Buying presents for those with more children than you

[metropolis]

Christmas is for giving and not receiving and all that. But does anyone think its slightly unfair when you have to buy Christmas/Birthday presents for family who have more children when they don't give much back for your only child? A few years ago my brother-in-law and his wife decided they no longer wanted to give myself and my partner (his brother) presents, nor receive any as they didn't see the point in it. They have 2 children and we carried on buying their children presents as usual. Years later we had a child. We never used to have a threshold for cost of presents - we just asked what their children wanted and they would tell us. She has since capped a £10 budget on each child. Fair enough I suppose if they have 2 kids and we only have 1. But when they get a present for my DS they spend as close to £10. They never get him anything much more. I think its a little unfair as we end up spending £20 on their kids and they only spend £10 on our DS. Money never used to come into it till she made an issue out of it.

[araiba]

you should go and have 8 more children so they have to spend £90 on your children. that will show them

[milkysmum]

Oh come on really- your child gets a better present just because he has no siblings?

[Topseyt]

Seems fine to me. £10 per child is a fair limit regardless of whether you have one or two.

The line has to be drawn somewhere or it gets ridiculous.

[purplemunkey]

Money never used to come into it till she made an issue out of it.

You're the only one making money an issue here.

[Redglitter]

She's not making an issue. You are. It's fairly common for people to set limits. I've heard lots of people saying £x per child/person. I've NEVER heard anyone say £x per family

[GokTwo]

Sorry, I don't understand your frustration. Surely it would be a bit unfair and silly if your one child had a present that was twice the cost of their cousins' present if that is the rule that has been set?

You can't avoid spending more on other families if yours is small (so is mine, we also have an only child). It has never occurred to me to be annoyed about it!

[wanderingcloud]

Really? I thought they were going to have like 5/6/7 kids, not two to your one!
If a tenner on your neice/nephew is too much why not just by them things that are a fiver? It's not about the money after all.

[metropolis]

Well, when we didn't have a child it didn't stop them asking for this and that for her two kids but as soon as we had one child she put a cap on the cost of presents. Its just tight thats all.

[GokTwo]

But that still (most likely) saves you both money!

[metropolis]

Yes, maybe only for the next couple of years. Her kids are nearly 14. My DS is 4. Lets just say they've had a whole lot of big lego sets over the years which aren't cheap. And this year my DS got a small mini pack.

[GokTwo]

She can't help it that you had your child after hers though can she? Is it at all possible that she suggested the £10 limit to be fairer to you? My SIL occasionally asks what Dd wants. I purposely suggest a general range of things that she'd like ie "anything from paper chase, story CDs etc". I'd never suggest expensive,specific presents so I agree that was unfair in the past.

[Fooshufflewickbannanapants]

We have six children my brother has one, we agreed years ago to get a family present ie board game or the like, works for us xx

[TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle]

I get this from my family as I'm the only one with children and my siblings resent buying them presents because they give more presents than they get.

my single siblings give a present to me, dh, dd1 and dd2 (4) but only get one back from all of us.

my married siblings get one for them and one for their partner.

I can see its unfair. I could get them a present from each of us and I don't. I don't really care if they give the children presents, or any of us in fact, they aren't worth the bitterness.

[NotTheKitchenAgainPlease]

Maybe they can't afford expensive presents.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Oh, FGS.

I have six nieces and nephews and zero kids of my own; I spent $30 per child this Christmas. In return, I got a salt shaker set from my sister/BIL that still had the $2.99 price tag on the bottom, and nothing from my brother/SIL. I couldn't give a toss, really. (If it matters, I am by far the least wealthy of us all.)

It's impossible for everything to be kept 'equal' as the years go on. Family sizes and financial circumstances change. Just let it go and enjoy getting what people are happy to give. I'm sure your child hasn't done the maths and doesn't feel ripped off, and that's what counts.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Teenage - yep, exactly. It's 'unfair', technically, but so what? I would be astonished if my sister and brother thought I expected an equal number of presents back. I'm only one person, and their families are 5 people - that's why they get more.

[KoalaDownUnder]

(Oh, and I'm an adult and their kids are, well, kids - important point )

[itispersonal]

I understand you're frustration as I had been thinking the same with my dp nieces and my friend who both have 2 children to our one dd. But over time it will even it's self out if you have more children etc.

[GokTwo]

I have never ever considered the present to others/presents to me ratio! I'm really surprised that this is something people get worked up about!

[LaRaclette]

I can't believe you begrudge £10 to your nephew or niece. Perhaps Marley can arrange for some spirits to visit you, as you make Ebenezer Scrooge sound generous!

[Darkandstormynight]

I have one child and my friend has two, I buy them both gifts. She had a friend that has three children, she buys all three of them gifts. Problem is her friend buys birthday gifts for not just birthday child but their siblings too (equal value, not a token gift). So my friend then feels obligated to buy three gifts whenever one of her friends' three children has a birthday!

Moral of the story, I think you are getting out bloody cheap!

[metropolis]

Not the Kitchen - No, they're comfortable they have bought a detached house. We rent a council flat.

[metropolis]

LaRaclette. I am not begrudging £10 to my bf's brothers kids. You read it completely wrong. They put a cap on £10 presents for their own kids. Before they did that we were buying them expensive lego sets with no limit on cost. What they had asked for actually. Don't go accusing me of being scrooge when its the other person.

[metropolis]

I rarely post on here. I was feeling really down anyway and just wanted to hear peoples consensus. I can't have anymore kids. I just wanted to chat, to get something off my chest and I'm feeling a lot of hate towards me. I'm getting this thread removed now.