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To think that DP should have gone to the police in the first place....(warning: graphic)

(174 Posts)
lemisscared Tue 30-Dec-14 10:59:46

OK so DP has been doing some subcontracting work at my old uni. With his friend who i didn't think he had worked with for years. Anyway, it turns out they fell out with the contractor and like the petty buggers that they are, went back and dug up one of the paths that they lay.This was back in the summer. The university is set in woodlands and there are lots of winding, out of the way, paths. He TOLD me this path was out of the way.

Anyway, in typical DP fashion, he dithers and procrastinates and finally comes clean to me that they uncovered a bit of a problem. So i go along to his garage (the garage he gave up about 5 years ago hmm). The concrete mixer that he hired 5 years ago was still there ffs, turns out he is still paying for it (they call him mr mixer at the hire place, now i know why!) . So DP hands me a carrier bag and what is inside? A fucking severed head shock, quite well preserved but he insists it was dug up at the path site. He has kept it in the garage, along with the cement mixer (tbh im more angry about this than the head, we can't afford to keep paying for hire on something that we would have paid for ten times over by now).

Now he wants to re-bury the head and reinstate the path hmm So like an idiot i go along with him, with the head in a carrier bag ffs, back to my old uni to find the path, which of course he can't remember where it is! For some reason, we ended up wandering around my old department, got lost and ended up in the tea room, which had moved, everyone turned and looked at me, i remember some of the professors but no one acknowledged my presence (bit hurtful but relieved not to be asked questions).

We finally find our way outside and everythings changed, there are straw hut bars all over the place and its like some sort of tropical celebration is taking place and there are students EVERYWHERE!

I'm getting worried by this point and thinking that we need to find somewhere else to hide the head. The path where DP found it lead right up to my old department and it seems that someone else has already recovered it.

We know our local woods (theres quite a lot of them) quite well from years of dog walking but I worry that a dog will dig up the head, its been in the back of DP's car, albeit in a plastic bag from the local bookshop (actually quite a thin bag so if you look hard you can make out a face shock but if you're not expecting to see a severed head i doubt you'd realise) there is going to be forensic evidence isn't there?

I should also like to know, just out of curiosity hmm who the head belonged to - as a coincidence, when we were walking through the party area (all the tropical bars) i heard on the radio that corpse of a prince was found about 50 miles away - it didn't mention that it was headless but HAS to be the body doesn't it?

I cannot understand why DP didn't just call the police in the first instance, because now we are fucked. I want him to go to the police and explain everything and think that it would be the correct thing to do. I think i managed to persuade him.

I was in bed this morning getting this all straight in my head when DD came in and woke me up.....................wink

I had to write it down, just to try and straighten it out in my head, they say you should do that at the first opportunity don't they, or you forget things, its all getting vaguer by the minute

EatShitDerek Tue 30-Dec-14 11:01:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsstarlord Tue 30-Dec-14 11:01:30


LookImStuckInTheChimney Tue 30-Dec-14 11:01:55


curiousgeorgie Tue 30-Dec-14 11:02:57



thegreylady Tue 30-Dec-14 11:03:08

Outline plot for novel? Dream/nightmare? Silly wind up? Whatever....

Stealthpolarbear Tue 30-Dec-14 11:03:20

What?? On the off chance this is real he needs to call the police likea normal person would do

MarchEliza Tue 30-Dec-14 11:03:52

Right... Ok then.

cogitosum Tue 30-Dec-14 11:04:28

Is this one of those that's a book or something?

pippitysqueakity Tue 30-Dec-14 11:04:35


lemisscared Tue 30-Dec-14 11:04:38

Thanks for the brew and biscuit Mrs starlord, its too early for wine isn't it?

TalesOfTheCity Tue 30-Dec-14 11:04:51

It's a dream, people. Have some brew brew brew

QueenOfThorns Tue 30-Dec-14 11:05:02

I was getting quite concerned until I got to the wink at the end!


TSSDNCOP Tue 30-Dec-14 11:05:04

It could have been worse. In my dream I shagged Clarkson.

cogitosum Tue 30-Dec-14 11:05:13

Oh just seen the end and realized it was a dream grin

lemisscared Tue 30-Dec-14 11:05:29

No, its not an outline for a novel.......i blatantly can't write for toffee grin

HouseWhereNobodyLives Tue 30-Dec-14 11:05:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Tue 30-Dec-14 11:06:00

Was this a dream or do you think we are gullible fools? Either way, you are completely wasting our time.

Oh and if you're writing a novel about this, it won't sell.

Cleorapter Tue 30-Dec-14 11:06:30

And it was all a dream...

Doyouthinktheysaurus Tue 30-Dec-14 11:06:31


Tinkerball Tue 30-Dec-14 11:06:46

It's a dream obviously because OP says she was woken up...but why have you put your dream in AIBU? confused

lemisscared Tue 30-Dec-14 11:07:02

TSSDNCOP - now that is fucked up!

Mrsstarlord Tue 30-Dec-14 11:07:16

Never too early for wine

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 30-Dec-14 11:07:16

Is this a joke? I'm probably going to be accused of being one of the professionally offended now but don't think it's very funny

AndHarry Tue 30-Dec-14 11:07:56

Last night DS' nursery let him go home with another parent I didn't know, in a car without a car seat, then forged her details on the 'adults allowed to collect' form. I put it on AIBU and then reported them to OFSTED grin

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