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to wonder why do can't some people say no to dc demands

(71 Posts)
mrsfuzzy Sun 28-Dec-14 18:26:26

i'm not perfect but i rarely gave in to pester power from my dc, it was a case from the cradle 'don't pester, you won't get, throw a tantrum you won't get' ,

when my 6 dc asked, i would buy within reason as long as they were polite and non demanding, we hardly had any tantrums as a result. i just don't get people who keep saying no then give in to appease the dc, it sets a wrong example imo, not saying that all tantruming dc are demanding as there may be unknown medical issues and l do not judge having a special needs ds
what do other mn's think ? ready for a flaming from some people who indulge,but that's another thread.

elQuintoConyo Sun 28-Dec-14 18:28:08

Bored, mate?

eckythumpenallthat Sun 28-Dec-14 18:29:48

yawn biscuit

ElphabaTheGreen Sun 28-Dec-14 18:31:46

<sets watch to time how long it takes for someone to give OP a medal>

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 28-Dec-14 18:33:28

"we hardly had any tantrums as a result". You have no idea if that was the reason. I almost never give in to pestering; she gets a yes at the beginning or an enduring no, she still tantrums. Because she is persistent and loud. So was I. Genetics, innit. Not superior parenting.

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard Sun 28-Dec-14 18:33:49


JavelinArse Sun 28-Dec-14 18:41:51

I work with young children and I also enjoy wonder the same thing OP. Of course it's a terrible idea to say no to a request and to then give in after a bit of nagging/whining/tantruming, it drives me mad when I see parents doing it at work.

That said, I try and be consistent with my kids too but they still whinge, whine and tantrum!

I'm guilty of giving in

DixieNormas Sun 28-Dec-14 18:44:04

Dm never gave in to my tantrums, I still had them. I was bloody awful and quite old by the time I stopped

hazeyjane Sun 28-Dec-14 18:44:10

Bleugh blee blah blah.... you are amazing...well done for wonderful parenting etc etc

mrsfuzzy Sun 28-Dec-14 18:45:31

i'm wondering what thread your reading? perfectly simple question, why do some people give into pester power ? no. elphaba, i don't need a medal, my 2nd husband won one for doing his bit in the falklands,and died as a result. mrs t good for you, but none said anything about superior parenting did they?

JavelinArse Sun 28-Dec-14 18:46:10

Oops *guilty of giving in sometimes though!

Iggly Sun 28-Dec-14 18:47:04

i would buy within reason as long as they were polite and non demanding

So you probably said yes as long as they said please. That's easy for a DC to do and not that hard to do as a parent.

So not sure if you're that amazeballs.

mrsfuzzy Sun 28-Dec-14 18:49:09

thanks javelin you see what i'm saying, all kids try it on of course but why keeping saying 'no you can't have it', then turn round 5 minutes later and give in, then moan because the kid whines for something else ? slug it out among yourselves.

usualsuspect333 Sun 28-Dec-14 18:52:43

I've never turned around to give in. Would make me dizzy all that turning around.

Altinkum1 Sun 28-Dec-14 18:54:59

What? Your post is just idiotic.

Yawn hmm

StarOnTheTree Sun 28-Dec-14 18:55:05

I don't give in and 2 of my DC have been real tantrummers and for much longer than the norm and more severe than you would normally get.

Plus the whinging and whining. But I still don't give in.

My other DC only ever needed to be told no and that would be the end of it or reminded to ask politely for something and she would do that. I think she had 2 tantrums when she was 2 and even they weren't bad.

Snapespotions Sun 28-Dec-14 18:55:20

I do indulge my dd, mainly because she never really pesters me for anything. In fact, she is the least demanding child I know. This is not because of anything I've done - I suspect I might have caved in quite easily to hissy fits, but she has never really had them.

You're kidding yourself if you think that the lack of tantrums is the result of your parenting skills - I reckon that's down to nature not nurture.

VitalStollenFix Sun 28-Dec-14 18:55:59

I assume there are lots of reasons. Some can't be arsed to stay firm, some are at the end of their tether and can't face a battle, some like to take the easy route, some pick their battles, some realise they were unreasonable in the first place and change their minds, etc etc probably hundreds more reasons, they are just the ones off the top of my head.

yes, it's not great, but I've been a parent now for nearly 16 years. I'm fortunate in that saying no no hell no stop asking grin has never been something I've struggled with but I've sure as shit cocked it up in other ways! They don't come with a manual and we all screw up from time to time and do things that when we look back on it, we see were not really in the long term best interests of the child and I just think we should give each other a break, accept that we are all doing the best we can, that we aren't perfect parents and sometimes we think short term rather than long term.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Sun 28-Dec-14 18:57:03

Who are these people who turn round all the time while they're talking? Must make you dizzy.

Ohmygrood Sun 28-Dec-14 18:59:04

Reading the op made me feel a bit dizzy.

mrsfuzzy Sun 28-Dec-14 19:00:07

not bothered if someone thinks this post is idiotic altin, it just possibly hits a raw spot with them, yes, i had moments with the dc but as vital says, you pick you battles, it worked for me.

LePetitMarseillais Sun 28-Dec-14 19:00:13

But op you do give in "I buy within reason"

I have never ever bought anything my dc have asked for.They get "save up" or "ask for it for your bday and we'll see".

Sometimes I have gone back to get something tiny they loved and they've had it later as a special treat or for the hols but sorry buying something because they've asked for it,never.As a result they never really pester.

BalloonSlayer Sun 28-Dec-14 19:01:48

"when my 6 dc asked, i would buy within reason as long as they were polite and non demanding,"

That sounds like letting them have anything and everything they ask for, as long as they do it politely.

Which is why they don't tantrum - because they have been taught to ask nicely and then they get everything they ask for.

Demanding and asking are the same thing you know. The only difference is manners.

You seem to be the sort of person you have started the thread about TBH

Ragwort Sun 28-Dec-14 19:01:51

I tend to agree with Vital - I don't give in to pester power and my DS has very few 'big ticket' items - (he's a teen so I'm thinking Xbox, smartphone, endless PS games, designer clothes etc etc - he either saves his pocket money -which is £10 a month grin - or goes without).

However, I don't think I'm a particularly 'good parent' - I really struggle with being a parent, I look at one of my DNs who has been given every luxury item under the sun, gets her phone upgraded every year etc etc but has found herself a part time job and is headed for straight A*s at GCSE whilst my lazy DS coasts along and will be lucky to end up with half a dozen mediocre grades not that I'm jealous of course.

merlehaggard Sun 28-Dec-14 19:02:12

I think it's largely their nature. My 2 girls never ask for a thing and consider the value of things if told to choose something. My son is different.

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