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To ask them not to get us any presents any more

(37 Posts)
Veetvoojagig Sat 27-Dec-14 09:02:03

I don't want any presents from my parents any more. They always make some mistake that means I don't want it. This year has been a classic. They ordered a Christmas hamper for me but didn't tell me that they had ordered one or mention that I should expect a delivery. My sister came over at the weekend and said that my present from mum and dad was being delivered. Nothing came. I called mum on Xmas day and then I found out that my present was delivered two weeks ago It didn't arrive and no card had been put through the door. They spent all yesterday working out what had happened and it turns out they sent it to the wrong address. So someone at an address Iived in 5 years ago received a Christmas hamper intended for me. Today I'll get to find out if the new tenant has eaten my present (they've had it for weeks now without anyone claiming it, so I wouldn't blame them). This isn't the first time they've miscommunicated presents. They've forgotten presents, sent things that we already had better quality ones of, sent more than one of the same thing and bought something that wasn't what they thought it was. They are getting too old now and to he honest I wish that they didn't bother. We've asked them to spend their money on the children (although they've had problems understanding what is age appropriate in the past) but they still want to give me something because I am the only child they have who doesn't live near them. Dsis and Db still rely on them for money loans and childcare so they try to make my presents more special to be fair to all their children. Dsis and DB get DVD boxsets - I don't watch much telly but they do. AIBU to tell them we don't want anything from them? I know it sounds ungrateful but their efforts just create more hassle.

Rosa Sat 27-Dec-14 09:05:06

There was a post on here from someone who was sent a hamper with no card think it was a waitrose one ...maybe it was yours.?

Sheitgeist Sat 27-Dec-14 09:07:31

YABU - they're your parents, they're trying to do nice things for you but clearly are getting a little confused in their older age.

Don't throw it back in their face with ingratitude.

wowfudge Sat 27-Dec-14 09:08:17

The whole tone of your post in ungrateful: 'they always make some mistake which means I don't want it'. Lovely.

It does sound as though they have got confused and perhaps need protecting from wasting their money on someone who can't see they tried to be thoughtful

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Sat 27-Dec-14 09:09:22

It sounds like they want to give you a nice gift - I think the compromise is to let them, but guide them.
Say if they're thinking about Xmas presents you'd love a [thing] and either send them a link to someplace to order it from, or say a cheque towards some household expense would be nice? Like a new tv or something.

Iggly Sat 27-Dec-14 09:09:56

You do sound ungrateful! They're trying bless them.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 27-Dec-14 09:10:22

Yabvu it was a genuine mistake which wasent your parents fault.

oddsocksmostly Sat 27-Dec-14 09:10:27

Or suggest they get a charity goat?

FannyFifer Sat 27-Dec-14 09:10:35

Have you never heard the expression "it's the thought that counts".

Aeroflotgirl Sat 27-Dec-14 09:11:37

You sound like a spoiled child, some people on here would bend over for parents like your. Acceot their presents with good grace.

RedButtonhole Sat 27-Dec-14 09:13:02

It doesn't sound at all like they are intentionally thoughtless, you sound ungrateful to be honest.

It is a shame for them to waste money on things you don't want or appreciate though, isthere any way they would just give you some vouchers in the future? I wouldn't tell them not to botger any more, I think that would hurt their feelings as they seem to want to make an effort.

AlpacaYourThings Sat 27-Dec-14 09:13:37

I don't know if you mean to, OP but you are coming across as being very ungrateful in your post. It's not a very nice thread...

RhubarbAndMustard Sat 27-Dec-14 09:14:03

You sound very ungrateful OP. I feel sorry for your poor parents who are trying their best to please you. I don't think you deserve their kindness.

TallulahTwinkletoes Sat 27-Dec-14 09:27:03

The first few lines, I thought what an ungrateful bitch but after reading that they sent the Hamper to a house you lived at five years ago, I found it hilarious because I absolutely understand.

