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to ask you to explain to DD, because I can't get through to her

(61 Posts)
RebeccaDuWinter Mon 29-Dec-14 19:13:23

that just because she is no longer at the lowest end of a 'healthy' BMI for her height, does not mean she is grossly fat. She is absolutely convinced the higher end of the healthy range is 'fat' because it is 'fatter' than the lower end and restricting her eating to try and change this, and I can't convince her otherwise. She does exercise regularly, but not as regularly as she did as she simply doesn't have time to compete anymore, and reducing hours has meant weight gain, her solution is to starve herself until she loses weight. I will show her this thread.

VitalStollenFix Mon 29-Dec-14 19:14:56

how old is she?

snowberry86 Mon 29-Dec-14 19:16:56

As someone who has done years of starving themselves and struggling with an eating disorder please get your daughter some medical help as soon as possible. Request CBT for her to try and address the connections she is making between her weight and her happiness.

Also.... Throw away your scales.

mommy2ash Mon 29-Dec-14 19:19:17

does she need to lose weight? if so help her do it in a healthy way? how old is she? at the higher end of normal for my bmi i need to lose weight as I gain it on my tummy. im simply not healthy. everyone is different and you need to look a. the bigger picture rather than just bmi equally many people will still look fine at the higher end.

Salmotrutta Mon 29-Dec-14 19:19:58

Could you find an online BMI chart that shows where BMI is straying into the "fat/obese" range?

Does she realise that muscle mass will affect BMI? She could have higher muscle mass?

Showy Mon 29-Dec-14 19:22:34

Did you post about this the other day?

I think it sounds like a lot of conversations about weight are happening in your house. I think if your child is starving herself then she needs to talk to a professional.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 29-Dec-14 19:24:10

There is no one less rational than a teenager when it comes to weight issues. I've got a young woman wailing about the fact her bum's too small to hold her jeans up (size 12 down to 10 due to jaw surgery). Just keep bashing away OP.

MinnieM1 Mon 29-Dec-14 19:24:10

Throw out the scales!

GlitzAndGigglesx Mon 29-Dec-14 19:24:38

Noooo I'm at the end of the healthy range and wear size 10-12. There's nothing wrong with it! Starving yourself is dangerous I tried it as a child and it made me really ill

StrattersThePreciousSnowflake Mon 29-Dec-14 19:28:33

Ah yes, we have Small Arse Frets in this house too.

Pensionerpeep Mon 29-Dec-14 19:29:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CassieBearRawr Mon 29-Dec-14 19:34:16

Your daughter needs professional help Rebecca, she either has an eating disorder or is on the cusp of one.

LIZS Mon 29-Dec-14 19:34:44

Adult Bmi charts don't really apply to children and adolescents. Eating well but in proportion and balanced diet with some exercise is important.

I was naturally skinny until my late 20s and was often accused of having an eating disorder which was really hurtful and made me more self conscious. Younger people need to avoid being self conscious and I would also advise you not to make a big deal of this unless she is doing herself harm.

snowberry86 Mon 29-Dec-14 19:36:49

As pensionerpeep says being underweight has massive implications.

If it would help to pm me then please do. I am now struggling to conceive after being a low weight for too long, have developed hairs on my body because I dont have enough weight to maintain body temperature, my hair is thinning on my head and I shake constantly.

Being underweight is not at all appealing, however when an eating disorder takes hold all rational thought disappears!

grumbleina Mon 29-Dec-14 19:37:22

What snowberry said, and especially, I can't emphasise enough, about the scales.

ChestyTheSnowman Mon 29-Dec-14 19:37:33

Was it you that posted about christmas dinner?

I had strange eating habits/ disorder in late teens and would have hit the roof if I knew my DM was discussing it on an online forum and canvassing opinion.

Sounds like she needs professional advice and support.

comeagainforbigfudge Mon 29-Dec-14 19:38:25

Oh dear.

Rebeccaduwinter's daughter it's no fun being a teenager is it? I was a fairly skinny teenager who then proceeded to put on some weight. It's a rubbish feeling when clothes don't fit properly anymore.
Thing is starving yourself won't help. I've been there and tried that. All that happened was I wouldn't eat proper meals then scoff chocolate/crisps/anything I could get my hands on. And cycle would repeat for a while. Never lost weight. Just got spots!

