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To keep dwelling on this

(7 Posts)
fullcircleagain Sun 28-Dec-14 12:53:52

It's that time of the year. Off to see the in laws. Got a lovely mil. I used to really get on with my fil. But he is hard work. There is no doubt. He has fallen out with a lot of people. These days he tries to ignore me. He doesn't feel comfortable being in the same room. Says a few pleasantries but that's about it. I try to be nice and initiate conversation but it all feels strained.

However there's one comment I can't forget. My little boy had an accident. He burnt himself. It wasn't too bad. One day my fil came storming past me and spat out 'take care of your kids WOMAN!' and then stormed past. It was a comment that came out of nowhere. And it was said so viciously that I can't get over it. That was about three years ago. AIBU? Should I get over just one comment. And accept that we can co-exist together for the children's sake.

I'm being a bit too sensitive aren't I?

pictish Sun 28-Dec-14 12:58:18

Well...I think it's unresolved for you. If you could go back you would've called him out on it. You would have said "???".

It has festered because he got away with being rude and hateful towards you.

I understand I think...but I think you should draw a line under it, and promise yourself that if ever there was a repeat performance, you will hold your own.

BrowersBlues Sun 28-Dec-14 13:04:41

For your own sake I would forget it. Holding on to it is only damaging you. It was a crap thing to say but that's his issue not yours. I would fake it until you make it and walk in and be as nice as you can. Everyone knows he is unpleasant and you shouldn't let him affect your behaviour.

Your MIL is probably on tenderhooks at social events and would benefit by you being upbeat and chatting away as normal.

fullcircleagain Sun 28-Dec-14 13:58:42

Thanks. I'll carry on as usual. I'll be nice. I always am. My dh really annoyed me the other day by saying he dreads going there as I have real issues and it always feels very tense. But I make so much effort. I buy him beer every time we see him. I bought him some theatre tickets a few months ago. Infact when he said those awful words to him I told him it was totally unacceptable. And then I went out and bought him a gift that very day to try and make up.

Idefix Sun 28-Dec-14 14:10:26

I would stop trying to make it up to him, he sounds like a bully. As others would say enjoy time with mil and focus on her. I would also say that it can sometimes help to see them in public places rather than more private/intimate places. Bullies tend behave better in public...indoor play areas,nt places.
Hope it goes well for you all.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 28-Dec-14 14:24:07

Stop trying to make it up to him, there is nothing to make up for!

Why is your job to take care of your kids and not his son's?

TortoiseInAShell Sun 28-Dec-14 14:55:49

I had a similar PIL situation. My mil said she changed her mind about our wedding and was going to leave me well alone. We had a DC together and I pointed out that we would probably have to see each other for the sake of the grandchildren who love their grandparents. She took that to mean I was threatening to prevent her seeing them and slammed the door in my face as I stood on her doorstep.

The next time she saw me she wasn't friendly but never spoke of it again. Over the years she's melted inch by inch, but sometimes I look at her and remember what she said, and wonder how much she meant it.

I've never asked because she often says she thinks everyone says things they don't mean in the best of the moment and so they shouldn't have to apologise, and I suppose that could be the best admission to guilt that I will ever get.

I view it that she is capable of being mean and saying things she doesn't actual think, and it stops me letting her in fully, but we get on loads better bow, and thats the main thing.

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