to want to stem the tide of presents for our pfb?(27 Posts)
People have been incredibly kind but I'm feeling overwhelmed by the amount of gifts we've been given for our 3 month old - lots from distant relatives/friends of parents who we've never even met! Not just typical "gift" type things but loads and loads of everyday clothes, I'm wondering if people think we're skint as we have quite an unusual lifestyle (we're not rich but not struggling either). Post-Christmas we are groaning with things we don't really need or want. Is this normal? How do people deal with it without seeming rude and ungrateful?
I should add that we live in a tiny space and have no storage so were very clear about what would be useful Christmas presents and about not wanting loads of things but it doesn't seem to have registered at all.
I'm planning to donate a load of clothes to a clothes bank but that's tricky with the things MIL has given us (all grey or navy blue, I don't really want to dress him like he's in uniform for the next 6 months), but I'd like to try and nip this in the bud now if at all possible. Any advice much appreciated and please don't flame me for being an ungrateful cow.
It's hard I know. I still get the same for my now 3 year old and my house is groaning under all of the lovely things he gets given!
How about opening a savings account for your ds and telling people who want to get him something that you would appreciate/prefer contributions to that so you can get him what he needs, when he needs it so you don't waste anything. After all, there's only so many clothes a child can wear and toys they can play with before they grow!
I think this is what I'm going to do for my ds birthday. My house can't take much more
That's not a bad idea, I'll see if we can put the word out before his birthday! Although I imagine a lot of it is about people enjoying choosing baby things so I'd worry we'd just end up with money and stuff and then I'll feel doubly ungrateful! Do people not think it's a bit grabby asking for money?
YANBU but you should put the presents away for your second born as it's likely that a significant portion of your excited family will fail to register the birth of any subsequent child. Our PFB got a bank account with money, £200 of clothes, handmade blankets, booties and toys. My family turfed out their Christmas guests to visit breathlessly within 48hrs if his arrival. DD got a paper mobile and DM finally wandered down alone to see her a couple of weeks after she'd been born. DF didn't want to cancel his Saturday golf or come alone so waited til a convenient half term so mum could accompany him. No bank account, no clothes, no presents, no interest (except in how PFB is coping with it all, natch). Honestly, revel in it.
It's very traditional to buy baby presents and I don't see how you can avoid it without appearing rude and ungracious.
Could you suggest buying a bigger size for DS to grow in to or toys for when he's bigger
that can be left at MILs to play with.
I think it would be wrong to ask for money.
I exchanged a lot of baby clothes for similar/the same in bigger sizes, or credit vouchers. We were given a lot too.
Agree to exchanging them for bigger sizes.
Also subsequent dcs won't get a much.
It will tail off. Honestly I wouldn't waste your time trying to control it - that way madness lies! And you probably won't get anywhere anyway. I have given up trying to persuade in laws to buy less. Accept it graciously, wear some, save some, donate some. People love buying for babies, but this year will be the most ridiculous. Ds1 (7) got a normal amount of presents this year, DD (10 months), mountains of clothes and toys.
We did for dd1 (pfc, pfgc, we moved just before she was born so we had tonnes as goodbye presents, and welcome presents!)
We ended up with so many beautiful outfits in age 3-6 months she could ahve almost worn one a day!
However what I did was those (like M&S) that would exchange for a bigger size, I did.
And actually then I didn't have so much in each size, so it wasn't that bad.
And we hardly got any clothes for dd2, so it was nice to have so many nice ones from dd1 that were hardly worn.
Asking people to give you money does sound grabby however you phrase it.
It took me a while to relax about this as well as I hate to feel anyone is wasting their money. But people like to buy for babies!
My DH hates it but I always exchange things that I think are unsuitable. I like to dress DD in bright colours so anything pink generally gets changed for something similar in another colour as pale pink does not really mix and match as well with her wardrobe. Also MIL has a habit of picking up things in the wrong size for the wrong time of the year (eg jumpers and coats for summer )
We did get some money so she has a bank account but people rarely like to send money. We got lots of vouchers though.
People like buying baby clothes for new babies, just exchange what you don't need for different or bigger. I stressed so much about having too much, just wish I'd exchanged more and worried less now.
Oh god - don't ask for money. It comes across as grabby however practical in theory. I think the gift giving is more about the giver feeling good. Let them have that moment and don't turn it into a money thang!
I could have written your OP word for word. Currently have two bin bags full of unused clothes in the boot of my car. I want to give them to local women's refuge or something but scared I'm going to get caught out with the 'where's this outfit' type thing so waiting until I can say he outgrew them and I donated them.
