Misunderstood approaches(7 Posts)
I have recently became a parent for the first time and have a 2 month old son. I am coming here to look for advice or similar experiences of what I have been experiencing.
My wife and I always enjoyed a good sex life, but were never at it like bunnies prior to trying for our son. But enjoyed intimate things such as cuddling and kissing.
Since our child is born my wife no longer wishes to cuddle or even a kiss in the morning as I leave for work. Every slight advance in terms of a cuddle or any slight contact is being misconstrude as I am angling for sex/sexual activity. I haven't asked or even implied that is what I am after. I am starting to feel as if I am some sort of pervert attempting to gain some affection and being rebuffed.
I am not here looking for sympathy or do I want to come off as insensitive to the fact that my wife gave birth to our child 2 months ago. I understand she is tired and looking after our son is hard work. I do just as much when I am not working and I try to make things as easy as possible when I am home.
I just want to gain some closeness back to my wife which I feel has been lost somewhere along the line.
Am i being in unreasonable to want to have some intimacy with my wife this soon?
2 months is hardly any time at all. She has spent 9 mo incubating and growing another human, then birthing it. (and was that straight-forward?)
Then she spends all day/most of night carrying it around, feeding it, pacifying it etc, she probably looks forward to some non-contact time tbh.
It's not unreasonable to want intimacy, but YmayBU to expect it. It really depends on how she's feeling, and only she knows that.
First, the idea of sex can be scary after childbirth especially if she has suffered from a birth injury or is worried about getting pregnant again.
Second, caring for a small baby us intensely physical and some women find it hard to lose all their personal space to their baby, which can make it hard to have to share your few precious moments of being physically alone with another demanding individual.
You are not unreasonable to want intamcy, but your wife is not unreasonable if she doesn't feel ready yet. Respect her wishes, continue to be affectionate and supportive, give her time to herself while you care for the baby. Things will come right in the end.
Babies touch you constantly and always want something from you (especially if breastfeeding) sometimes having anyone else join in is too much.
Give her some time, tell her you love her. If you need to then talk to her about it and tell her you feel you need a little reassurance but don't blame her. 2 months is a very short amount of time and she'll still be recovering and adjusting.
Read 'Life After Birth' by Kate Figes - it might help you understand how a lot of women feel at this stage.
Talk to her and explain how your feeling. I always assume DH wants more if he cuddles or kisses me, so maybe letting her know you're happy to just hold hands or cuddle will be enough for her to relax. It's probably mainly due to a newborn being all consuming (emotionally not just in the work department), but don't worry, this doesn't last forever.
Have you actually spoken to her about this? Asked her if she's okay, what you can do or what she needs or would like?
Two months is a very short time, she may be knackered or needing a break. She may be worried she'll 'lead you on' or rather be accused of it if she reciprocates. My sister was worried about that, mainly because her H was a complete wanker, but any time she kissed back he started the grope - after only two weeks in his case! and then made her feel guilty. It's possible that, even if you haven't pushed for more, she's worried you will. When, without a baby, I went through a very dry patch with my DH he knew how frustrated I was and how I jumped for any affection which actually made things worse because he was careful not to give 'too much' in case I got the wrong idea.
Join the discussion
Please login first.