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Who is BU this mum or me?

(24 Posts)
100ChocolateChicken Sun 28-Dec-14 23:02:41

DD and a few of her friends like to make 'music videos', and are always making them when they're together. They're ages 7 and 8.

One the girls and her mum were in an awful car crash about a month ago - I found out through her husband's facebook. When I found out, I texted her 'hope you're okay', 'get well soon', etc, there were 5 or 6 of these texts and no replies to any of them (the last one was sent 3 days ago), so I assumed she was still in recovery, hence she didn't reply.

DD and her friends (not including the girl who was in the car crash) made another video yesterday. I shared it on facebook, and this morning the girl's mum texted me asking why her daughter hadn't been invited. I replied saying that considering she hadn't replied to any of my texts, and there was nothing on facebook to suggest they were better, I assumed her daughter wouldn't be capable of coming. She replied saying that of course they were fine now, and she understands that the exclusion of her daughter was on purpose, and that she wouldn't be speaking to any of us again due to this bullying. She then blocked us all on facebook. I feel bad for DD and her friends, because they are all such a close group.

The other parents also assumed that they were still injured from the car crash, and don't understand her response either. But should I have texted her again? AIBU to have not checked to see if they were fine now? Or is she BU to have reacted like this?

sooperdooper Sun 28-Dec-14 23:04:28

She's overreacted, did she say why she hadn't replied to your original texts?

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sun 28-Dec-14 23:10:41

Weird behaviour, I feel sorry for her dd though if her mum is going to cut her off from her friends. I would encourage your dd to be as friendly and inclusive as possible to the poor thing once they get back to school

100ChocolateChicken Sun 28-Dec-14 23:18:35

No, she didn't mention the other texts. DD doesn't know about any of this, so she'll likely still treat her friend the same, but I'll make sure she's extra nice.

TyneTeas Sun 28-Dec-14 23:19:43

For me it would probably depend on whether the child has been off school the last few weeks since the crash

Yambabe Sun 28-Dec-14 23:25:45

YANBU re the mum, sounds like she is totally over-reacting and reading things into the situation that just aren't there.

YABVU to be putting your child's "music videos" on fb though!

MrsTawdry Sun 28-Dec-14 23:27:52

I'm just shock that you're putting these videos on social media. If my child was friends with yours I'd have to stop her visiting!

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sun 28-Dec-14 23:28:10

Given that it does sound like a fairly serious car crash it is possible that she herself hasn't fully recovered from it or may be suffering some anxiety or stress following what happened so although the reaction is OTT and bizarre I would gage things a little once the kids go back and be open to the idea of letting her strange behaviour be "forgotten"

Aeroflotgirl Sun 28-Dec-14 23:29:17

The mum is totally being unreasonable, she did not reply to your texts or messages what does she expect. She has cut her nose to spite her face, and is not helping her dd at all, by excluding her from her friends.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sun 28-Dec-14 23:30:08

I would assume the OP has checked with the other parents that this is ok MrsTawdry. Lots of people I know share pictures of their friends kids I would always assume they had permission to do so, I would certainly check before I posted something like that online.

Cantbelievethisishappening Sun 28-Dec-14 23:34:49

She said you were bullying?? Really? Seems every falling out/disagreement/affront is construed as bullying these days.

SorchaN Sun 28-Dec-14 23:36:09

Maybe she isn't actually fully recovered from the car crash, and this behaviour is indicative of PTSD or other emotional fallout. Definitely agree about encouraging your daughter to be as friendly and inclusive as possible.

QTPie Mon 29-Dec-14 02:45:17

I think that the other mum is over-reacting, but it may well be because of trauma/depression/anxiety following the accident.

I would extend the olive branch again (text back). Apologise for any misunderstanding (you had texted before and not got any replies) and say that you will make certain that the daughter is invited to things in future.

It is possible that both the daughter and mum need some real understanding and inclusion.

AlpacaMyBags Mon 29-Dec-14 02:54:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpringBreaker Mon 29-Dec-14 02:55:26

novel idea, but how about calling, rather than texting..

DropYourSword Mon 29-Dec-14 03:13:47

I don't understand this micromanagement of children's friendships.

ProcrastinaRemNunc Mon 29-Dec-14 03:56:27

PTSD and anxiety disorders can certainly make people behave incredibly irrationally. Give her some encouragent if you feel able, op?

musicalendorphins2 Mon 29-Dec-14 04:10:12

I think it is a misunderstanding on both parts, but her reaction makes me think she is not quite recovered as yet. I think if it were me, I would want to speak to her and explain again, how much her daughter is a part of the group of friends, and was only excluded because you all thought she was recovering. Although, since it sounds like nobody actually phoned up the girl or her parents to invite her, I would apologise for assuming.

musicalendorphins2 Mon 29-Dec-14 04:15:46

IMHO she was overreacting btw, but I know myself, and I know I would try and clear it up. If she still is angry after that, not much you can do unfortunately.

scortja Mon 29-Dec-14 10:37:54

Could she have a brain injury?

(Sorry I know that sounds sarcastic but it's not)

Inselaffe Mon 29-Dec-14 11:10:29

OP, I was in a serious car crash 4 months ago. I doubt she and her daughter are okay, purely based on my own experience. A few weeks after we were desperate for things to return to normal even though in hindsight we were still ill, in fact we are all still recovering in various ways. Please do not underestimate how traumatic this has been for her - she may be freaking out (I did - visibly jumped near traffic) or have hit her head and be suffering mood swings/temporary personality change like my DP.

If you can, please ignore her behaviour and be open to resuming the friendship in time. YANBU but she does sound traumatised and acting out of character.

brererabbit Mon 29-Dec-14 11:42:47

What inselaffe said.
They might be ok in the sense they are out of hospital and shock and can continue daily life. But they will not be ok. She will be all over the place and understandably so if she has been through something so traumatic, often people cope for the first few weeks when they really have to and then fall to pieces and she may just need time to heal.
You sound like a lovely person and that neither of you are really being unreasonable. If I were you I'd txt just saying I'm really sorry to have offended you I genuinely was just trying to give you all some space, your dd is welcome whenever, if you ever fancy a cuppa you know where I am. Hope this doesn't affect the girls friendship as nothing was meant by it.
Then you are leaving the ball in her court so she's not pressured to reply but knows you are there.
She will not be emotionally ok and having been through it, it becomes very difficult to cope with the easiest things. I know she's acting strangely but she just needs a friend.

PicaK Mon 29-Dec-14 13:35:21

Another one saying give her a chance and she sounds totally messed up by the accident. Another text making it clear you def didn't leave the dd out but are mortified she thinks you might have done that. Plus add that you were giving them space to recover but with hindsight you should have been in touch more. And a when is dd free? Question at the end. Even if she is just a cow the good karma will pay u back eventually.

greeneggsandjam Mon 29-Dec-14 23:39:40

I like that people are getting on their high horse about whether or not the Op should dare to put videos of the children on Facebook when she came on to ask about something else!

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