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To expect a thank you?

(31 Posts)
Sn00p4d Sat 27-Dec-14 14:19:43

In the interests of full disclosure I'm 8 months pregnant and could quite possible be being a hormonal mess, it's not uncommon so entirely prepared to hear that iabu but...

I work in a place where I have a "team" of sorts, 4 people who work with me in close quarters, it's not an easy job and I'm not their manager, we have one of those!

I've had a very difficult pregnancy and they've been great, some more than others but they've all been accepting that I can't do parts of my role as well as I could pre pregnancy. I've been off work for the past six weeks due to complications and won't be returning to work before my mat leave as I'm too "high risk" now, so I popped in before Christmas with some presents for them, spent about £20 on each of them which is substantial for me as I don't have a lot of spare cash but I dont grudge it.

I haven't had a thanks/merry Christmas/acknowledgement from any one of them and I'm a bit miffed. I put a lot of though into the gifts and know they got them, haven't even had a fb message or anything and I'm a bit put out.

So am I being irrational and unreasonable given that they work really hard and it was as much a token of my appreciation as anything else? hit me with it fgrin

NoImSpartacus Sat 27-Dec-14 14:24:13

YANBU ! Your colleagues are rude and ungrateful.

But you can't control others' twattish behaviour so just put it out of your mind and enjoy looking forward to enjoying your baby. And buy them fuck all next year grin

FoodieToo Sat 27-Dec-14 14:38:33

Give them a chance, you may still hear from them. Most people were so busy in the run up to Christmas ,they may have just forgotten .

Otherwise,yes it's very rude and don't bother getting them anything next year!

MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat Sat 27-Dec-14 14:55:44

Very rude indeed but also quite unusual IME to buy for colleagues in this way. Surely most work environments have something like a secret Santa to avoid all this expense?

Hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. and they buy you a lovely gift smile

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles Sat 27-Dec-14 15:01:02

Did they say thank you when they received them in person? They may think this is enough.

SenecaFalls Sat 27-Dec-14 15:07:58

Did they thank you in person? If so, then I don't think they are being rude.

SantasBassoon Sat 27-Dec-14 15:13:53

If they don't routinely contact you out of work, they may be waiting to see you again to thank you.

rainyevening Sat 27-Dec-14 15:16:49

I want to be really delicate when I say this and I don't mean to offend you - if you've got off on mat leave early, there's every chance they've picked up your work and are pretty knackered and busy. Everyone I know in the 'modern workplace' was pretty much on their knees in the run up to Christmas and I'm sure the same goes for them. So they've probably been resting, relaxing and recovering with their friends and family and will get around to saying thank you when they can.

rainyevening Sat 27-Dec-14 15:17:10

~gone off, sorry.

mrsfarquhar Sat 27-Dec-14 15:17:56

Did they thank you in person, or did you just leave them at the office for them?

If they thanked you in person I think that's enough, if you didn't hand them over personally its very rude not to text, facebook whatever.

However, do you always buy gifts for each other? Perhaps given all the stress surrounding your pregnancy you have invested more than you normally would have both emotionally and financially and they aren't really on the same page.

AuditAngel Sat 27-Dec-14 15:36:54

Also, they may not want to bother you whilst on leave. I suffered complications in my last 2 pregnancies resulting in admissions to hospital and found my colleagues wanted to protect me from stress and bother. They had the best intentions.

Sn00p4d Sat 27-Dec-14 15:39:33

rainy I know, that's sort of why I got them the presents in the first place and why I'm prepared to be told iabu.
I didn't see them in person as I'm 'banned' from the workplace so had to send them in with a third party iyswim but I know they got to the right people.
We are in contact out of work usually and I'm unlikely to see them in person again for a good few months.
I know I'm more than likely being over sensitive due to the fact I have absolutely nothing else to occupy me at the moment, I sometimes forget everyone else's lives are still going on as normal so needed a bit of perspective fblush

MistAndAWeepingRain Sat 27-Dec-14 15:43:23

Did they say thank you when you dropped them off? If so, I don't think you can reasonably expect them to say thank you again via text message or mail.

If they weren't there or didn't say thank you when you dropped them off then I think a text or thank you card could reasonably be expected. But if it's the latter you might not see it for a good week or so yet. It's only the day after Boxing Day! Most people wait a bit before writing thank you cards.

Calm down a bit and don't write your colleagues off as rude twats just yet.

Feellikescrooge Sat 27-Dec-14 15:46:47

Tbh I have just written my thank yous which I will post on Monday. I would give them time. Even if I am given gifts before Christmas I don't open until Christmas Day and try to personalise my thank you notes so send them after.

Starlightbright1 Sat 27-Dec-14 15:50:45

I don't think you are BU to expect a Thank you but this may not happen on your timescale.

I have Thank you's to send. Some I will thank personally when I see. Some require something for formal than a text or a fb message .

SpringBreaker Sat 27-Dec-14 16:04:46

You say you popped in, but in another post say the gifts were delivered by a third party. If you normally have contact with them out of work, I would text them and just say you hoped they had a nice xmas and ask if they did get the gift.

TooHasty Sat 27-Dec-14 17:52:09

It's only the 27th!!.I wouldn't be expecting any thank yous yet!! Most people surely wouldn't open the present til xmas?

BackforGood Sat 27-Dec-14 17:59:16

Surely most people wouldn't have opened them until Christmas - it's only 27th now!
I too think it's a bit strange for a colleague to spend �20 on gifts for all the team - maybe they are a bit embarrassed by it ? Do you not have some kind of Secret Santa in place?

dorasee Sat 27-Dec-14 18:02:58

I can see your point OP. But Christmas is one of those times when people are fairly stretched to the max. Still if you never get a thanks, that is super lame. Give them a chance.

GingerbreadPudding Sat 27-Dec-14 18:11:52

This could have been written by me! I'm also pregnant and have also been signed off work for five weeks. I made gifts and bought presents for about twenty people where I work and arranged for them to arrive during the last week of term (I work in a school). About one third of the people have texted to say thank you and the others just haven't bothered. Some of these gifts were personalised and others handmade. I'm really disappointed that my efforts weren't even acknowledged.

Ragwort Sat 27-Dec-14 18:28:20

I made gifts and bought presents for about twenty people - surely that is a bit OTT - I would be incredibly embarrassed if a colleague (who had been off work for 5 weeks) gave out 20 presents shock. Don't most people just share a box of quality street or something confused.

NoImSpartacus Sat 27-Dec-14 18:46:10

What's all this nonsense about being 'embarrassed' when someone behaves kindly towards you. So British!

Why don't you try humble and grateful, see how that goes? hmm

Ragwort Sat 27-Dec-14 18:58:41

I think it can be embarrassing and in some cases, inappropriate, to receive gifts - maybe it is a British thing, hadn't thought of it that way blush but I was embarrassed this week when someone who volunteers at a project with me bought me an expensive gift, I know it is well beyond his budget because he regularly uses the food bank where I hand out food to him confused.

NoImSpartacus Sat 27-Dec-14 19:09:33

But why be embarrassed? If someone does something kind for you, the appropriate way to behave is with grace. Being embarrassed only serves to make the gift giver embarrassed, which is surely the last thing they imagined feeling when they decided to do something sweet like giving someone a gift.

It's actually really patronising to be embarrassed when someone does something thoughtful for you.

addictedtosugar Sat 27-Dec-14 19:23:18

I might not have opened the present til Thurs if I assumed it was a christmas present.
And no, I've not got round to writing my thank-you letters yet.
Give them a chance. You might well get something over the next few days.

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