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To think BIL is right and DH is wrong ?

(27 Posts)
MagnificentMalificent Sun 28-Dec-14 20:08:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe Sun 28-Dec-14 20:10:18

I'd leave it be.

sooperdooper Sun 28-Dec-14 20:11:16

If they text daily I think its odd not to have invited your dd to the party

hoobypickypicky Sun 28-Dec-14 20:12:13

You are. The party is likely to be one of limited numbers and DN will probably have been told she can invite, say, 10 people so has chosen her 10 current schoolfriends. Why leave out proper friends for people you don't know, whether you're 5 or 50?

There's never a "should" element to invitations. It's down to the host to invite whoever they like and not down to anyone else to expect an invitation.

Annunziata Sun 28-Dec-14 20:12:28

How can he text his brother daily and their children don't know each other? confused

It is all very odd.

AlpacaStockingOnChristmasEve Sun 28-Dec-14 20:12:37

I would say BIL is well within his rights to not invite family to his event.
Isn't there a saying like 'family are like friends you don't get to choose'...?

MagnificentMalificent Sun 28-Dec-14 20:13:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MagnificentMalificent Sun 28-Dec-14 20:15:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaffledSomeMore Sun 28-Dec-14 20:17:05

I think once children are at school it's usually their friends from school who are invited. Younger children and children who aren't in the school group can feel left out even if they are invited.

AuditAngel Sun 28-Dec-14 20:20:04

My children live within 20 minutes of a number of cousins (10 actually) and the age range is from 12 to 2 months. My older 2 children attend the same school as 2 cousins (open in same year as DS, one in year below DD1).

Obviously we see the cousins St same school daily, we see others a bit less frequently, but are on reasonable terms with them all. However, we often don't invite cousins to birthday parties, partly due to the age ranges, partly because the similar age children are different sexes, and also because at a party of school friends, some cousins can be a bit left out.

We also have notoriously late cousins. I got fed up with paying venues for them to arrive for the last 10 minutes of a party.

RandomMess Sun 28-Dec-14 20:23:48

Yep BIL is right, it's a party for children - for friends, they dds don't know each other so why invite them!

Starlightbright1 Sun 28-Dec-14 20:26:04

I see no reason your children would of been invited. If your DD's had gone they would of been largely ignored.

museumum Sun 28-Dec-14 20:26:25

Bil is dhs brother?
If so, his issue or not, doesn't matter what you think really, if he wants the kind of relationship with his brother where they invite each other's children to their children's birthdays then that's something for the two brothers to sort out between them imo.

Malabrigo Sun 28-Dec-14 20:37:14

Maybe if your DH is bothered then you could suggest that he invites BIL and DN out to a trip somewhere or something that they can do together with DH and your dds. Would be a shame for the dds to lose touch with family just because you don't get on with your SIL.

LIZS Sun 28-Dec-14 20:40:23

Surely they can choose to invite whichever children they choose. Maybe they were all school friends etc. tell dh to leave it .

edwinbear Sun 28-Dec-14 20:41:56

My dsis and I are very close and subsequently, so are the 5 cousins who see each other regularly, but my dc's weren't invited to their oldest's birthday party this year as they had limited numbers and kept it to school friends only. I wasn't at all offended. I don't think mine would have enjoyed a party with school friends they didn't know and whilst we are family, it doesn't mean they should feel obliged to choose over the school pals they see every day.

MagnificentMalificent Sun 28-Dec-14 20:45:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Malabrigo Sun 28-Dec-14 21:08:00

I meant you collectively. Ie. You and your H.

So could he and BIL take the kids for days out perhaps do you think? Would mean the kids got to know each other a bit more and would probably be good for your DH and BIL's relationship too.

MagnificentMalificent Sun 28-Dec-14 21:13:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Malabrigo Sun 28-Dec-14 21:19:28

Don't really understand how your DH can think family is so important that it's worth getting in a snit over a party invite, yet won't make time to actually see family.... Maybe you can put it to him like that?!
Sounds like a shame on all sides tbh.

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 28-Dec-14 21:20:41

OP, how can you say that BIL is not interested, when he texts your DH every day? Does your DH respond to his brother's texts?

littlepeas Sun 28-Dec-14 21:20:57

I think your bil is right. My sil has 2 dds - one 2 years older than my dd and one 2 years younger. Dd was 5 in October and we had a party just for the girls in her class. She is quiet and we wanted to give her an opportunity outside of school to socialise with her classmates - if we had invited her cousins she would have just played with them the whole time. Sil called dh and had a huge go at him about it, but we stand by our decision. I do think that once they start school, birthday parties become far more about school friends.

MagnificentMalificent Sun 28-Dec-14 21:23:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

letsplaynice Sun 28-Dec-14 21:24:32

Work on a family relationship don't destroy the little there is of one for a kids party

SorchaN Sun 28-Dec-14 22:55:36

Saying something won't get anyone anywhere. It's sort of odd that your husband feels his daughters have been slighted when he's not particularly interested in his niece... I think it's better just to let it go.

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