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... To expect people to respond to an invitation within a couple of days rather than weeks later on the night before the suggested date?

(19 Posts)
Anacoreta Wed 31-Dec-14 01:22:49

That's it really, AIBU to think that it is rude to say "I'let you know" and confirm attendance weeks afterwards, when you already have other plans for the day?

Fuckmath Wed 31-Dec-14 01:34:38


I would assume they weren't coming and make other arrangements. If they now want to do it I would say it's no longer convenient due to their last minute response. They can't expect you to keep hanging about with them leaving a day open for their whims. Ridiculous.

Beanie99 Wed 31-Dec-14 01:35:57

YANBU, personally I would reply pretty much as soon as I received the invite. Either I can go or I can't, waiting weeks to reply just makes it seem as though I'm waiting to see if anything better comes along in the meantime!

HappenstanceMarmite Wed 31-Dec-14 01:38:15

Rude and self centred. DNBU

Anacoreta Wed 31-Dec-14 01:51:51

I have to say I'm feeling a bit exasperated... I just got back from an impromptu holiday to find out we have a New Years Eve party tommorrow (but they will leave early to join another party, and also another friend and his son coming for lunch (not to say I need to pick up the dog from the kennel, go for the supermarket, cook dinner and also have visits for the Christmas period. Sigh...

I guess I wouldn't be feeling that bad if when I explained I only had Friday free, she had not replied "WHAT??? Are you telling me you don't have any other free days this week? I may be working on Friday!"

One of this woman works part time, and the other doesn't work. Surely, they could respond within 2 days at the maximum if they need to seek approval from their DHs?

Anacoreta Wed 31-Dec-14 01:59:43

I think I just need a clear and polite phrase to respond with when somebody says "I'll let you know". At the moment I just think of saying "you can let me know by tomorrow because I am sure i won't be available for that date if you take longer than 2 days (i'm not the sort of person who sits on her house waiting for a call, if the day is free, it gets filled with something very quickly, be it chores or meeting with other people.

AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 02:08:08

YANBU, however one of the things which m.e. has damaged for me, is my memory. My RSVP etiquette is in a constant state of apology. I wouldn't expect anyone to alter their replacement plans because of my forgetfulness though!

MidniteScribbler Wed 31-Dec-14 02:21:53

I think it's a bit control freakish to demand a response within a certain period of time like that, especially if it is just for a casual get together. They may be waiting on a work schedule, or their partner's work schedule. I often don't respond as I have to wait until the calendar is finalised for the term before knowing what events are on. I always tell someone why I can't give them a response straight away though, and let them know when I can tell them.

Bulbasaur Wed 31-Dec-14 02:27:09

DH's work schedule is set up rather odd, so he finds out his week that starts Sunday on Friday, so sometimes get together's can be hard to arrange since we can't plan more than a few days ahead. If he works Sunday, we can't stay out all night on Saturday, and we don't know that until two days before.

But, we do let people know that we won't know before hand so they aren't left in the dark.

wobblyweebles Wed 31-Dec-14 02:57:52

Oh bugger, this reminded me I needed to reply to a New Year's Eve party invite. At least I've done it now - thank you for the reminder. But yes, it's annoying.

FunkyBoldRibena Wed 31-Dec-14 07:48:57

"WHAT??? Are you telling me you don't have any other free days this week? I may be working on Friday!"

'I'm telling you that if you don't respond to an invite then I assume you aren't coming so make other plans.'

newyearsresolutionsnotforme Wed 31-Dec-14 11:01:14

OP YANBU but you don't pre-empt with anything what you do is when someone says 'actually I'm free now' the day before-sadly usually code for 'nothing better's come up' when left this way then you reply with - 'Sorry, I thought you would have let me know long before now if you were still interested so I made other plans. I don't have any other free time, quite a few other people were keen to meet up.' You can't wait around forever or you'll often be left alone.

Clutterbugsmum Wed 31-Dec-14 11:23:58

If you did indeed send the text 'weeks ago' I would just text them back saying that as you hadn't heard until today then you have made alternative arrangements.

Thurlow Wed 31-Dec-14 11:28:46

I'd also text and say that seeing how they didn't reply, you assumed they weren't coming and made other plans. YANBU. That's far too late to reply.

MomOfTwoGirls2 Wed 31-Dec-14 11:50:26

Agree. Txt back and let her know you presumed she couldn't make it since you hadn't heard from her, and that you made other plans. But that you look forward to catching up in the new year.

pludolphTheRedNosedReindeer Wed 31-Dec-14 12:41:52

Yes, definitely tell them you had given up waiting for them, and if you feel like a dig back, you can comment on the fact that they made other plans, too (and that it's bloody rude to tell your host that you're ;eaving early and going on somewhere else).

Anacoreta Wed 31-Dec-14 15:32:37

Mid tie... That just doesn't apply... First couple the husband works from home (definitively NOT at this time of the year) and she doesn't work. I really think it doesn't take 2-3 days to pop your head by the living room to ask the hubby if you can meet or not. I'm pretty sure they were considering other plans, I really feel like cancelling as I'm 100% sure they are taking the piss (they will have dinner faith us before joining a drink party afterwards leaving us to receive the new year in our own). Great, I can't cancel but knowing what we know we have got them the dinner they deserve from Iceland, and will save the more difficult stuff to cook for a better occasion.

Second person, well her hubby was never part of the arrangement, as I don't know him. She has called today to say kid feels unwell but she can come on her own. I suggested meeting on Friday (any time) or Saturday morning. She said she may work on Friday, so I texted what about Friday after work? Or if you are free, a couple of hours earlier?, she responded that she wasn't working on Saturday but that she will ring me on Friday night to let me know.

I have just told her that it would be better to arrange when she knows when she is free, I have another people to meet with on Saturday, so I'm not holding for her. I have hold her the truth, that I'm planning to meet with some other people on the day so I couldn't leave my other friends waiting until Friday night to confirm whether we are coming for lunch or dinner.

Anacoreta Wed 31-Dec-14 15:35:08

Midnite... Not mid tie.

And thank you all for the other suggestions, they will come useful in the future.

Anacoreta Wed 31-Dec-14 15:37:24

Clutter, yes weeks ago...

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