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To be sad I don't have children yet

(9 Posts)
divingthroughspace Sun 28-Dec-14 16:33:16

I always thought by this age I'd be married with at least one child, and while I've got a bit not loads of time in which to do this, I'm still going to be an "older mum."

Both my parents died young. I wanted to be young(ish) when I had my children.

Pointless post I know I know ... grin but I've been a bit tearful this Christmas with the contrast to how I wanted life to be and how it is.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 28-Dec-14 16:34:37

How old are you OP?

Goingintohibernation Sun 28-Dec-14 16:35:30

Of course YANBU. it is hard when things don't work out how you want them to. I hope you do get what you want this year!

Mrsgrumble Sun 28-Dec-14 16:37:02

Sorry for your loss

Ah I totally understand and have been there regarding children

I was on my own a long time and also on a long term relationship with no commitment.

I think there are positives to being a bit older though. More security, no regrets. I think you need to start living for now though. It was only when I started living to have a bit of fun than worrying all the time about being on my own that I met and married and had children in no time. I look back and ask why did I worry?

divingthroughspace Sun 28-Dec-14 16:39:21

Oh, I know what you mean - I don't normally get to down or despondent about it.

It's meeting old family friends I think as they always ask if I have met someone yet and the answer is always no! And then I end up comparing myself to others who are generally always married with children, and while I know it would be silly to assume that's what you do in your thirties, it is something I really want for me.

Still - I'm 34 next week so I know I do still have a bit of time but not loads and loads of time, really.

Floppityflop Sun 28-Dec-14 16:41:05

YANBU. Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life but it's okay to feel sad sometimes. flowers and brew

What sort of stage are you at, as it were? (Relationship? Would you consider having children without a relationship? Does the way you see your future have to fit into a certain model and have you considered all your options properly? Sometimes, after you have had a little cry it's time to think about what you're going to do about it, to achieve what you want in life.)

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 28-Dec-14 16:44:07

Come on now <offers an arm round your shoulder>, try not to be despondent, I know that's hard but Christmas can make us all feel low for various reasons.

You do have lots of time although I suspect you aren't feeling like that.

2015 will be your year, think positive thoughts, you'll get what you want.

Think big!

Trills Sun 28-Dec-14 16:46:13

So - you know what your life is like.

You know what you want your life to be like.

What are you doing about it?

2015 can be the year that you take control of your life - as much as you can control it anyway.

Even if things don't end up exactly how you expected, you'll feel better for knowing that you'v been taking positive steps.


divingthroughspace Sun 28-Dec-14 16:46:38

Difficult to say, really smile

I think to have a child alone it might be ... I don't know. One of the obvious points is that I would really be alone, as I wouldn't be able to rely on any support from family (obviously since I don't have any!) Furthermore, if something, God forbid, happened to me, my child would then be left alone.

Having said that, if you asked again in 6 years time - it might be something I considered if it really was crunch time. Even then though I am conscious most friends will be going through the sort of stage between seven and eleven - and that in itself isn't a consideration. However, I do frequently feel a bit isolated - looking at Facebook (I know!) I feel very conscious my life is worlds apart from my friends' and acquaintances.

As I've said, this just wouldn't matter if I was happy with things but I suppose I'm not, really.

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