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To tell her to Fruck off? sorry this is long.

(47 Posts)
Notmeagain1 Wed 31-Dec-14 00:01:31

I don't think I am BU but wanted to ask.

Back story as to not drip feed. DH and I have been married 4 yrs together 7. He was in a LTR with his ex for 12 years and raised her son from the time he was 18mo old, he calls him son as I also do. DSS got married in Sept and I took all the wedding photos as a gift to Dss and daughter in-law. Photos turned out wonderful and everyone loved them.

DH's Ex sends me a message last week (we are NOT friends and are only polite because of DSS and Daugter in-law. I love them both very much, btw). telling me she is getting married on 9 Jan and would I take the photos. I ignored the message.

Ex sends me a facebook message today with the details- time location and what time I need to be there. I DO NOT want to be friends with this woman or be involved in her wedding. I think she is taking the piss and just doesnt want to pay to have photos taken.angry

Would IBU to tell the cow to fuck off and to leave me alone.

My DSs and wife are expecting in May and I will be nana to my dgd (yes its a girl), but should I take a day off and take this womans wedding photos to keep peace?

BTW, dss and wife ARE NOT GOING as they do not like the soon to be husband of his mother.

Well, ladies what do you think? AIBU?

HotLipsHoulihan Wed 31-Dec-14 00:03:33

Bit rude to ignore her. Why do you hate her so much ? Don't do it if you don't want to of course but you sound full of hate for no real reason I can see

Nohootingchickenssleeping Wed 31-Dec-14 00:04:32

YANBU. Stay well away. 9th Jan? Talk about short notice, she's no chance of getting another photographer now and she knows it. She's probably been let down and you're a last resort.

SaucyJack Wed 31-Dec-14 00:04:35

Why couldn't you have just told her you weren't available? No need to drop the f-bomb just yet.

GloriousGloria Wed 31-Dec-14 00:04:40

I would send a message back asking which package she was requesting for her wedding just to check that she doesn't want to pay. If she decides on a package (that includes a price) then I would take the work.

If she really wants a freebie then decline.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 31-Dec-14 00:05:15

Can't you just email and say that you're sorry you didn't see the message the first time but you're unavailable on that day and wish her well with finding someone.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Wed 31-Dec-14 00:06:01


But there is no need to tell her to fuck off, a cool polite message saying you won't be able to do it is all that is needed. A big falling out will put stress on your dss and his wife and if they're expecting a baby that will be the last thing they need

fuzzywuzzy Wed 31-Dec-14 00:06:15

I'd tell her you won't be taking the photos & never agreed to do so either.

She does sound like she has quite a brass neck, I've a friend who's a professional photographer and has occasionally gifted photos as her gift to friends who have got married and invited her, I'd never presume she would do this tho, I would if I wanted her to take pictures for me professionally hire her the regular way!

AnnieLobeseder Wed 31-Dec-14 00:06:35

She is chancing her arm slightly, but why can't you just respond with a polite "sorry, I'm not available that day, wishing you all the best for your special day" and give her the numbers of some other good photographers (assuming you know any)?

MagratGarlik Wed 31-Dec-14 00:07:22

Can't you reply on a purely professional basis and say, "yes, of course, I am available for a booking on that date, the package you have requested will cost £xxx", or " my apologies, but I am already booked on that date, but I can recommend [name a local photographer] who is very good". She hasn't said she won't pay, has she?

Fiftyplusmum Wed 31-Dec-14 00:08:00

9th Jan! That's extremely short notice. Are you a professional photographer? I'm assuming you aren't. Tell her you can't take that day off work as you have an important whatever.

Ponyphysio Wed 31-Dec-14 00:08:46

Thanks for your request. I've given it a lot of thought and feel it would be more appropriate for you to find an independent photographer. If however you prefer not to do that, my charges are £_. Let me know how you would like to proceed.

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 31-Dec-14 00:11:17

Why don't you just be civilised grow up and decline her request, like a reasonable person would do.

Notmeagain1 Wed 31-Dec-14 00:11:22

Hotlips. I don't hate her, I don't like the way she treats the kids. She lives 5 houses down from them and only goes to their house to go the basement and smoke weed. She is very, very disrespectful to daughter-in law and make terrible comments to her which really makes me sad for the kids.

If DSs asked me, I would do it for him. I just think it is cheeky to be asking someone that is not a friend or related to expect me to be involed in what should be a happy day for her.

Its just awkward for DHs ex to be requesting this.

defineme Wed 31-Dec-14 00:11:50

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
was there a reason you didn't reply in the negative to her first request?
I can't see there's a peace to be kept if dss isn't going.
just private message reply politely declining without giving a reason egI am afraid I can't do the photos, but I wish you all the best on your special day.
Don't respond to any angry response from her.

Notmeagain1 Wed 31-Dec-14 00:13:16

I am not a professional photographer, and olny dabble for fun.

Salmotrutta Wed 31-Dec-14 00:14:08

I doesn't have to be awkward.

You just need a prior engagement! wink

Salmotrutta Wed 31-Dec-14 00:14:40


TidyDancer Wed 31-Dec-14 00:14:50

I get why it's awkward and I wouldn't want to do it in your position either. But there's no reason you can't just politely decline, give an excuse and just keep the peace. Ignoring won't help, especially now there's a baby on the way that you both will be involved with. No need to create tension when it's easily avoided.

Unexpected Wed 31-Dec-14 00:15:01

Don't make a big deal out of it. By ignoring her, you are making yourself look childish and spiteful. Why can you not respond and say that you are unavailable on the day to take photos? Why turn it into a drama which it isn't?

feelingunsupported Wed 31-Dec-14 00:15:43

No need to be rude.*defineme*'s message is perfect.

Notmeagain1 Wed 31-Dec-14 00:20:20

I work full time about 70hrs a week, so I will send her a message that I am working my FT job and not able to accommodate, however, I will,offer to loan her my camera if she can find someone else to snap some photos and offer to make some books for her.

My DH is actully the one who wanted to tell her to fuck off, and tpld me to ignore the first request (the reason I did not respond).

I will send her a message now offering the camera for her use. (Its insured if anything happens to it as it is a very expensive one).

Thank you for your advice.

SaucyJack Wed 31-Dec-14 00:23:22

Don't offer to lend her your expensive camera- there's no need for that. It'll just go tits up and you'll hate her even more.

All people are saying is that it would have been best for you to have responded to her first post in the manner of the polite, mature adult you undoubtedly are.

1981 Wed 31-Dec-14 00:23:42

Just let her know "not available, sorry. good luck getting a photographer who is available for you."

Why not just say the basics and that way there's no confusion?

Just back away, but let her know either way (at least).

Surely no response is just being passive aggressive, and is the middle ground between doing it (begrudgingly) and telling her to fuck off (unprofessional, and definitely not keeping the peace)?

1981 Wed 31-Dec-14 00:24:41

Just saw the update. Offering the loan of a professional camera sounds OTT since you have v. little goodwill to her - I'm sure an "sorry, I'm unavailable" message would suffice. good luck!

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