I'd send them a clear concise list of things you'd like. It sounds like they really want to please, bless them.

magpieginglebells Sat 27-Dec-14 09:33:34

Oh ffs they tried didn't they? Stop acting like a brat.

Veetvoojagig Sat 27-Dec-14 09:34:20

I know I am ungrateful but really, I don't want them to bother. I am lucky to live comfortably - I don't need them to try to make big gestures. If I want something, I buy it. I have savings. I've asked for small things in the past but they tagged on a whole load of stuff I don't need. I have unopened gifts in the loft that i should sell or donate and I'm torn about giving them away. My parents are not well off and pretty much house bound. DB is talking to SS about getting 24 care for them but that would mean they will be split up. I would rather that they worry about themselves than trying to cater for me. I am frustrated that they try to make things so complicated when I'd be happier with something easier for them.

AwkwardSquad Sat 27-Dec-14 09:39:35

Not directly relevant to the thread but there is no reason that they should be split up if they need more care. Look into extra care housing - schemes run by housing associations in partnership with local authority social services, not private schemes. Try your parents' LA website and see what they have.

wowfudge Sat 27-Dec-14 09:40:28

The issue is that you didn't mention any of that in your OP and just went on about how terrible their presents are. Give the stuff you don't want to charity or eBay it and use the money towards your parents' care.

In fact, if you are so well off perhaps it's pay back time and you could help with funding care and support in their own home so that your parents are not split up?

You don't sound as though you actually care about them very much.

defineme Sat 27-Dec-14 09:41:51

I think you sound worried and frustrated by thethought of your parents future. The presents aren't really a big deal. Just say you think xmas should be abiut kids and please don't bother with a present? Give the unopened gifts to charity as they're no good to anyone in the loft.

FannyFifer Sat 27-Dec-14 09:43:02

See if you had written a heading like worried about my confused parents it would have been more accurate.

TheCheeseBoardStinks Sat 27-Dec-14 09:43:49

You don't sound ungratful to me, just fed up with it all.

I would tell them to leave it now, if they keep doing what they did this Christmas. It is just making everyone feel bad. except the people who end up with free hampers

Veetvoojagig Sat 27-Dec-14 09:44:16

They already have house calls. LA care is woefully inadequate for them now but that's another issue.

MaryWestmacott Sat 27-Dec-14 09:50:30

How about next year, around October, you say to your mum that you never get flowers delivered, and you'd just like a nice bunch of flowers delivered between Christmas and New Year, but not too big as you don't have lots of vases or places to put flowers. Just a nice normal sized bunch would do.

Get your Dsis to help organise this, so they don't spend too much, and she can make sure it goes to the right address and make sure you are in.

Unopened gifts, get to charity shop in the new year, life is too short and someone else will use it.

Cathycat Sat 27-Dec-14 09:51:34

Veet, my mum and dad worry awfully about presents. I happen to like a range of toiletries from M&S. I now ask for this each year and really show my appreciation for this. And genuinely, I am pleased. It also has the main benefit of calming them down. The only decision they have to make is choosing within the range.

Inkspellme Sat 27-Dec-14 09:54:50

if you don't need or want the hamper - leave it where it is. maybe drop a card to the address to say a delivery was made but not to worry we assume it's eaten by now.

You do sound ungrateful tbh. just accept gracefully whatever present turns up in the future. Ebay it if you want and put the money back into some treat delivered to your housebound parents such as a tesco food delivery. but take the present with grace and good manners. your parents are getting older and need as little stress as possible and them thinking they are still managing to do stuff like gifts for family maybe something they enjoy. On the other hand if they are not enjoying organising presents why not take it over for them. then you can choose something small from them you actually want or tell them they got you whatever (even if they didn't) and how pleased you are with it.

Basically, I suppose I am saying that you need to change your perspective on this or change the way it's done. one or the other.

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