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AIBU?

To tell her to Fruck off? sorry this is long.

46 replies

Notmeagain1 · 31/12/2014 00:01

I don't think I am BU but wanted to ask.

Back story as to not drip feed. DH and I have been married 4 yrs together 7. He was in a LTR with his ex for 12 years and raised her son from the time he was 18mo old, he calls him son as I also do. DSS got married in Sept and I took all the wedding photos as a gift to Dss and daughter in-law. Photos turned out wonderful and everyone loved them.

DH's Ex sends me a message last week (we are NOT friends and are only polite because of DSS and Daugter in-law. I love them both very much, btw). telling me she is getting married on 9 Jan and would I take the photos. I ignored the message.

Ex sends me a facebook message today with the details- time location and what time I need to be there. I DO NOT want to be friends with this woman or be involved in her wedding. I think she is taking the piss and just doesnt want to pay to have photos taken.

Would IBU to tell the cow to fuck off and to leave me alone.

My DSs and wife are expecting in May and I will be nana to my dgd (yes its a girl), but should I take a day off and take this womans wedding photos to keep peace?

BTW, dss and wife ARE NOT GOING as they do not like the soon to be husband of his mother.

Well, ladies what do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

HotLipsHoulihan · 31/12/2014 00:03

Bit rude to ignore her. Why do you hate her so much ? Don't do it if you don't want to of course but you sound full of hate for no real reason I can see

Nohootingchickenssleeping · 31/12/2014 00:04

YANBU. Stay well away. 9th Jan? Talk about short notice, she's no chance of getting another photographer now and she knows it. She's probably been let down and you're a last resort.

SaucyJack · 31/12/2014 00:04

Why couldn't you have just told her you weren't available? No need to drop the f-bomb just yet.

GloriousGloria · 31/12/2014 00:04

I would send a message back asking which package she was requesting for her wedding just to check that she doesn't want to pay. If she decides on a package (that includes a price) then I would take the work.

If she really wants a freebie then decline.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/12/2014 00:05

Can't you just email and say that you're sorry you didn't see the message the first time but you're unavailable on that day and wish her well with finding someone.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 31/12/2014 00:06

YANBU

But there is no need to tell her to fuck off, a cool polite message saying you won't be able to do it is all that is needed. A big falling out will put stress on your dss and his wife and if they're expecting a baby that will be the last thing they need

fuzzywuzzy · 31/12/2014 00:06

I'd tell her you won't be taking the photos & never agreed to do so either.

She does sound like she has quite a brass neck, I've a friend who's a professional photographer and has occasionally gifted photos as her gift to friends who have got married and invited her, I'd never presume she would do this tho, I would if I wanted her to take pictures for me professionally hire her the regular way!

AnnieLobeseder · 31/12/2014 00:06

She is chancing her arm slightly, but why can't you just respond with a polite "sorry, I'm not available that day, wishing you all the best for your special day" and give her the numbers of some other good photographers (assuming you know any)?

MagratGarlik · 31/12/2014 00:07

Can't you reply on a purely professional basis and say, "yes, of course, I am available for a booking on that date, the package you have requested will cost £xxx", or " my apologies, but I am already booked on that date, but I can recommend [name a local photographer] who is very good". She hasn't said she won't pay, has she?

Fiftyplusmum · 31/12/2014 00:08

9th Jan! That's extremely short notice. Are you a professional photographer? I'm assuming you aren't. Tell her you can't take that day off work as you have an important whatever.

Ponyphysio · 31/12/2014 00:08

Thanks for your request. I've given it a lot of thought and feel it would be more appropriate for you to find an independent photographer. If however you prefer not to do that, my charges are £_. Let me know how you would like to proceed.
Regards
NotMe

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/12/2014 00:11

Why don't you just be civilised grow up and decline her request, like a reasonable person would do.

Notmeagain1 · 31/12/2014 00:11

Hotlips. I don't hate her, I don't like the way she treats the kids. She lives 5 houses down from them and only goes to their house to go the basement and smoke weed. She is very, very disrespectful to daughter-in law and make terrible comments to her which really makes me sad for the kids.

If DSs asked me, I would do it for him. I just think it is cheeky to be asking someone that is not a friend or related to expect me to be involed in what should be a happy day for her.

Its just awkward for DHs ex to be requesting this.

OP posts:

defineme · 31/12/2014 00:11

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
was there a reason you didn't reply in the negative to her first request?
I can't see there's a peace to be kept if dss isn't going.
just private message reply politely declining without giving a reason egI am afraid I can't do the photos, but I wish you all the best on your special day.
Don't respond to any angry response from her.

Notmeagain1 · 31/12/2014 00:13

I am not a professional photographer, and olny dabble for fun.

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 31/12/2014 00:14

I doesn't have to be awkward.

You just need a prior engagement!

Salmotrutta · 31/12/2014 00:14

It

TidyDancer · 31/12/2014 00:14

I get why it's awkward and I wouldn't want to do it in your position either. But there's no reason you can't just politely decline, give an excuse and just keep the peace. Ignoring won't help, especially now there's a baby on the way that you both will be involved with. No need to create tension when it's easily avoided.

Unexpected · 31/12/2014 00:15

Don't make a big deal out of it. By ignoring her, you are making yourself look childish and spiteful. Why can you not respond and say that you are unavailable on the day to take photos? Why turn it into a drama which it isn't?

feelingunsupported · 31/12/2014 00:15

No need to be rude.defineme's message is perfect.

Notmeagain1 · 31/12/2014 00:20

I work full time about 70hrs a week, so I will send her a message that I am working my FT job and not able to accommodate, however, I will,offer to loan her my camera if she can find someone else to snap some photos and offer to make some books for her.

My DH is actully the one who wanted to tell her to fuck off, and tpld me to ignore the first request (the reason I did not respond).

I will send her a message now offering the camera for her use. (Its insured if anything happens to it as it is a very expensive one).

Thank you for your advice.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 31/12/2014 00:23

Don't offer to lend her your expensive camera- there's no need for that. It'll just go tits up and you'll hate her even more.

All people are saying is that it would have been best for you to have responded to her first post in the manner of the polite, mature adult you undoubtedly are.

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1981 · 31/12/2014 00:23

Just let her know "not available, sorry. good luck getting a photographer who is available for you."

Why not just say the basics and that way there's no confusion?

Just back away, but let her know either way (at least).

Surely no response is just being passive aggressive, and is the middle ground between doing it (begrudgingly) and telling her to fuck off (unprofessional, and definitely not keeping the peace)?

1981 · 31/12/2014 00:24

Just saw the update. Offering the loan of a professional camera sounds OTT since you have v. little goodwill to her - I'm sure an "sorry, I'm unavailable" message would suffice. good luck!

CSIGingerbread · 31/12/2014 00:27

Its the 9th of Jan. That's pretty close and too short notice, the polite thing to do would be to get in touch and decline, citing a previous appointment. For DSS's sake, make sure you're busy that day. Offer alternative contacts who might be able to help.

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