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Thinking this is quite bad mannered (children's birthday party)?

(63 Posts)
loveandsmiles Sun 28-Dec-14 21:05:47

First time ever posted - I think the following shows no manners but my DH doesn't see the issue?!

DD3 had her 5th birthday party today (I know, not the best time of year for a party!). Because it's her first year at school she had a big party to celebrate, inviting all her class plus other friends and family. This was at a soft play centre where we hired the venue privately.

Anyway most people responded yes or no with a handful not responding at all, as usually happens. The party started when a dad arrived, opened the door, popped his son in and left, without a word to anyone! The parents hadn't responded to say he was coming but that wouldn't have been a problem as plenty of space and food. I was just surprised that they didn't stay with him or at least say to me they were leaving him. He played away, ate his lunch, won the prize at 'Pass the Parcel', got his party bag, then his dad reappeared and off he went - still without a word.

So basically, his parents dropped him off and got 2 hours childcare, food and drink without so much as a thank yougrin - thank goodness no one else did the same......

Wolfiefan Sun 28-Dec-14 21:09:19

We have a party tomorrow. We have paid per child and a couple of people didn't RSVP rude fuckers
The venue have asked for a list of children attending so if anyone pulls this they won't be let in!!

fredfredgeorgejnr Sun 28-Dec-14 21:10:32

One interpretation... father with quite severe social anxiety is the only one who can drop the kid off, knows how important the party is to the kid, manages to drop him off but can't cope with a room of complete strangers even enough to be minimally polite but tried really hard for the boy. Especially at christmas when the demands to be social are often even higher.

If that is the case, I would expect a thanks email assuming he has your contact details, but either way, assume the most positive, rather than them being an arse - after all you were going to give them the 2 hours childcare anyway right?

CrohnicallyCold Sun 28-Dec-14 21:10:54

YANBU. What if something had happened to him (don't mean anything dramatic, but eg he could have gone to the toilet and locked himself in) and you didn't even know he was there so weren't looking for him? He just assumed there would be enough food/drink to go round, his child could have been left with nothing to eat or drink since he hadn't replied to the invitation. And it would be nice to have a contact number in case of illness/injury/child missing dad.

earplugsahoy Sun 28-Dec-14 21:12:34

Did the child bring a present?

I think it's awfully bad manners

CrohnicallyCold Sun 28-Dec-14 21:12:49

fred in which case he should have replied in advance via reply slip or texting parents if he has heir number, explaining he would need to drop child off (doesn't need to give a reason), leaving contact details and anything important hosts need to know about the child.

tobysmum77 Sun 28-Dec-14 21:13:03

maybe he replied but got the mobile number wrong?

divingoffthebalcony Sun 28-Dec-14 21:15:43

You will get endless people trying to make excuses for the man (I see you have one already) but let's look at the most obvious explanation: that is fucking rude.

WorraLiberty Sun 28-Dec-14 21:16:11

That's really rude

Any why would you drop a child off like that, without leaving a contact number in case something happened?

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 28-Dec-14 21:19:08

best thing to do for parties is give date and time and then say call to confirm venue, then you know if child is coming

agree slightly rude, but maybe he was shy, could be divorced/possibly didnt know who you were if mum normally drops off, tho a thanks at the end of should have happened

CrohnicallyCold Sun 28-Dec-14 21:19:58

Maybe he did get the number wrong- I've done it before (only realised when host texted all non-responders). But a) what are the odds of texting the wrong number and having a legitimate reason to drop and run? And b) if you didn't get a reply to a text like that, wouldn't you follow it up? At the very least I'd give my child a note to give the host with emergency contact details on.

juicycelebrity Sun 28-Dec-14 21:20:24

It is very rude. I don't invite non responders again. (I know there are many on here who will say in punishing the child for parent's rudeness but I don't care).

As someone else posted, what if there had been an accident and you had no way of letting that parent know?

PatriciaHolm Sun 28-Dec-14 21:20:51

He was rude not to reply, or tell you he was leaving the child. However, leaving him at a party at 5 is pretty normal though.

loveandsmiles Sun 28-Dec-14 21:22:05

wolfie I always factor in for a few unexpected extras turning up (from experience!) - although I don't think it's hard to text someone a quick yes or no thank you.

fred didn't think of it from that point of view - children age 4-5 and all parents stayed or had pre-arranged to look after each other's children - little boy was no bother but I don't think he should have just been left - I was conscious of looking out for him to make sure he was ok and I don't even know him well.

He didn't bring a gift but after the mountain of Christmas presents and now birthday presents, this is no bad thinggrin

Storytown Sun 28-Dec-14 21:22:09

I don't think turning up to a 5yo birthday party, expecting to drop and run, thus getting "2 hours childcare" is rude in itself, that's pretty normal. But, I would expect him to say hello, leave a number, make sure DS said thank you and say goodbye.

formerbabe Sun 28-Dec-14 21:26:01

Really rude. I always say hello, ask if it's okay to leave them...give them my number in case there's a problem. On leaving thank them, make sure child thanks them etc etc!

Maybe the father is just really socially inept?

pommedeterre Sun 28-Dec-14 21:26:06

I had people dropping children off at dd1s fourth birthday party. Quick 'I'm leaving her, ok?' and that was it.

I thought it was WEIRD and made the party harder for me.

Now all the five year parties are happening it seems normal. I'm still not leaving her though!

pommedeterre Sun 28-Dec-14 21:26:27

YANBU in conclusion!

tobysmum77 Sun 28-Dec-14 21:27:51

Well I guess if he thought he'd texted that you had his number.

He should have said hello and said something though

espressotogo Sun 28-Dec-14 21:30:28

Whenever our DS (6) goes to a party we have always insisted he thanks the child who invited him and the parents just as he is leaving. He now does it without prompting - it's basic manners - as is responding to invites

However I am constantly amazed at the lack of manners some parents display - yes you with the noisy toddlers who insist on staying throughout the school play so that the rest of us can't even hear the kids on stage speaking sad take them outside ffs if they won't stop screaming !

loveandsmiles Sun 28-Dec-14 21:31:00

I have 5DCs, so lots of party experience smile and at that age I find the majority of parents stay at the party / share childcare with other mums / say hi, leave a number and go. It was the complete lack of any communication that left me a bithmm

clary Sun 28-Dec-14 21:32:25

Odd and rude to say nothing at start or finish.

Not odd to drop and run at 5yo. In fact normal in these parts. But I agree, even a quick "has he been OK? Oh wow, he won PtheP smile" would be the least you could expect at the end.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 28-Dec-14 21:44:53

generally once at school then parents drop and run at parties, esp those at soft play grin its hrs of freedom grin

Wolfiefan Sun 28-Dec-14 21:48:22

I'm not paying over £7 a head for people who can't be arsed to reply!!
I don't have spare party bags.
I sent reminders out FFS! I know it's a busy time of year but DS has a summer party and people do the same then. It is rude!

fredfredgeorgejnr Sun 28-Dec-14 22:16:56

CrohnicallyCold Yes, I don't think it super likely given they didn't RSVP, but the alternative is really rather terrible, and I'm feeling generous of spirit right now and hoping there's a nicer explanation.

Let's imagine the RSVP got lost, or lost in communication within the family.

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