over DNephew birthday

[Anydrinkwilldo]

It's dh's dnephew birthday today, he's 12. I've been waiting for any sort of communication from sil to say 'this is what we're doing for the birthday at time 1 2 3'. No message came - assumed she was doing something like cinema etc with his friends and not asking my 2 ds (that's fine they're nearly 3 and 1 so big age gap). Commented on her face book post earlier happy birthday to dnephew hope it's a good day and got the reply - thanks see you later for the party. Now I have plans made since October but dh made plans in the last few days and ds's are going to stay with my parents which is an hour away from Where the party would be. I asked dh had he heard anything about said party- no. I had no communication about it either. Aibu to think you don't assume that people know a party is happening on a day especially over Christmas and to have made plans. I'm in 2 minds whether to just cancel my long standing plans and bring the boys to the party.

Not to drip feed sil has form for this type of thing. She phones in the morning asking if she can take the boys out and is thick if we already have plans made and won't cancel them (last Christmas she wanted to take my ds1 who was only 21 months to the cinema. Rang the day of one of my best friends weddings and left 4 missed calls on my phone. I left the church thinking someone was dead and she said she wanted to bring ds to cinema. She hung up on me when I told her we had already organised childcare for the day for ds - obviously as we were AT the wedding at that point)
Another important thing is that she spent the last month not talking to any of her family, me included.

So aibu

[DoubleValiumLattePlease]

YANBU. Why on earth would you want to go to a party at the house of someone who doesn't talk to you?

[flashnorman]

No yanbu & you should not cancel your plans. Get your DH to call her & tell her that since she didn't communicate the fact there was a party & you already have something else on then you won't be able to make it. If she has form for this sort of thing then she probably thrives on having others do what she wants when she wants. But since it's his sister he should be the one to deal with it not you. Enjoy your evening

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

Can't you just ask her what time you should go?!

[Floggingmolly]

Why do you want to go to a 12 year old's party? It'll be for his friends, surely??

[MangoBiscuit]

Just message straight back asking what party? When she gives details, say "Oh no, sorry, we already have plans. I wish you'd mentioned it sooner, such a shame. Oh well, hope DN has a lovely time."

[Happy36]

Just drop in the present before, during or after your sons are at their grandparents and wish your nephew a happy birthday in person.

[Whippet81]

I have this with DP's family. Get three hours notice that there's a get together or party etc and then you're a bastard if you don't drop everything and go.

[Anydrinkwilldo]

Thanks for replies. Dh text to ask if there was a party and she said 6.30 (which is a bit late for a 3 and 1 year old anyway grrrrr). He said we already have plans made at this stage but he'll call up again. Ds1 and dnephew get on very well, ds1 follows him around and they love to play so I'd only go for that reason. Wouldn't bother me not to see or talk to sil from now to this day next year

[WorraLiberty]

I'd give it a miss really

No matter how much your nephew loves his cousin, is he really going to want a 3yr old at his party?

[Fanfeckintastic]

Would a twelve year old really want such young children at his party though? Maybe that's why she left it so late, so as not to offend?

[Allingoodfaith]

Honestly don't know what the fuss is.

I would have replied "had no idea there was a party. No one said anything to us. We already have Long standing plans.

Don't get your knickers in a twist over it.

[CelesteToTheDance]

If she wanted you at the party she would have made sure to tell you beforehand. Don't cancel your plans.