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AIBU to this will not last

(22 Posts)
Housewife81 Wed 31-Dec-14 15:13:20

I have a friend that I have know for 20 years almost from school she's really lovely and we'll liked my everyone who meets her we have always lived with in walking distance of each other I have recently

Moved out of London due to house prices about 1 hour away driving with no traffic however she doesn't drive my child currently in year 11 still attends school down their and I drop him and see her once a week but once he finishes school will this friendship dye out I already finding it a real grind she wanted me to come out tonight but I just can't face the drive home I won't be able to have a drink maybe because I do it every day for my son will it get better if I am only going down their once a month or can it only work if your BOTH doing the journey

Hatespiders Wed 31-Dec-14 15:24:54

I have a very dear friend and we went out together a lot when she lived in my area. But she moved to Somerset. However we still remain friends and I visit her every 2-3 years or so. In between we talk on the phone (free at weekends) and exchange letters. So your friend will still be your friend but meetings will dwindle. I think you have to be realistic about the non-viability of travelling to and fro like a yoyo I'm afraid.

MyrnaLoy Wed 31-Dec-14 15:31:48

My best friend has lived 50 miles from me for the last twenty years or so (since I moved). We email and meet as regularly as we can (usually half-way, for lunch) and always pick things up exactly where our last emails left off.

So yes, that does involve both of us making the effort.

If it's worth it then it will last, if not, not...

dragdownthemoon Wed 31-Dec-14 15:38:30

My best friend lives 150 miles away. I still see him, talk on the phone, and have no doubt we will be friends forever.

Micah Wed 31-Dec-14 15:48:31

If having a drink is more important than being able to see your friend and drive home, then yes, it will die out.

Why don't you arrange to meet in the day after you drop your son off?

usefully Wed 31-Dec-14 15:54:50


Housewife81 Wed 31-Dec-14 16:02:50

poster Micah

We do currently we see each other every week however worried about once he's finished school she doesn't drive so it would mean me doing all the journey even when she has got a lift here it involves me driving her home often I been doing that journey every day that week with my son and I can't face doing it weekends as well to drop her some I know it sounds selfish maybe I am but it's difficult when your the only one doing the journey I don't mind meeting half way but that is not going to be the situation it will be me doing the driving.

LadyLuck10 Wed 31-Dec-14 16:02:51

You are on a roll today op aren't you .

Housewife81 Wed 31-Dec-14 16:17:49

Not really Lady Luck I don't fell like I am on a roll at all my sister is giving me concern and I really feel if I loose the one person I get a lot of support from I may loose it big style

Purplehonesty Wed 31-Dec-14 16:43:41


Lifesalemon Wed 31-Dec-14 16:56:18

I think it totally depends on how much you value your friendship and if you are getting anything out of it. I have a friend who lives an hour a way and due to her family commitments its harder for her to come to see me. I happily drive to see her because i enjoy spending time with her. I also know that if our situation reversed she would do the same for me as we both value the friendship. We also speak regularly and text and send gifts on special occasions and none of that is one sided, we both equally make the effort to stay in touch. If its always you driving to see her and also making all the effort in other ways too I think maybe you should let the friendship die out.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Wed 31-Dec-14 16:57:41

If her support was that important to you, why do feel you won't be bothered to make the effort? And why are you looking into this now, before there is any chance of it happening?


AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 17:03:15

My bf is a hundred miles away (literally). Distance is nothing in a genuine friendship.

You knew she couldn't drive before you moved? You moved, she didn't. Honestly, if you begrudge making whatever visits it will take to maintain your friendship, maybe you need to find some new friends. Maybe ones you value more highly.

BikketBikketBikket Wed 31-Dec-14 17:14:31

The thing is OP, that when your son isn't at school any more, you won't be locked in the grind if the journey there and back every day - so you may find that doing it once a week would be more bearable.
Also, is it possible for your friend to stay over at yours occasionally? If so, you could have a couple of glasses of wine with her because you wouldn't have to drive her home until the next day (note: a couple of glasses, not a huge amount if you're driving next day...!)

LRow Wed 31-Dec-14 17:19:30

AIBU to wish my daughter could find some new friends?
DD14 just returned from meeting her best friend after a late exchange of Christmas presents. This girl also was her 'Secret Santa' but had forgotten (not!) to bring her gift the day everyone else exchanged. Well in DD comes with a Jack Wills bag conraining a strange range of toiletries - lavender shower caddy, lily hand cream. Honestly looked like the stuff mums and granny's get that they don't want. Nothing personal, nothing fun or teenagey. My heart goes out to her as my DD is a kind soul and thinks hard to buy nice gifts for her friends. At her birthday time a few months ago, not one of her group got her a card, gift or even a birthday wish. It's a hard day when your daughter walks in the door trying bravely not to cry again!!

whitesandstorm Wed 31-Dec-14 17:22:53

It's hard to read this post op without any punctuation. Sorry.

SorchaN Thu 01-Jan-15 01:29:55

OP - sometimes that's just how it goes. One person puts more effort into travelling to see the other. I have a close friend with a very demanding job and it's really hard for her to come and see me. But we manage to catch up at least once a year, and we just pick up where we left off.

LRow - Should this have been a new thread? My daughter has some 'friends' like this. I think it's just part of growing up. I think as they get older they'll start to find ways to evaluate their friendships and invest more emotional energy in friendships that are a bit more equal.

thewavesofthesea Thu 01-Jan-15 01:45:01

My best friend lives 100 miles away. We talk at least once a month, and see eachother at least every two, if not more. We have been like this for 12 years and been friends for 20 years. We always just pick up where we left off :-)

Tobyjugg Thu 01-Jan-15 01:52:03

My best mate is 89 miles and 2 changes of trains away, but we still manage to go down the pub together from time to time. Been like this for nearly 30 years. As a pp said, you just pick up where you left off and you always have something to talk about.

RunnerHasbeen Thu 01-Jan-15 11:00:24

You drive, she doesn't, you moved, she didn't. I think more effort should come from you, especially as the current situation is you travelling to drive your son, not to see your friend. You aren't actually making an effort for her, you are tagging her on to a visit you make anyway. I'm sure if she had a reason to be in your area regularly she would pop in and see you.

Do you actually invite her to yours? Is it really about this friend or do you perhaps regret moving? I think it is up to you whether this friendship survives but by being petty and tallying up grievances you aren't giving it much chance.

MooMaid Thu 01-Jan-15 11:16:36

I'm slightly confused about what is going on here - what is Lrows post doing in the middle of this thread?!

LittleDonkeyLeftie Thu 01-Jan-15 12:47:01

I don't understand.

Your friend lives in London right?

So why can't she get the train to see you?

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