed with all that is happening.

redexpat Sat 03-Jan-15 12:08:14

She'll appreciate it once her baby arrives. I think she's probably a bit selfcentered like most 16 year olds. She'll grow out of it. Also she might just have been overwhlemed by the amount of stuff. I was when my mum and I started going through baby stuff she'd saved, and I was 30 at the time. She might also be overwhlemed or in denial about her own situation.

VanitasVanitatum Sat 03-Jan-15 12:12:18

She was completely BU. No idea why other posters are saying it was understandable to be disappointed as you got her a very expensive gift for herself too.

I would honestly take all of the baby stuff back and keep/sell it, and tell her that really hurt. You made a lovely effort and she was very thoughtless. She is sixteen and not a child.

CluelessDil Sat 03-Jan-15 12:14:05

Consider age may or may not be a factor though. I'm 31, ttc and if I was pregnant I would be gutted that a family member chose all of my baby things.

Yes I'm older so would be able to put a face on it, recognise the person had done a nice thing and be gracious but inside I'd be disappointed.

She probably feels quite out of control right now, her body, financially etc and this might have been something she was looking forward to.

Or I am letting my own emotions cloud my view and she's just a brat! I hope not. Op will know best

MissHJ Sat 03-Jan-15 12:15:34

I would take it all back and keep it for yourself. 16 or not she should know by now to be grateful for things. She needs to grow up quickly if she only has 20 weeks to go. What did your mum say? My mum would be furious and would have to say something if me or my younger sister treated each other like this.

GraysAnalogy Sat 03-Jan-15 12:19:48

I thought EMA had been stopped?

Yeah she's bloody cheeky and ungrateful though.

Chillyegg Sat 03-Jan-15 12:23:24

I'm trying to put my self in the shoes of being 16 (or if it's her birthday is she 17) and pregnant. Im guessing it might of been a stark reality check along side the fact she's still a kid and birthdays are still "special" I'm in my 20's and 25 weeks pregnant and I'd be really really grateful and pleased with what you got me! It's a lovly idea and would of made the birthday experience more special. But she's 16 and maybe not come to terms with the life changes that are happening! It's hard being pregnant for everyone (mostly) but to be so young wtc it must feel like a whole other kettle of fish.

JeffVaderRunsTheDeathStar Sat 03-Jan-15 12:25:53

Take it back. She is very ungrateful.

Chillyegg Sat 03-Jan-15 12:29:27

That all aside I do agree she impolite.

QueenElsa Sat 03-Jan-15 12:29:45

She's being completely ungrateful although maybe she wanted to pick out things herself?
I remember having a very unreasonable meltdown when I was 20 weeks because my MIL bought a pink sleep suit from Mothercare, and I hadn't yet! I wanted to be the first one to buy pink when we found out we were having a DD! I was 19 and hadn't stepped foot in Mothercare before so wanted it to be a big thing. It was so stupid and I cringe now. grin

Blackout234 Sat 03-Jan-15 12:34:41

Ema has been stopped across england, we're in wales. She can articulate herself very well,so it may just be the hormones or something else i'm just upset that i did so much and didn't even get a thank you.

NickiFury Sat 03-Jan-15 12:37:04

I don't think she is massively ungrateful actually. Why she supposed to be so grateful? Because she is 16 and should be grateful for an older family member picking out her entire range of baby equipment? If she was older no one would think this was ok. I think it's quite patronising to insist that she should be oh so grateful because of her judged to be not particularly ideal situation.

It was nice of you OP, it really was but she should have been allowed more input.

Blackout234 Sat 03-Jan-15 12:42:15

Well, yes, if you're on 30 a week and using that for travel and food with no source of income until you're very heavily pregnant you should at least try to act somewhat grateful. I'm 19 myself so shes only 3 years younger than me, we're on a 190 a week guaranteed income plus what i earn so no guarantees there. I'd be bloody stoked if someone did what i did for me.

DaisyFlowerChain Sat 03-Jan-15 13:13:57

Nick, it was a gift though so often the person receiving gets no input regardless of age.

Unless the 16 year old has savings, then how would she get to choose and go shopping? This way she has what she needs, beggars can't be choosers. If she wanted brand new and to her exact tastes, then perhaps she should have thought of that before getting pregnant whilst still at school with no income.

QuinnTwinny Sat 03-Jan-15 13:40:13

Why are people excusing her behaviour? Yes she's 16, she's young. She is old enough to bring a child into the world though, so should be damn grateful that her sister is being so incredibly kind. Not only buying her GHDs but also baby stuff. She needs to grow up fast if that's the kind of attitude she has.

Trills Sat 03-Jan-15 13:48:17

She probably feels quite out of control right now, her body, financially etc and this might have been something she was looking forward to.

I'd like to think that this is at least a contributing factor.

Not just selfishness or immaturity but a desire to be mature and "responsible", and part of that responsibility being making her own choices.

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