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AIBU?

To think that a 12year old doing this is wrong?

226 replies

disneymum3 · 02/01/2015 22:00

Today I found out that my 12 year old niece is sexually active with her boyfriend. I know that her mum (my sister in law) knows what she is doing, and hasn't said anything to her / isn't bothered.
I feel that this is wrong and she shouldn't be doing this sort of thing at the age of 12. The thing is I don't know what to do.
Any advice on this will be greatly received TIA.

OP posts:
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Quitethewoodsman · 02/01/2015 22:02

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RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 02/01/2015 22:02

Child protection issue surely? Parent not protecting a minor under 13.

Social services would be my first port of call. Drop them a call

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Methe · 02/01/2015 22:03

Well it is absolutely wrong but I have lots and lots of friends who lost their virginity very young and none of them seemed to have been damaged by it.

What you should do depends on the age of the boy involved

Same age - talk to mum

Older consider talking to the police.

Substantially older definitely talk to the police.

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soverylucky · 02/01/2015 22:05

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70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/01/2015 22:06

Oh Shock - I have a 12.6 yo DD and I'd be horrified .
How old is the boyfriend?
Is she being co-erced at all (even if she 'consents' she's not legally old enough to)

And is she using contraception and a barrier method?

Is the Mum really not bothered or does she not know how to broach it?

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MrsDiesel · 02/01/2015 22:07

How old is the boyfriend and how do you know they are sexually active?

I would talk to her mother as a starting point.

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Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/01/2015 22:08

This is a CP issue. How old is the BF?

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Tinkerball · 02/01/2015 22:09

What is her Mum actually saying about it? Of course she shouldnt be plus its illegal.

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Rivercam · 02/01/2015 22:11

12! What do,you mean by sexually active - kissing or a lot more intimate? Is guess kissing could be harmless, but anything more is much too much. Is a 12 year old emotionally ready for that?

I'd follow what Methe says.

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RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 02/01/2015 22:11

Those saying talk to the mum, this is a minor under 13 and so legally cannot give consent..any serial activity is rape

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WooWooOwl · 02/01/2015 22:12

Of course she shouldn't be doing this, and if her boyfriend is the same age, nor should he. They should both be getting better guidance and protection from their parents.

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ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 02/01/2015 22:12

What do you mean sexually active?

I wouldn't be happy with it, but it is really common.

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Bowlersarm · 02/01/2015 22:13

Even if the boyfriend is the same age chestnuts?

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Quitethewoodsman · 02/01/2015 22:14

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ghostyslovesheep · 02/01/2015 22:14

she's not having sex she is being abused - a 12 year old can't consent to sex - he is breaking the law :(

please talk to her mum and if she wont act you must - via SS

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nilbyname · 02/01/2015 22:15

A child cannot give consent. This is a child protection issue and I would be taking this further in your shoes.

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Methe · 02/01/2015 22:15

A 12 year old and a 12 year old? Who's abusing who?

A 12 year old and a 15 year old I get what your saying.

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ghostyslovesheep · 02/01/2015 22:16

two 12 year olds then the adults allowing sex to happen would be breaking the law and allowing abuse

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Babiecakes11 · 02/01/2015 22:17

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mumofthemonsters808 · 02/01/2015 22:17

I have a daughter of this age and regardless of the boys age I'd be mortified.

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ghostyslovesheep · 02/01/2015 22:18

and I don't understand people bogging this down with semantics about the law rather than being a bit shocked about a child having sex Hmm

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Greywackejones · 02/01/2015 22:18

Oh heavens. If my dd I'd be sick and flip.

As an observer, how do you know? And in all seriousness what do you know? It's illegal. But a relationship is vastly different to casual or something. You say mum isn't bothered, but isn't bothered by what exactly? Him? Her? Sex at a young age? I think there's a lot of grey in a human point, where law might be b or white... Sounds s massive backstory for certain

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RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 02/01/2015 22:18

From my understanding yes. A child under 13 cannot legally consent to sex and a child having sex under 13 would possibly indicate other factors that need investigating

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ghostyslovesheep · 02/01/2015 22:19

Babiecakes the child(ren) could be removed from the home if the adults can't or wont protect them - there is a lot that could and would be done

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RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 02/01/2015 22:19

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=MhinVO7nHMP5Uov3g6gL&url=www.londonscb.gov.uk/files/procedures/sexually_active_children_procedure.doc&ved=0CBwQFjAA&usg=AFQjCNGNkmQjpQJQVqxvgkQ5PValpdfmjQ&sig2=ZQ0JsTnhBFf36f1e1Hu7Uw." rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">Hope this works!!

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