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Dog and toddler at family at family gathering.

(36 Posts)
Stripylikeatiger Sat 27-Dec-14 06:50:34

Dp's cousin has a dog, it's a German Shepard puppy (8 months old so a big but still with the energy of a puppy) they have recently got this dog and it was badly treated at it's previous home.

We have a toddler who doesn't (well didn't) dislike dogs but he's not the sort of child who wants to go and stroke dogs he's happy to look at dogs from a distance.

We arrived at a relatives house yesterday (a mutual relative to both dp and his cousin) and the dog came running up to ds and licked his face, ds was terrified whilst the cousin said oh he just wants to be friends.

For the rest of the day whenever ds got down from his chair the dog came over to him and ds became upset, the dog even put his nose up between ds's legs to try to steal his food whilst he was sat up to the table eating.

Ds spent the afternoon clinging to me terrified of the dog, I tried to explain the dog was friendly but ds wanting nothing to do with the dog.

Aibu to think that if you have a boisterous dog that is speaking the attention of a scared child you keep the dog away? I was also a bit concerned that the dog's behavior could be unpredictable due to the neglect it had suffered in it's first home and also it's young age and I don't think I'd want ds to play with it even if he was not terrified.

I didn't say anything to the cousin as him and his wife have just had their 4th failed IVF and we have our toddler and a newborn and I know how hard dealing with infertility is so I didn't want to make them feel worse. We just cut the visit short and went home.

Chottie Sat 27-Dec-14 06:56:16

This is just awful, you ANBU at all. I would not be allowing my DC anywhere near a rehomed puppy either. It must have been a nightmare visit for you trying to monitor the dog, manage your toddler and deal with a new born.

I would have gone home early too.

kilmuir Sat 27-Dec-14 07:04:00

You are being hysterical. Dogs do sniff and lick. Why on earth are you reinforcing the idea that all dogs ares scarey.
You could have spent timewith dog and owner, children are not that interesting to dogs, was only interested in his food!

Iggly Sat 27-Dec-14 07:07:34

Sorry kilmur but I disagree. The puppy came from a home where it was mistreated so I would be wary. Do you have dogs?

I would also be pissed off if the dog kept hassling my child.

Yanbu OP

Uptheairymountain Sat 27-Dec-14 07:10:33

You're not being hysterical at all - the dog should not be allowed to bother other people. A big dog is scary to a tiny child.

RhubarbAndMustard Sat 27-Dec-14 07:15:35

YANBU. If your poor toddler is scared, they should have tried harder to distance the dog or at least introduce to your child gently and ONLY allow the dog near your child when your child was ready.

I would have done the same as you and left early. They needed more consideration here.

Purplepixiedust Sat 27-Dec-14 07:26:09

It would have been better if they had put the dog in another room while you ate at the very least (and then tried to keep it away from your son the rest of the time too). Couldn't they see how it was upsetting him? Puppies are boistrous and want to play but it must have seemed huge to him. Gentle introductions and then the option to have contact or not is better. YANBU OP.

Kilmuir - I don't see how you got that the OP was reinforceing the idea dogs are scary... She has said that she tried to tell the child the dog is friendly. And why do you think it was only interested in food when it went to the child everytime he got up. In my experience puppies are interested in everything!

caravanista13 Sat 27-Dec-14 07:55:17

YANBU! I love dogs but they should be trained from the very outset not to approach children unless invited. My granddaughter and my son's dog are great friends, but only because my son has trained his dog exceptionally well and ensured from the very beginning that she never did anything to frighten the baby.

pilates Sat 27-Dec-14 08:14:40

YANBU and certainly not hysterical.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs Sat 27-Dec-14 08:28:56

We had this on Christmas Day. YANBU. I was told beforehand that the dog would be confined to the kitchen but it never happened. I lost my temper when DS started fussing at the dinner table, and it turned out the dog was licking his feet.

FibonacciSeries Sat 27-Dec-14 08:31:04

YANBU. My dog loves people and when I have toddlers or small children visiting, I keep him by me or in another room unless the kids are very, very comfortable with him.

GlitzAndGigglesx Sat 27-Dec-14 08:36:44

German shepherds aren't the friendliest looking dogs to start with so I understand why your lo was frightened but dogs are always excitable around new people. It doesn't sound like the dog was trying to cause harm

Jessicahyde85 Sat 27-Dec-14 08:37:38

See, I don't get people, I have a dog, he is lovely, but a pest, if there were a toddler in my home he would torment them, licking them and fussing them constantly, so I would shut him away!

I don't understand people and why they would put a dog before the comfort of their guests. When my son was small, my uncle had a vicious little dog, and he bit everyone of my cousins faces, split my husbands fingernail open, and they were disgusted with me when I insisted they lock the wretched creature away when I came round ( on their insistence) with my small baby! We had our dog at the time too!

