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To think Christmas with my family has run its course and to call it a day?

(14 Posts)
Usernamerunningout Mon 29-Dec-14 10:49:01

I have one sister and our parents are separated.

Mum lives 30 mins away dad and sister live an hour in opposite directions away so not far everyone drives all fit and well.

Beginning of Dec mum said she was having Xmas just her and step dad and we (sister and I) weren't to buy gifts for them and handed me £20 to buy gifts for my family (4 of us with). Thought bit bah humbug but hey her choice.

A week later I saw my sister gave her gifts for each of her family (5) (for full details not giving for monetary but each gift was around £30 but more based on what I thought each person would like/want). She gave us a box of chocolates.

A week later I saw my dad gave him and his partner gifts. He gave us vouchers which were gratefully received by us.

Anyway Christmas comes and goes. Last night I call my sister and dad separately. Say to my sister did your lot like your gifts got the response yeah they were alright, I (admittedly rude to do so) said you could of said thank you, she responded sarcastically yeah right thanks.

My dad opened the call with so you gave me the same sweets and chocolate as every year I said I thought you liked those he said I do. He then said what on earth is this picture about, (seaside scene) I said oh I saw it in gallery and thought you would like it, he said yeah right. I said thank you for the vouchers and said what clothes I'd bought in the store with them. He responded you wasted my money on that (it was £30) what was he expecting me to do?

Basically none of my family have seen or spoken to me over Christmas and put no thought into gifts and criticised what I have done.

I am very hurt by behaviour and comments. AIBU to think next year I'm going to say as mum no gifts and not give any myself?

CalleighDoodle Mon 29-Dec-14 10:53:30

It doesnt sound like ou put any thought into your father's Gift either.

Can your sis afford to spend a lot?

Your mum sounds a real treat!

HoggleHoggle Mon 29-Dec-14 10:56:04

I think it might be wise...sounds as though there's going to be no middle ground. Or do a secret Santa? That's what we do in my family, it saves money and also stops us all buying crap for the sake of it. In DH's family we just buy for the children which also makes things easier and it's a win/win - it's easier and more festive to buy for children, and in return we don't get a load of stuff we quite frankly don't need. It's been liberating.

Usernamerunningout Mon 29-Dec-14 10:59:36

I did I went into numerous shops looking for a gift, then was in an art gallery and saw a picture that I honestly thought my dad would like, he obviously didn't and I got that wrong but certainly the thought was there.

The sweets and chocolates were just little extras with it because he likes them which he did say he did but moaned about getting them. If that was all I gave bit off to moan but I would understand but as an aside to main gift thought it was rude.

Sister not at all hard up, no mortgage etc. dont mind only got chocolates but bothered she couldn't be bothered to say thank you.

Usernamerunningout Mon 29-Dec-14 11:01:05

Good idea goggle but "children" are over 18. So even on that basis run its course.

Usernamerunningout Mon 29-Dec-14 11:01:37

Sorry hoggle not goggle!

duplodon Mon 29-Dec-14 11:04:27

I think why not. My mam advised me, as her parents advised her, to do Christmas annually in our own home and do a family get together on one of the days afterwards, usually Boxing Day. Takes a lot of pressure and expectation out of the equation, more pleasant all around.

MrsTawdry Mon 29-Dec-14 11:06:05

Doodle she bought him a picture from a gallery that she thought he'd like! Where's the lack of thought there? Also sweets and chocolate!

OP stop buying....just tell them not to bother too. Save you a lot of disappointment.

HoggleHoggle Mon 29-Dec-14 11:06:53

I think in that case maybe an honest conversation with your sister etc to suggest just stopping buying gifts. I know you don't give to receive but that being said, I personally find it a bit soul destroying to put effort into buying a gift only for the effort/consideration not to be reciprocated. It's not fair on you and also it's not worth being upset about around Christmas, so I'd protect yourself for next year.
For what it's worth we bought SIL and BIL something we genuinely thought they would love and it falls under the 'thoughtful' category. They couldn't have given less of a fuck, so we won't be repeating the mistake angry

CalleighDoodle Mon 29-Dec-14 11:13:47

It depends i think. Does he have pictures hanging in his home? If not something he thinks about, then its something op would like him to like instead maybe.

In my family we stop buying for children when they turn 18. We only get esch other (my siblings) token gifts like wine they like, or chocolates.

Nanny0gg Mon 29-Dec-14 11:15:11

We always bought my father the same chocolates every year (in addition to his presents) because they were his absolute favourites. He was always very pleased and it became a family tradition.

I don't see what the OP did was in anyway wrong and her family are rude and ungrateful.

I wouldn't bother next year.

Shizlack Mon 29-Dec-14 11:37:28

Oh OP, that's rubbish. I don't really have a solution but yanbu at all. We've just had a Christmas like that with no gifts from uncles, aunts and cousins and not a thank you either (or from DM, DB and dgp) and the thing that makes it not utterly upsetting is the fact that it wasn't me that behaved like that.
So perhaps the best you're going to be able to take from it is that you're the thoughtful one - whatever change that happens next year wasn't because of you.

DustyBedhead Mon 29-Dec-14 11:49:44

Yanbu, don't do it again next year tell everyone well in advance that due to Xmas being stressful/busy etc you're only going to buy for the children ( if there are any under 18 ) from now on.

2rebecca Mon 29-Dec-14 12:29:29

I think you're a bit premature in moaning because people haven't thanked you for presents yet. I was away over xmas and thanked the people I saw on Christmas day but haven't got round to phoning / writing to folk I wasn't with yet.
Chill a bit.

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