to be upset at no Xmas present from DH

[clementine63]

NC for this. Ok so are not the kind of people who are always giving each other presents, we are more the "do things for each" other kind of people. But DH has always before given me something at Xmas. This year I just got...nothing.

Now we are in a cashflow situation which means that although we are financially fine in the longer term we don't have a lot of spare cash right now. Neither of us would want expensive presents at the moment, sorting out the finances is a far more important thing for us, and expensive presents would probably just make us feel oh what a waste of money. But I did at least get him something to open on Xmas day. He got me nothing and didn't even mention it. Now, he did much of the cooking, he cleaned up plenty, he entertained etc etc. But is it too much to ask that i had just a tiny present to open? Even a joke one? And in fact I mentioned to him a few weeks ago that I needed a new pair of slippers. the same time that he mentioned to me he needed a new belt. He got a new belt from me. I got nothing.

[MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat]

Depends on whether you want to fall out with him. He sounds a good egg, just thoughtless not to buy you a little something. I think I would be getting my coat on and saying,' tie for us to go and get my Christmas present now. I don't mind that you waited for the sales so I could have something even nicer.'

Or, you could LTB

[Birdsgottafly]

If you want something to open, tell him.

I don't care about presents and don't do cards, at all.

My ex, loved getting cards, for all occasions, he made it clear the first year I didn't get him one, that he was upset, so I didn't make that mistake again.

[VitalStollenFix]

Tell him how you feel. I'm sure he was being sensible and perhaps felt quite bad when he realised you'd got him something. So just tell him that it really wasn't about the value but the thought.

[YellowTulips]

I think it's pretty shitty tbh.

I'd be pissed off - it's not the money it's the lack of thought. A nicely wrapped bottle of bubble bath isn't expensive for example.

About 12 years ago me and my ex BF hosted Xmas for his family.

I cooked and catered for 12 and spent a small fortune on food and decorating the house.

When it came to opening presents BF had bought expensive gifts for his family. Then as he handed out the last present he said "oh shit - I forgot to get anything for you Yellow - never mind I'll get something in the sales".

To say I was furious was an understatement and then had to spend the rest of the day with a fake "happy face" cooking Xmas dinner and making sure he and his family had a lovely day.

It wasn't the money - it was the thoughtlessness that got to me, especially given I had spent days and days making the day special for him and his family.

However, that's part of why the bugger is an ex and I now have a DH who is lovely

[clementine63]

Oh he is indeed a good egg (if a little grumpy at times), and there is no question of LTB! Perhaps he does in fact feel bad that I got him something. I had not really thought of that. It is the case that we didn't get each other birthday presents this year (but that was agreed in advance) so maybe he just didn't think Xmas present was necessary either. And indeed they are not. We don't do cards or anniversary flowers or mothers or fathers day or any stuff like that. We'd rather mutually buy ourseves a good bottle of wine when we feel like it, or save up for a good dinner out together, rather than do those kind of things. So I suppose he just didn't think of it.

But as he has always before given me a present on Xmas (some really great ones too) I was just rather surprised. And I thought he had taken on board my pointed comment abut needing slippers!

[clementine63]

TBH thinking about it now and reading what people have written, I think IABU! So question answered. And when I have finished working, which is what i am doing now, shall be nice and not nasty to him.

[ImperialBlether]

But you're not being unreasonable. If he's always bought you a present then why couldn't he just query with you whether you were exchanging gifts this year? To unilaterally decide not to buy something is wrong. What did he say when you gave him his present? I would be very hurt if someone changed the rules like that without an explanation or an apology.

[clementine63]

I bit the bullet and just mentioned it to him. He was hurt and reminded me that he bought two bottles of (real) champagne, which he gave me on Xmas Eve. And so he did. And I love champagne, and we have drunk it as part of the festivities. But it wasn't personal, or to open on Xmas morning, so i ddn't think of it in the same way...Still, I am over it now.

[ImperialBlether]

Did he drink it, too?

[clementine63]

No he doesn't like champagne. But my daughter did, she likes it as much as I do! It seems all sorted out now though. I think I was making a bit of a storm in a teacup, possibly because i have been quite ill over the past few days and so am feeling a bit sorry for myself!

[clementine63]

I am still short a pair of slippers though!