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To wish he would just stop or slow down?

(43 Posts)
mawinter Tue 30-Dec-14 21:07:56

Years ago when I was still a teenager we were driving back from picking up another friend at her house and were headed back to mine when my one friend driving the car accidentally struck and killed a pedestrian.
It is a long weird story, but in short the guy just stood in the street raised his glass and smiled at us as my friend struck him. He thought we were some people he had been having a fight with earlier. My friend was not wearing his glasses while driving and unfortunately was looking away, so did not notice him until too late and I opened my mouth to yell stop but nothing came out.
I have suffered PTSD for years now and even attended therapy for it, which did not help. I also suffer chronic nightmares as a result of the PTSD.
My DH knows about what happened and still drives like a fricken ass. His thing is he does not need to slow down because to him someone who crosses the street in front of a car should know damn well they better move fast and out of the way before a car comes. I have repeatedly asked him to slow down when we see someone crossing on the street and have explained how much this bothers me and sets me back, but he does not seem to care and acts like I am the one with the problem only.
Am I being unreasonable here or is he?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 30-Dec-14 21:12:20

He's a tit and a reckless driver who thinks pedestrians 'should know damn well they better move fast and out of the way before a car comes.'

He doesn't care about your feelings and I think he's a cunt.

Topseyt Tue 30-Dec-14 21:15:26

He is being unreasonable. A car is a lethal weapon if not handled carefully. Would he say the same in such a cold-hearted way if it was a child who stepped out?

SaucyMare Tue 30-Dec-14 21:16:02

Yep, thoughtless heartless cunt

ILovePud Tue 30-Dec-14 21:17:22

What a terrible experience to have gone through mawinter. I'm sorry to say based on what you've said about his attitude to pedestrians he does sound like an arse. Do you have this anxiety when anyone else is driving though?

EdSheeransGString Tue 30-Dec-14 21:18:51

I agree, he is a cunt.

People like this drive me mad. Do they really not care?

Exdp used to drive like a fucking maniac. He would think nothing of driving 50 in a 30 and would laugh when I asked him to slow down. His attitude was very much 'it won't happen to me' and would sneer and laugh at anyone who told him different.

Usually when a crash happens, these types of people walk away...

RandomNPC Tue 30-Dec-14 21:19:03

I have to agree with the others, he's behaving like a right cunt.

edwinbear Tue 30-Dec-14 21:19:12

You are re-living a horrific experience that happened to you every time you get in a car with him. It's not surprising you still have nightmares. He is being a selfish git. YADNBU.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 30-Dec-14 21:22:58

I would never get in a car with him

Pedestrians have right of way at ALL times - a lot of very bad drivers don't know that.

You can't control what he does but you're not a teenager any more and it might really help your mental health to assert yourself and choose to not get in a car with him - you had much less choice and awareness when you were younger. I genuinely think this could help you. smile

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 30-Dec-14 21:23:11

Is he a twat out of the car too, in every day life?

TinkerbellaPan Tue 30-Dec-14 21:29:44

Your "D"H is a fucking arsehole. Your PTSD aside, he is a reckless, careless driver with a dangerous attitude.

SillyBugger Tue 30-Dec-14 21:29:46

I think it's impossible to say without actually seeing his driving, because your experience may be affecting how you perceive his driving, and how you perceive pedestrians are likely to behave. Is it possible you are being a bit Hyacinth Bucket, as in 'watch out for that cow, in the field' <dh rolls eyes> 'yes dear'?

christmaspies Tue 30-Dec-14 21:33:14

Why don't you drive instead?

scarletforya Tue 30-Dec-14 21:33:55

Don't get in the car with him. Drive yourself op.

SaucyMare Tue 30-Dec-14 21:38:49

This happened to a friend, he refuses to get into cars.

ChickenMe Tue 30-Dec-14 21:40:59

Only people with low self esteem drive too fast. An adequate man would not need to. I think you need a discussion with him about it away from the car. When he's driving is the worst time to bring it up. Plenty of "when you do x I feel y" and "I don't feel safe in the car with you" might help.
Hate hate hate speeders. FIL brahs about getting points for doing 99. Would've laughed if he'd been banned. BIL also thinks it's hilarious that he does 100. Have told OH that our DC is not going in any car driven by them.
On the other hand my Dad does 35 in a 60. Ffs.

Backinthering Tue 30-Dec-14 21:46:49

Nasty bastard. It's my pet hate when drivers don't slow down, or, worse, speed up. What if someone has a startle and stumbles? What if they are elderly or disabled?
How can anyone have so little care for another human life?
Horrible experience for you OP. I witnessed a child being knocked down and killed years ago and it's still very distressing to me. But that aside, you're in no way being unreasonable.

mawinter Tue 30-Dec-14 21:49:53

ILovePud I do not have this type of anxiety with others when they are driving.

For the most part I ride the bus or my bike where i can, but there are times when we have to go on long trips together where I have no choice but to get in a car with him. Here, I also have no license, as it is too expensive.

There was one time pretty recently when we were driving that we had gotten to an area of road work. Everyone else was slowing down, but not DH. He instead shot around all the workers with the car and almost struck one. I agree he is the type of person who thinks such a bad accident will never happen to him and when it does he will sit there with a look on his face like someone has stolen his little toy from his baby hands.

He also drives crazy fast at times, most often we are doing 180 on the autobahn, which is well over the speed limit where we live or drive.

Sillybugger The moments which freak me out is when the pedestrians would be struck if they happened to trip a bit in their steps. When they are several feet away I am not bothered.

Backinthering Tue 30-Dec-14 21:51:55

I would honestly leave him for that.

Topseyt Tue 30-Dec-14 21:54:11

He almost sounds like he shouldn't be on the road at all.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 30-Dec-14 22:05:40

Is he a twat in everyday life?

MyAcheybreakyBones Tue 30-Dec-14 22:19:00

He's a dangerous twat.

mawinter Tue 30-Dec-14 22:29:58

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sorry, knew I was forgetting to answer one question. Sometimes he can be, sometimes not. It depends on the situation really, like with many people. Mainly he is just a twat when he drives.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 30-Dec-14 22:47:26

"there are times when we have to go on long trips together where I have no choice but to get in a car with him."
You do have the choice. It may be horrendously expensive, really inconvenient and lead to him having a total tantrum, but the choice still exists. Every time you do get into the car with him driving, it reinforces his twattish belief that his driving is not a problem. He is a reckless dangerous driver, and yes, a cunt.

FraggleMountain Tue 30-Dec-14 23:05:10

Either he is immature and genuinely doesn't understand the problem, which isn't great, or he is doing it on purpose because he gets a kick out of holding such power over you. Which would be abusive. Either way, he's not treating you well in this. I'm so sorry about your previous experience. He should be showing more consideration. Yanbu!

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