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To be irritated (again) with my family members

(5 Posts)
Charlie97 Wed 31-Dec-14 10:29:05

You will find my other threads regarding my sister, but in a nutshell sister is bi polar, was sectioned and I was appointed closest relative, therefore I can call for a MH assessment in the future should I have concerns, sectioning is extremely difficult to arrange and you only every are sectioned in extreme cases of MH illness. Family were not particularly helpful, wanting me to "consider stopping the wheels" whilst they were in motion, I refused and sister was sectioned.

Anyhow, 18 months later, things great, amazingly she is back at full time work and has done really well.

However, she is still "high needs" in as much as needs help with various things that you would expect to take for granted.

All the rest of family have gone abroad this Christmas to visit another family member, the other family member had previously been totally insistent that Dsis went as well. Dsis did not want too and it all got a bit heated, I at that time stepped forward on behalf of DSis to say "back off" it's too expensive, it's not what she wants blah blah. Much weeping took place with "oh but I wanted her to come, it's so important that all the family are here together (I too was pressured to go, but refused on the grounds of cost) won't be the same, I wanted her here.

So off everyone goes, Xmas comes and goes, I get a couple of calls, make a couple of calls, merry Christmas and everything.

Dsis was here over the days during Xmas day and after etc, was in fair spirits, but finds any out of routine days difficult to deal with.

Now, I am disappointed that Dsis was so wanted and everyone so upset she didn't want to go etc, yet no one has bothered to ring her and she how she is, how was she doing over Xmas etc. I just feel out of sight, out of mind.

I was determined that I would not prompt them, but Dsis is asking me what were they doing, how were they getting on etc? So last nite I was messaging and asked "have you spoken to Dsis" , the response was no, but will ring (clearly would not have, had I not prompted).

I am angry with all sets of them, brother and two sisters, am I justified in speaking to them on their return and saying how sad I felt for Dsis? They are happy to ring me (because it is easy I suppose), they give the big, we are such a close family, but that says to me that we are not.

I am looking after their houses, sorting various things as they are away some weeks, none of which I mind at all. But they are not taking up their responsibility.

I feel very sad for Dsis, she could ring them I suppose, but that would be in her worry area, regarding how far ahead time etc. I could have phoned whilst she was round at ours and let them speak, but actually it would be nice for Dsis to have a call when she is not at ours, so that she has something nice on another day.

I feel that I do too much for all the family, I seem to look after Dsis on their behalf and that we should all help.

I am by nature I think too giving, I was going to surprise them with collecting from the airport (take an hour off work), put meals in slow cooker for them to have on return, but quite honestly I now think I will withdraw back and not keep giving to them.

I think this might sound whoa is me, but AIBU or should they already have made contact?

Charlie97 Wed 31-Dec-14 10:29:28

Gosh that was way too long! Sorry confused

Definitely pull back on giving- you feel you ate giving too much but are doing extra things that haven't been asked. Once you pull back on the extras you can reassess the balance.

Nomama Wed 31-Dec-14 10:36:08

Definitely talk to them. You are obviously the family 'doer' and you need them to step up and act like adults.

Cup of coffee and an hard chat about responsibility and not relying on you to make everything right.

Then step back and see just how much of being 'mum' you really want to continue with? Your DSis has a real need, but the other 2?

I appreciate you cam asking for advice re your DSis, but I would suggest you look after yourself a little more too. You won't be much use to her all wound up and knackered.

Charlie97 Wed 31-Dec-14 10:41:40

Nomama, your first sentence says it all! I need to stop doing this.

Maybe a New Years resolution?

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