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MiL - IABU and I need to stop it.

(5 Posts)
Mandatorymongoose Wed 31-Dec-14 11:41:46

To preface this, I think my PiL are quite nice people. I don't know them very well, I've probably met them less than 10 times in the 6 years I've lived with DH but generally they seem like pleasant, friendly people. They live 2 hours drive away.

Since DS was born 2 years ago I've felt a bit resentful of them. They visited when he was born and we visted them (my suggestion) when he was a few months old. They haven't seen him again until last week. MiL would occasionally ask how DS was via fb message but really they all seemed disinterested.

I felt hurt (?) that they weren't interested in DS and a bit sad for DS that he wouldn't have a good relationship with them.

Since last week's visit MiL has become enamoured with DS, she now wants to visit again this week and has been posting pictures of DS on her Facebook and enjoying being complimented by people on her gorgeous grandson.

I should be really pleased.

I'm actually really irritated. He's MINE. He's my gorgeous DS. Who she's mostly ignored for 2 years and now she's busy showing him off like she has something to do with him. blush

I want DS to have a good relationship with his grandparents and I know that my sudden possessiveness is unreasonable but I can't stop quietly seething about it.

He's not even my pfb!

DoubleValiumLattePlease Wed 31-Dec-14 11:46:03

Well - you know YABU. You know that. I think you're going to have to get over this one or set yourself up for years of gnawing jealousy and unpleasantness. Is it really worth it? The relationship is primarily for the benefit of your son, not you, and I don't believe you truly want to behave in a way that would hurt that. You don't know them well so you cannot possibly know what reason there might or might not have been for the previous coolness. Perhaps she had a bigger issue in her life? You just don't know. For context, my mum was fighting breast cancer and my brothers didn't know for 9 years! She didn't want them to know but if she was at all distant during that time that would have been the reason. I'm not suggesting this IS the reason in this case but just showing how it could come about.

diddl Wed 31-Dec-14 11:47:37

So they've seen him three times in two years?

What has changed?

Is he an interesting age now and might they dump him again?

Do they now have more time?

What were they like with your PFB?

Mandatorymongoose Wed 31-Dec-14 11:58:51

Yes, 3 times in 2 years. As far as I know nothing has changed and I don't think there are any major issues going on in the background.

I get the impression that they came and saw DS and have now decided he's lovely (which he is) but I'm not sure why that's different to when they last saw him 18 months ago - maybe he is a more interesting age.

Pfb is not their grandchild, she is much older and has a good relationship with her grandparents which I've never resented. She doesn't see them often but they live very far away and make a huge effort to visit when they can.

I wouldn't do anything to interfere with PiLs relationship with DS and I'm happy for them to see him as much as they want to. I don't like feeling jealous / resentful and I do need to get over it I guess. I just hate the sudden showing him off as 'theirs' (even though he obviously is their grandchild) after the previous disinterest that I had to get over feeling hurt by.

diddl Wed 31-Dec-14 12:06:49

It is hurtful though.

I know life can get in the way & I guess that if they are good when they see him & have been good with your daughter then that's something.

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