Ujjayi Sat 27-Dec-14 08:38:15

YANBU. I have a dog & she is kept away from visitors & people in the street unless invited to come for fuss. I loathe it when I hear other dog owners saying "s/he is just being friendly" when someone is clearly upset or not wanting attention from their dog. It is irresponsible.

wallaby73 Sat 27-Dec-14 08:39:21

It really gets me going when some thoughtless dog owner says to a parent of a distressed toddler "oh he's just being friendly" then make NO effort to remove or control the dog. Seriously, if an animal that you had no experience of came running at you, and it is as big if not bigger than you, wouldn't most people lose the plot a little? As that's what it looks like from a child's perspective. Get your ruddy dog away from my child!!

RokensWife Sat 27-Dec-14 08:39:36

YABU - purely because you should have said something, regardless of what other issues they have going on at the moment. We have a lab who is daft as anything but big and playful, if someone asks me to put him away, I put him away.

Jessicahyde85 Sat 27-Dec-14 08:40:50

And may I add, who the hell eats with a dog in the room?!!! As soon as a plate clatters my dog takes himself up to bed immediately! How can you maintain a pack situation with a dog you would allow to beg from you!! Euch!

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 27-Dec-14 08:41:24

Do not take chances here. If you cousin can't keep proper control of a dog, he certainly shouldn't be bringing it into a situation in which young children are present.

All dogs can be dangerous. Dogs, children and food or pets' toys are a lethal combination.

I have removed myself from my wider family over this after a small dog went for my cousin's 2yo at face level. They simply will not listen to reason and as a result we have been excluded from lots of things, including a milestone birthday of the dog's owner who is a dear aunt of mine (well that's what I thought).

It's black and white to me. You simply can't risk it.

elephantspoo Sat 27-Dec-14 08:42:38

You should have left. Or had the dog locked in the garden or the car.
Knowing DS was terrified, it was your responsibility to remove that fear/threat. This is not a TV program with a kid hiding behind the sofa, this is an animal you do not know, capable of biting faster than you can react. Any harm or fear instilled in your child is wholly within your control, and your doing.

Taz1212 Sat 27-Dec-14 08:46:32

I don't get people, I have a dog, he is lovely, but a pest, if there were a toddler in my home he would torment them, licking them and fussing them constantly, so I would shut him away!

I have a lovely pest as well. He's 6 months old and if you come into his house, he will be desperate to become best friends with you. One of DD's best friends is petrified of dogs and even though we tried to introduce them from the day we got him, she is petrified of our puppy. When she comes over to play, I make sure the dog is in a different room as she and DD move around the house.

Letting a dog uncontrollably nose around a scared child is only going to make that fear worse.

financialwizard Sat 27-Dec-14 08:51:23

We have a Stafford pup who is 24 weeks and young nieces and nephews. We always ask the parents what they prefer us to do regarding the pup and tend to play it by ear. Normally she fusses all humans for 30 minutes before getting bored and going to sleep but I appreciate not all people or dogs want that.

Nervypreg Sat 27-Dec-14 08:52:56

YANB remotely U. I'd have been livid. My DH has grown up with dogs and does not trust them one bit with kids, and neither do his parents. Their 2 dogs aren't allowed anywhere near my 3yo DD. They are animals - you can't explain or reason with them, and with a rehomed dog it is particularly risky to have them around toddlers in case they attack them - just knocking them over or nipping at them is enough to scare your LO for life. Well done on keeping your cool.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Sat 27-Dec-14 08:56:58

We have a dog loving toddler and IL's have a lovely, very well trained German Shepherd. I still wouldn't want the dog jumping up at her, licking her and stealing her food. They are very large and generally boisterous dogs and could easily knock over/hurt a small child without intending to. I definitely wouldn't want an untrained shepherd with an unknown past jumping on my child, especially if said child is already wary.

Stillyummy Sat 27-Dec-14 08:58:13

Dogs should be taught from a young age not to jump up, scavenge food etc. so I don't think tiger or her child are unreasonable in being uncomfortable with this behaviour. Being a dog owner is like being a parent, you can't take your eye off them and just let them play, you are responsible for them. Of i owned the dog I would not have put tiger or the dog in this situation. As the guest all you can do is look after your child and take him to see nice calm doggies in the new year to remind him they are not scary.
Before I get accused of being anty dog, I like dogs. I have done a lot of work rehabilitating rescue dogs.

ThisFenceIsComfy Sat 27-Dec-14 09:01:36

Well, you should have said something like "I'm really sorry but he's scared of dogs, would you mind shutting the dog away for bit?" . The dog didn't say dangerous though, just friendly. Just a bit too friendly for a toddler who's scared of dogs. People do need to calm down a bit.

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