Talk to your mum sweetheart. Maybe the two of you could come up with a meal plan that has lots of fresh veg and fruit? Drink water, cut the fizzy juice out.

Don't starve yourself, you'll just ended up feeling even more miserable, you won't be able to concentrate on your studies. Exercising will feel harder. I used to feel like I was always getting a cold as well.

HTH flowers

immortalwife Mon 29-Dec-14 19:39:19

My doctor actually told me that for people who excersise very regularly or frequently and are very toned and muscular, BMI is actually irrelevant!

If you have good muscle tone and are size 10, your bmi is higher than someone who is a "flabby" size 10 (no muscle). This by no means makes the one whose bmi is higher obese! They are the same size in clothes, but one is active and has actual muscle mass, so weighs more!

You don't want to end up so tired from not eating that you can't do anything, as you may become completely sedentary and lose interest In life.

daisychain01 Mon 29-Dec-14 19:40:40

Think about food as a way of keeping you looking great and feeling energetic.

Good quality fresh food, in reasonable portion sizes, means you don't get colds and feel tired, and gives you a gorgeous complexion. Without the right nutrients you can't stay busy doing what you need to do in life.

Food can be your friend, not your enemy, if you look after yourself with small tasty regular meals.

Littlef00t Mon 29-Dec-14 19:49:34

The reason there is a range for healthy is because everyone's body is a different shape and healthy varies for everyone. In addition, everyone has a range that is healthy for themselves.

Also, there is a lot of evidence that weight loss achieved through poor diets and starvation makes it worse, as you quickly gain back plus more what you lost.

editthis Mon 29-Dec-14 19:53:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bulbasaur Mon 29-Dec-14 20:01:29

Exercise: Yes!
Eat healthy: Yes!
Watching calories: Yes!

Starving yourself: Dear god no.

If appealing to her about her health doesn't work on this one, you might want to tell her about yo-yo dieting. If she starves herself, she'll just gain it all right back and then some. As long as she's eating healthy and staying in shape, I wouldn't worry about the number on the the scale. In fact, I'd get rid of them all.

WooWooOwl Mon 29-Dec-14 20:07:41

Is she actually planning on starving herself, or is that an exaggeration?

It makes a big difference how old she is.

Tbh, I feel fat when I'm at the higher end of my healthy bmi range and because none of my clothes fit and I can see that there is actually a fair amount of fat on me. Bmi is crap IMO.

newyearsresolutionsnotforme Mon 29-Dec-14 20:11:13

She is defiitely in the cusp of an eating disorder. Exercise and moderation is always the key, not faddy dieting or starvation. Not ony can they royally mess up your body and have a lasting bad effect but you rarely ever keep the weight off after.

Honesty time. I had a an eating disorder, as did a friend. She starved herself for a time- she wrecked all her teeth, shrunk her stomach, her periods stopped and she has fertility issues most likely because of it. I binge ate and purged. I thought I could control it and was very wrong. I ended up with bad IBS and food issues. I get many anal fissues now thanks to the IBS which was directly caused by my method of purging. Screaming while shitting is not a pleasant thing and it and the IBS severely restrict my social life now, every time i go anywhere-even travelling in the car- I am looking out for the nearest toilet. I too may have fertility issues, have awful stretch marks and struggle sometimes not to binge.

Your concentration will go, you skin will pale and look clammy, you will look ill- not good. People may compliment you for your weight loss as many do, they will say you look good but they will not be looking at your face as they say it, if they were they would not say it. Your periods will stop or become erratic, you will get breathless easy and possibly faint. You will lose the weight you want and feel satisfaction, then in a short time you will gain it again and feel the need to starve. You will never be happy with yourself while doing this and every repeat will lead to more self loathing and belief that you are useless.

Your daughter is looking for what she thinks is a viable short term solution...it will never be short term, she will keep repeating if she gets into doing this. She will think she's in control but actually will have no control. It will mess with her body and mess with her head,she will end up cycling through loathing and loving herself. She needs this honesty.

Perhaps she could try some other kind of exercise, a DVD or something like the 30 day shred? 20 minutes every couple of days, that's all. Far better to exercise then starve herself. Just remind her that if she's exercising she will always gain weight from muscle gain.

newyearsresolutionsnotforme Mon 29-Dec-14 20:13:35

And by fadding dieting I mean things like binging, juice diets etc...not act moderation of carbs or calorie counting (though the latter can lead to obsession).

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