We are going to an event in a few weeks and will need a babysitter for DD. DH wants to ask his parents who have never looked after her before and got a bit funny with me when I said I wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea. He accepted it and we haven't exactly had a row or anything but I can tell he feels I'm being unreasonable.
Will try to keep this as brief as possible but need to give a bit of background so as not to drip feed. PIL's have only ever seen DD (13 months) quite sporadically. They live locally but will happily go several weeks without seeing her if we don't make the effort to go to them. When they do visit us they only stay an hour or so, although we've told them many times that they are welcome to stay and spend more time with DD there is always some excuse as to why they have to rush off.
They are quite sweet with her (lots of cooing at her, making silly faces, will read her a story if DH suggests it etc) but not very "hands-on" iyswim. They have never offered to feed her, change her, help with bathing etc. (which is fine, I don't expect them to) and would automatically hand her to me or DH if ever she gets a bit upset. Consequently, DD is a lot closer to my parents as they have been very involved with her from day one, enjoy helping with the practical aspects of childcare as well as the fun stuff and are much more confident and natural in their interactions with her. PIL's are quite jealous of DD's relationship with my parents (the only time they visit is if DH happens to mention that my family have been round) but don't seem to understand that this is because of the time and effort they put in.
MIL is a very anxious person and tends to get stressed out about things that don't phase most people who've had kids. For example, when DD was a few weeks old she spit up the tinyest bit of milky sick on MIL's trousers and you would have thought she was the only baby to ever have been sick judging by her reaction. She practically threw DD back at me and they had to go home immediately so she could get changed . I also know that a couple of years ago when they babysat for SIL and BIL she ended up ringing them after an hour or so to say she couldn't get the baby to stop crying so could they cut their night short and take him home. She takes Valium for her anxiety (I suspect more than is recommeded to be honest as she always seems to be popping them) and sometimes seems a bit 'out of it' to me but DH doesn't really notice it as she's been this way since he was a child. PIL is very old-fashioned and has never changed a nappy in his life ("that's the Mother's job") so I doubt he would be much help. In view of all this, plus the fact that have never actually offered to babysit and DD doesn't really know them that well so I don't feel comfortable asking them
I understand that DH wants them to have more of a relationship with DD and for them to be more involved with her upbringing but that's their choice, surely? DD adores my parents and I think it's hard for DH sometimes to see how indifferent she is to his family in comparison but I'm not convinced that asking PIL's to babysit is in anyone's best interests. I don't think DD will settle because she doesn't know them well enough, I think MIL will be in a complete panic and PIL will sit on his arse and do bugger all to help her. I'd rather ask one of the many friends or relations who have actually offered to look after her and who she feels comfortable with. So, MN jury, am I being unreasonable? Should I just let DH ask them to babysit or do my reasons for saying no seem fair?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To tell DH I don't want PIL's babysitting
26 replies
monkeytroubles · 28/12/2014 09:47
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.