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AIBU?

To want to get pregnant At 40 under the circumstances..

77 replies

FlourishingMrs · 30/12/2014 18:54

Been with DP 4 years I am divorced with two DC, youngest is 9. He has never married and no DC. He has always said he is not bothered, up until now I thought I was done. I have just stopped using hormonal contraception due to effects so was going to try persona and barriers methods which we discussec and agreed.

However he since I got off the hormones, he is not using the latex, withdrawing, anything at all. In fact he is wanting it twice daily for nearly a month now. The first two weeks I kept reminding him that it's risky we could conceive. He told me that he is university educated and knows how stuff works.

This has caused me to be even more broody as I know he would make a great dad because of how he is with mine.Based on this I don't think we have the discipline for persona so I should get a copper coil or get sterilised. He has refused a vasectomy. I think I want another baby,but he has not come out with the words that he wants one. He is not good with feelings, he is a practical kind of man, dinner, flowers, cups of tea affectionate but not words. Your thoughts please.

OP posts:

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EatShitDerek · 30/12/2014 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe · 30/12/2014 18:57

You really need to talk to each other about what you both want.

TheXxed · 30/12/2014 18:58

'I kept reminding him that it's risky we could conceive. He told me that he is university educated and knows how stuff works'

Huh?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 30/12/2014 18:58

I think he's telling you he wants a baby

AuntieStella · 30/12/2014 18:58

This sounds all wrong.

You really do need a proper discussion on whether or not you (as a couple) want to bring another child into your family. It's not a chance thing to be left to miscommunications and what sounds like fob off lines from him.

ApocalypseThen · 30/12/2014 18:58

Age isn't a problem but don't get pregnant till he agrees that as a couple, you want a baby.

opalstones · 30/12/2014 19:00

Stop having sex with him until you have the conversation.

magpieginglebells · 30/12/2014 19:00

Have you actually sat down and talked about this?

expatinscotland · 30/12/2014 19:03

Have a talk! You're a couple.

calmexterior · 30/12/2014 19:14

Ask him. If you're going to have a baby together you need to be able to talk about things like this.

newyearsresolutionsnotforme · 30/12/2014 19:18

Why not just say, when he says he knows how these things work, 'Great so we're trying for a baby then'. Because if you're not using contraception and are fertile, you're ttc.

fluffymouse · 30/12/2014 19:22

The problem here is you are assuming he wants to be a father. That is a dangerous assumption to make.

You need to discuss what you want, and use contraception unless you both want a child.

londonrach · 30/12/2014 19:23

You ttc do you want a baby with him?

LadyLuck10 · 30/12/2014 19:25

How are you living with him as a family, having a relationship with him yet can't have a simple conversation about this. You are making assumptions and asking strangers when you should be asking your dp.

Pagwatch · 30/12/2014 19:28

How can you be contemplating having a child with a man when you communicate so poorly that you can't ask him if he wants a child.

How does that even happen?

After the 'I'm university educated ' bollocks, what did you say?
How did you not say 'so we are effectively trying for a baby then. Is that what you want?

asmallandnoisymonkey · 30/12/2014 19:30

I actually laughed at the 'university educated'.

Have you seen some of the idiots with degrees nowadays?

Viviennemary · 30/12/2014 19:35

I'd take it that he has no objection to a baby.

FrugalMcDougal · 30/12/2014 19:36

Oh gosh that has actually made me laugh out loud!

Sorry OP but really, you can't possibly really be thinking of having a baby with someone you can't even have that conversation with.

You do realise you will have to actually discuss things after having a child or will you do that through mime and guesswork also?

Its what all the university educated folk are doing now.

zzzzz · 30/12/2014 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlourishingMrs · 30/12/2014 19:45

Great comments there, yes the university thing annoyed me at first, then I felt I was being patronising. I just wanted to remind him of our new contraception method.

Yes we have discussed it, he says he would expect me to keep the baby if I got pregnant, he says that he would attend antenatal classes and help with night feeds. I believe him because he is very good with my two. We have been together 4 years so I consider our relationship to be solid.

Please don't laugh but when we are apart he will phone/text but won't use the words, I am missing you. When I get home he would have run me a bath, made dinner, sorted homework, nice lovely hug but no "I really missed you" took some getting used to.

OP posts:

HolyTerror · 30/12/2014 19:46

Jesus, OP, unless I'm mistaken, there are two of you having sex here! Why on earth would you have twice-daily sex with someone you can't tell to put on a condom? Whether or not he wants a baby, and whether or not you do, you need to actually talk about it and, crucially, actually act on what you decide.

FlourishingMrs · 30/12/2014 19:48

Great comments there, yes the university thing annoyed me at first, then I felt I was being patronising. I just wanted to remind him of our new contraception method.

Yes we have discussed it, he says he would expect me to keep the baby if I got pregnant, he says that he would attend antenatal classes and help with night feeds. I believe him because he is very good with my two. We have been together 4 years so I consider our relationship to be solid.

Please don't laugh but when we are apart he will phone/text but won't use the words, I am missing you. When I get home he would have run me a bath, made dinner, sorted homework, nice lovely hug but no "I really missed you" took some getting used to.

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magpieginglebells · 30/12/2014 19:48

Does he actually want a baby?

FlourishingMrs · 30/12/2014 19:51

HolyTerror, thank you for your thoughts. It's not that I cannot ask him to wear one, I am the broody one, And he knows this. I am reminding him to be responsible if he really does not want to procreate.

I have suggested vasectomy etc he won't.Now I feel it's up to me to really decide what I want...

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FlourishingMrs · 30/12/2014 19:53

magpie, I am starting to think he does. Please people no more just talk to him, I have . It seems the ball is in my court...

Broody Broody

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