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Friends comment about Eastern Europeans...

(15 Posts)
Nancery Sat 27-Dec-14 22:01:04

You know when you go through a conversation in your head a few hours later, and think of how it could have progressed, well I'm doing that now.

At some good friends today, afternoon cup of tea with assorted DCs, the DW made a comment about how 'Half the kids in my school have parents from the Czech Republic and absolutely none of them work, all of them are here on benefits.' 'They also breed like rabbits' was also mentioned. She also mentioned how a mutual friend of ours had 'bristled' when she said this 'fact, not opinion' a few weeks back. I was rather taken aback by this statement, and it also wasn't the right time or place to have a lively discussion on the matter, so I instead said that I was 'with R (the mutual friend) on this' and then followed an awkward silence... DW is lovely but, erm, often says things that make me realise we can be worlds apart. We have incredibly different outlooks and backgrounds (I realise this Is incredibly snobby, but she's never moved far from the postcode she was born in, very conventional etc) but generally get on well (it's her DH who I have known the longest) and I didn't want it to mushroom into an argument about lots of other things including her apparent ignorance on all the terrible benefit scrounging immigrants.

What would you have done? (Am on MN fighting the urge to send her lots of links!) Am now having conversations in my head!

CalleighDoodle Sat 27-Dec-14 22:03:41

Whats a DW?

GazpachoSoup Sat 27-Dec-14 22:05:43

DW? Your wife? Or your friend as stated in the title?

WorraLiberty Sat 27-Dec-14 22:06:54

I would have discussed it with her at the time, or if it wasn't appropriate/possible I wouldn't have given it much thought afterwards.

Loads and loads of these threads where the OP is not being unreasonable in the slightest, just that they didn't/couldn't discuss it with the person in question.

Mydelilah Sat 27-Dec-14 22:07:47

I read 'the DW' to mean the wife in the other couple. Weird choice of words though...

Nancery Sat 27-Dec-14 22:07:47

Siery, yes DW is my friends DW - bit pissed, sorry! blush

Nancery Sat 27-Dec-14 22:08:37

SORRY not Siery! Not that pissed, it's bloody spellcheck!

Backtobedlam Sat 27-Dec-14 22:09:23

I guess by saying you agreed with the other friend you were making your views clear, so she knew you didn't think the same. If it wasn't possible to get into a lengthy conversation there's little else you could say. I think it would be odd to bring it up with her at a later date though, maybe having 2 friends disagree with her will make her re-think what she's said.

Laquitar Sat 27-Dec-14 22:13:52

I don't blame you for not saying much. In the end of the day it is not like she is going to change her mind.

But i would distance myself in the future because i can not be frie nds with someone who has ideas like this.
My brother's wife says gems like this and i can not cut her off my life but if is a non family member i just cut them off.

Nancery Sat 27-Dec-14 22:15:29

Thanks. I hope you're right! She's not normally like this, I was quite taken aback. If it was in the pub / just adults I would have discussed it further but it wasn't appropriate at the time. She looked very surprised at me though. I find attitudes like that very frustrating which is probably why I am replaying it in my head!

GazpachoSoup Sat 27-Dec-14 22:26:01

Ah, OK, I see. I don't think there's much you could have done and said. As you say, it wasn't the time or the place to get into a discussion about it.
You said you agreed with the other friend, R, about it. That's all you needed to do. Put your viewpoint across.
I think all you can do if you disagree with her views and don't feel able to be friends with her due to them is distance yourself from her.
She's entitled to her opinion, as are you. You put your point across. Now disengage if that's what you want.

sanfairyanne Sat 27-Dec-14 22:50:34

'breed like rabbits' is a bit shock
but the jobless thing could easily be fact, depending on where she lives

Nancery Sat 27-Dec-14 23:05:47

Ignoring the rabbit comment, I've read that it's not that easy to simply claim benefits. It can take a few months to come through, then can be stopped if not working after six months unless there's a proper reason.

Shattered2014 Sat 27-Dec-14 23:08:19

I'm always astounded when I read comments suggesting that people are could be unable to be friends any longer as they have discovered something they do not agree on! For christ's sake why not just avoid the subject in future or tell her you'll have to agree to disagree. To keep stressing and "hand wringing" is ridiculous.

Nancery Sat 27-Dec-14 23:11:13

I'm not hand wringing, I am simply replaying it in my head. Hope that makes sense! Writing a post on MN is a good vent too

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