I had so much bought in 0-3 and he is massive and already out stuff he hasn't had a chance to wear by 2 months.
He could wear a new outfit every day until he outgrows that size plus bitch alert I'm really fussy about what he's put in so I know I just won't put him in some stuff. Also because he is big some things will fall in wrong season so I know it won't get used.
Then you get the people giving you their DC's cast offs and you have to look gracious and you're thinking 'wtf am I going to do with all this' and knowing their dumping it on you to get it out their house!
I know there are people with nothing so it's brattish but we all know it's true - I will donate a lot of it.
I have learnt now though not to buy clothes for friends' kids - I will be giving vouchers from now on so they can pick something they like in the size they need or - one of best presents I had - big pack of nappies!
Please receive gratefully because the gift givers will have enjoyed buying for your baby. If the clothes have tags on then large stores will usually swap for a bigger size. Otherwise put the clothes on, take a picture and then pass on.
That's the only thing that worries me. I'm not grabby in the least but I can't cope with more stuff! I would hate to offend anyone.
I'm going to tell family to do what they want. If they want to put money in his savings they can but if they'd rather get him a small (key word) gift then do that. That way it's up to them.
My Dsis got Ds (and me) tickets to an event later in the new year Instead of a gift. That's another idea for when your Ds is a bit older.
liquid My MIL does that buys clothes for DD in the sales, in the wrong season and not big enough to save, like a summer sleeveless t-shirt for Christmas I've now got to return as it doesn't even fit now.
I think she forgets that kids are still growing.
Exchanging for bigger sizes is a possibility but part of the problem is I don't really like a lot of this stuff - I've basically got a while wardrobe of really conservative "boy" clothes that make me feel a bit depressed! Anyone who knows us would know we'd like bright cheerful gender neutral things...which I know sounds ungrateful but I enjoy dressing my son in things that look nice! And now I don't feel like I can justify buying anything I like. Also I already have a load of great cast-offs from friends -with good taste- . Ah well, guess I'll just be gracious and hope it abates as he gets older!
I would pick a few favourite bits - you can mix and match the very gendered stuff with bright stuff and it doesn't look bad - and exchange the rest for bigger sizes and perhaps "accidentally" get the bigger sizes in a different colour. If anyone asks just say they didn't have that colour in the larger size but you didn't want their gift to sit unworn.
The stuff I didn't like much and couldn't take back or swap for bigger size I usually put my son in on sick days, staying in days. Believe me you can go through a lot of clothes when they get the vomits/ shits. Or I kept them as spares in bags/ the car.
Most baby clothes will come from a shop that sells other baby stuff than clothes, so maybe you can exchange a few of the clothes for something you wouldn't/couldn't otherwise afford? DD was given several party dresses in 0-3 months and I exchanged them for a baby monitor, which was much more useful.
We were in a similar position with our son, now 4.5 months. I exchanged as much as I could for bigger sizes, and am keeping a few things to give away (eg we got a few Disney things, which aren't to my taste, but I know some people would love, so I'll keep them good and pass them on). I run a parent and toddler group, though, so I pretty much always know someone who can make good use of anything that I can't!
Although I admit I'm a bit of a snob about what I like - have you noticed the trend of terribly uncomfortable things for babies as well? I've had a couple of outfits with hard material dungarees over the top of something else - apart from the fact they would be a bit of a pain to get off after a poo explosion I just wouldn't put DS in them. I like him in grows or long sleeve vests with soft trousers over. Never thought to take stuff back without receipts - will they just exchange it? Seems ungrateful but I suppose saves the waste.
Dd born in oct. She got lots of clothes from people. All very generous. Then for Christmas, she received another ridiculous sized bundle of clothes. I spent yesterday returning the ones I could. I had no receipts. Now have a bundle of credit notes that I can use as and when she needs things. I do feel guilty having done it though...
DD got tonnes of clothes initially, and people were incredibly keen to pass on stuff their kids had grown out of and MiL can't resist a bargain in the sales / charity shop...
however from her 2nd birthday on no one has bought her clothes it's all stuff and some relatives buy her completely age inappropriate stuff
which has been put into storage for bump we do now have 2 savings accounts though, so DH's family tend to give money to us and something to open which somehow turns into tonnes to open my mum is the trustee on the other account so deals with any money that comes from my side, as such DD got a few little things from my side which was nice and manageable.
It will get easier as the excitement wears off OP
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