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To ask her to exchange her gift?

(136 Posts)
Toastandstrawberryjam Wed 31-Dec-14 11:13:17

Hoping this won't out me in RL.....

DDs birthday is this week and when SIL asked what to get her DH suggested a particular toy. I was a bit hmm because SIL has form for odd gifts and this was an important toy of which there are lots of variations of but DD wanted the nice type. (Sorry trying to be bit cautious here!). But DH was sure SIL understood.

Anyway DH has just had a little wobbly about it, knowing how important the right type is to DD and carefully opened the gift to check it (SIL left it here at Christmas) and no it isn't the nice version. It's a cheap, crummy version.

The way I see it the best option now is for DH to say "really sorry but DD has been given a gift early by (distant relative) and its that toy. Can you exchange it? AIBU to suggest that?
The only other option is that we buy her the nice version and after her birthday give the other to the charity shop. We don't have room for two versions and tbh DD didn't want much for her birthday and will be disappointed with this.

LIZS Wed 31-Dec-14 11:19:23

You sound a bit precious tbh. Surely dd needs to learn that she doesn't always get exactly what she wants. Maybe ail was on a limited budget or didn't get there was more than one version.

Izzy24 Wed 31-Dec-14 11:21:16

Swap it. Life's too short .

formerbabe Wed 31-Dec-14 11:21:18

Say nothing except 'thank you, it's lovely.'

KatieKaye Wed 31-Dec-14 11:22:16

I think it would be helpful to have a little more information.

How old is DD?
What is the price difference between the "cheap, crummy" version and the "nice" one
Does SIL have unlimited funds to spend on birthday presents right after Christmas?
Is the one SIL bought dangerous in any way and will DDs life be ruined if you just let her have that version?

Without knowing any more, I'd say the best option is to accept the present your DD has been given and to say no more about it. Other than thanking SIL for her kindness and generosity, of course. SIL would be quite within her rights to suggest you exchange the "other one" and keep hers, since she is a very close relation. And the suggestion about shoving her present off to the charity shop and buying the "nice" one is startlingly ungrateful.

Pancakeflipper Wed 31-Dec-14 11:22:18

You check her presents for quality before your daughter receives them.?
Oh my.
Next time if his sister asks - say £5.00. And unless sister makes her own you will be satisfied.

Starlightbright1 Wed 31-Dec-14 11:22:19

well on the basis on info given I agree with lizs does the more expensie toy do something the other doesn't?

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 31-Dec-14 11:24:04

How would your dd know the difference between good quality and cheap?

You and your dh sound like right spoilt entitled pains in the arse

Mammanat222 Wed 31-Dec-14 11:24:07

God, not another gift inspecting parent! I think opening kids gifts is a disgrace to be honest

By the sounds of it your DD would benefit more from a life lesson "we can't always get what we want"

You all sound quite grabby to me.

ThePinkOcelot Wed 31-Dec-14 11:24:52

Just buy your dd the "right" one and say nothing to sil. But really, in the grand scheme of things, who cares?!

Toastandstrawberryjam Wed 31-Dec-14 11:28:09

DD will be 9. She's not grabby, she barely wanted anything for her birthday.

SIL is one of those who choose exactly what we should get for her kids but in return buys big plastic presents that are either age inappropriate or of no interest to my DC. Because she barely knows them (think maybe visits twice a year).

Yes her funds are pretty unlimited but gift wasn't very expensive. £15 for the proper version. She wouldn't dream of getting her DC cheap versions of things.

And I never open DC gifts usually but this was top of DDs things she wanted so it was important.

mommy2ash Wed 31-Dec-14 11:28:10

what is the gift? that's a pretty important detail.

to be fair if this one gift was so important then you shouldn't have allocated it to someone else

Toastandstrawberryjam Wed 31-Dec-14 11:29:23

SIL will be here to see DD open it. Therein lies the problem. DD will be disappointed and I'm frankly v cross that DH told his DS to get an important gift.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 31-Dec-14 11:29:36

Personally I don't think birthdays are a time to be teaching DC important and disappointing life lessons. 364 days/year left to do that in. Just buy her the 'good' one as well. How old is DD?

MrsTawdry Wed 31-Dec-14 11:30:29

Buy her the good version yourself and don't mention it again. Why on earth would you be so rude as to mention this!

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 31-Dec-14 11:30:32

x-posted. Shit that she will be there!

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Wed 31-Dec-14 11:31:04

What is it?

If it was the one thing your DD wanted, and there was room for error, why didn't you buy it and tell you SIL that DD would love a voucher?

Toastandstrawberryjam Wed 31-Dec-14 11:32:13

I didn't tell SIL to buy it, DH did.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Wed 31-Dec-14 11:32:59

Why has SIL left the gift there if she's coming back for her birthday?

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Wed 31-Dec-14 11:35:24

Buy her the good one aswell, blame poor communication if someone asks

Hatespiders Wed 31-Dec-14 11:35:59

If SIL is going to be there for the opening you'e stuck really. She'll notice it isn't the one she bought.
As your dd is 9, you should explain to her that one never ever shows disappointment with a gift at the time of opening, and that the polite response is to thank the giver graciously. Later, if you so wish, you can discreetly change it and dispose of the poorer one in the charity shop.
Children have to learn these things sometime, and 9yrs old is not too young imo.

Toastandstrawberryjam Wed 31-Dec-14 11:36:11

no idea. I'm guessing it's because she sometimes cancels at the last minute when she's supposed to see them.

Toastandstrawberryjam Wed 31-Dec-14 11:38:40

My DD won't show her disappointment at the time. She's v good like that. But it's been an incredibly crappy year for her and I'm sad for her.

Floggingmolly Wed 31-Dec-14 11:39:34

Bloody hell! If it was such an "important" toy (there's actually no such thing, by the way) and it was so imperative that she had the nice version, you should have bought it yourself.
Why on earth didn't you? Or was your own gift of the even more important variety??

SaucyJack Wed 31-Dec-14 11:39:46

Just get her the "real" one yourself. Give it to your DD first to avoid any disappointment.

I can't imagine what you could buy for £15 that's so big you wouldn't have room for two.

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