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To tell dh we aren't getting a dog anymore

(20 Posts)
Kab13 Thu 01-Jan-15 18:17:46

Try and keep it short and sweet. Months ago we decided to get a dog, a cocker spaniel, a working cocker spaniel. They need a hell of a lot of walking and a lot of time as they don't like being left. The breeder for this reason tries to give her dogs to working homes when possible.
Since decided to get a dog about 4 months ago (we were on a waiting list) we have moved, I have got a night shift job, dh has got a promotion and we have been having behavioural "problems" with dd. I think she needs a little ore guidance and a lot more of our undivided attention.
Anyway, I suffer from hypothyroidism and seem to dip in and out of feeling "well". Currently I feel like shit, totally exhausted. I can sleep all day and still get a good nights sleep.
I have huge concerns it's not fair to get a dog. Just because we want one.
Our circumstances have changed and it will inevitably be me who is the main carer for the dog, yet dh is stomping around the house telling me I'm unfair.
This is the man who a few years back before we were together got a Pomeranian for the sake of it then palmed it off onto me then when we got together gave it to someone else!
He's making me feel like it's all my fault and I've let him down. I'd rather that than get a dog we don't have the time and energy for to be honest.
Aibu?

Kab13 Thu 01-Jan-15 18:18:08

Not short or sweet. Sorry!

NoraRobertsismyguiltypleasure Thu 01-Jan-15 18:20:57

Totally not unreasonable. You sound supremely sensible and should hold your ground. I hope your dh is not likely to just go and get one anyway.

pieceoftoast Thu 01-Jan-15 18:21:00

Of course YANBU. It would be irresponsible and unfair on the dog in your circumstances. Maybe in the future you could consider a less high-energy breed.

misskangaandroo2014 Thu 01-Jan-15 18:21:41

No. YANBU. It's a big commitment to make and getting on top of things at home and managing your health are more of a priority than laying on stress that a puppy then comes into.

CMOTDibbler Thu 01-Jan-15 18:22:13

YANBU. Dogs are a huge commitment, and a cocker is def at the high maintenance end of things.

Its always better to wait, and get a dog when you are all really ready to give them the time and energy they will need for many years

LisaD1 Thu 01-Jan-15 18:24:00

Sounds very sensible to me.

We have had similar (although teenager stomps rather than DH). We love our animals (horses and cats) but with both working full time we have absolutely no spare time or energy for a dog.

Stand your ground, someone needs to be the sensible one :-)

OOAOML Thu 01-Jan-15 18:24:19

if you were to tell the breeder your current situation they would probably not want to go ahead anyway surely?

GothMummy Thu 01-Jan-15 18:26:44

You are being sensible. In a few months why not consider a lower energy breed like a retired greyhound? We used to have one and he slept all the time!

Snappynewyear Thu 01-Jan-15 18:27:58

Don't get the dog! Honestly spaniels are quite boisterous and especially if they come from working stock want to be 'working' for a significant part of the day!

We had a springer spaniel and as a working dog spent her early years in her 'space, aka the garage! Not the house, but she was worked and trained every day so had the company spaniels love from humans. She was constantly muddy as she loved to find the muddiest puddle (anywhere) and roll in it. To have had her in the house was impossible until she had puppies when she calmed down.

Spaniels love people and are the most affectionate dogs, but full of energy and need lots of walking and training.

We found homes for our puppies and they were 50/50 working homes, but the others were carefully vetted to take into account the needs of the dogs.

Kab13 Thu 01-Jan-15 18:31:21

I know the breeder is selective and wouldn't want to give me the dog if I sat down and said all I've just said here! I feel a bit bad not getting the pup from her now but I think she will easily find her a good home very quickly.
I feel sad myself, if I was healthy It would be perfectly fine to get her but I'm not. I had a springer spaniel I loved to bits when I was younger. I LOVE spaniels but they are high energy and very intelligent and need so much stimulation.
I actually think you need be at home for them an awful lot, can't see a spaniel fitting in properly until we are either retired or I can work from home sad
I do feel sad we can't get her, especially as I feel like it's my fault for being unwell and exhausted all the time. Dd would love a dog but dd is 2! So not her responsibility what's so ever.

championnibbler Thu 01-Jan-15 18:37:04

YANBU.
He has a track record of shirking his responsibility to his pet.
i would continue to stand firm on this, especially given your health.
your dh sounds very selfish.

cocker spaniels have endless energy and need tons of walks.
two good walks a day doesn't really cut it with this breed, to be honest.
the longest walk in the history of this planet would not satisfy a cocker.
they could walk from LA to New York without stopping and would still want more. (slight exaggeration there - but you get my drift.)

someone i know well has a cocker and handsome and good humoured as the dog is, he is a nuisance because of his neediness.

they also need regular haircuts as their hair grows quick and long. this can cost £40+ each time.

they have abandonment issues and don't like being on their own.

cockers belong on farms where they can run around fields, chase birds and wear themselves out.

YADNBU. You are 100% right.

Your DH is a selfish irresponsible twat, he has already dumped one dog when it became inconvenient and he wants another.

It makes me so angry when people choose a breed they are completely wrong for and unable to care for, in the end its the the dog that suffers due to their wants and desires, inevitably they realise they can't cope and the dog is gotten rid of.

Choose a breed you can cope with and tell your DH to grow up.

DoJo Thu 01-Jan-15 19:57:57

He wants a fun pet without any of the responsibility, so consider his 'request' in the same way that you would if your daughter asked you - it's not practical, and it wouldn't be fair on the dog or you. Also, it's not 'your fault' because you're ill - it's the circumstances you are in at the moment, so don't take the blame from your husband or anyone else!

Snugglepiggy Thu 01-Jan-15 20:14:59

YANBU.You are being very responsible.We have two working Springers but we have a very active,outdoors lifestyle.We are dog walkers.Consequently they have all the exercise and attention the breed requires and as a result they are very calm in the house and we have had great fun with them from the start ,and no behavioural problems.But too many of our customers get a breed of dog totally unsuited for their lifestyle,and invariably because the children or one person has fallen in love with the idea - but soon find the reality much too hard.
Hopefully there may come a time when your health and circumstances mean you can get your dog and thoroughly enjoy it.But don't feel bad ,and give into pressure from your DH.The breeder will honestly be much happier to know your change of heart and find a more suitable home.I know the breeder of our spaniels certainly would have.

MothershipG Thu 01-Jan-15 20:26:37

What a lovely, sensible person you are and hopefully one day you will make a great dog owner because it will be a well thought through decision, that puts the needs of a dog first. Please don't feel guilty.

TBH it sounds like your DH is a bit of a manchild, sorry. sad

JenniferGovernment Thu 01-Jan-15 21:01:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 01-Jan-15 21:42:16

"yet dh is stomping around the house telling me I'm unfair."
<visualises Harry Enfield's 'Kevin the Teenager'>

You are being perfectly sensible. I would go to the breeder and explain that, regretfully, your lifestyle has changed and that you cannot offer the spaniel the home it deserves.

And it is absolutely NOT your fault. I imagine he is quite successful at making you feel that way though sad.

SorchaN Thu 01-Jan-15 22:25:40

I know nothing about dogs, but if your circumstances have changed you should have a chat with the breeder. And maybe the breeder can explain things to your husband?

newyearsresolutionsnotforme Thu 01-Jan-15 22:25:50

YANBU, he is irresponsible and has proven it in the past. If he was a changed man-responsible- he wouldn't be humping or pouting he's be begging you to give him a chance and showing you how responsible he is in other ways.

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