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is this rude? saying to someone about their helpful sweet dh, the worm always turns

(24 Posts)
magicpixie Fri 26-Dec-14 22:02:58

not said to me

but to a family member, by another family member, when her dh jumped up to do something she asked him to do

everyone was joking shes got him well trained etc

then someone said, well the worm always turns, I guess meaning the down trodden eventually rebel, well I guess that was what was meant.

she replied well I make sure he's well looked after too, I do xyz for him

and it was a bit of an arse clenching moment
personally I thought it was quite rude to say

furcoatbigknickers Fri 26-Dec-14 22:05:00

Very rude and green eyed.

CleanLinesSharpEdges Fri 26-Dec-14 22:08:09

The whole conversation is a bit cringey really. "Well trained"... like he's a puppy?

AgentZigzag Fri 26-Dec-14 22:09:49

I suppose all of the remarks could be taken as a bit shitty/rude, isn't it up to the bloke as to whether he helps out or not?

Is he 'downtrodden' do you think?

OfficerVanHarkTheHeraldAngels Fri 26-Dec-14 22:14:17

Rude, and jealous. There's another thread running ATM about this sort of thing. Women need to stop putting other women down for being in relationships where the domestic/emotional shitwork gets shared around evenly.

saturnvista Fri 26-Dec-14 22:17:24

Yes it's rude. But then so much of banter is. I wouldn't want my husband described in that way.

magicpixie Fri 26-Dec-14 22:17:56

I don't think he's down trodden, I just think he wants to make her happy

plus when its people you only see a few times a year, you don't really see what their relationship is like, like she says I'm sure she looks after him to make sure he is happy too

Evabeaversprotege Fri 26-Dec-14 22:25:09

My mum said today "you're so fortunate, dh takes good care of you & dc, look how he keeps your glass topped up"

I said but I'm good to him too, we're a team, it works well.

She said "well, I wouldn't know, I never see what you do" shock

Plus, he was only keeping the wine topped up to be in with a chance of a shag later nice fgrin

magicpixie Fri 26-Dec-14 22:29:46

eva, what did you reply to her comeback?

I'm glad this family member if mind did stick up for herself a bit
might make the rude one think twice next time?or maybe that's expecting too much

Theboodythatrocked Fri 26-Dec-14 22:36:43

Eva how bloody rude!

However generally sure it's banter at Christmas with added alcohol.

Have your answers ready and give back as good as you get.

Quangle Fri 26-Dec-14 23:03:36

Only acceptable if it was an ironic Christmassy reference to the Two Ronnie's 'The Worm That Turned' series. Otherwise rude.

RedSoloCup Fri 26-Dec-14 23:11:37

I think people are less likely to ever change tbh in my experience. A leopard never changed his spots........

Evabeaversprotege Sat 27-Dec-14 00:09:43

Well. She has the onset of dementia so I just said nothing.

Mil smiled & said she & FIL work the same, he cooks, she eats - it broke the tension a bit.

magicpixie Sat 27-Dec-14 00:15:51

suppose that's a bit different then if she has dementia

SoMuchForSubtlety Sat 27-Dec-14 00:23:26

"Well trained" to help out when asked, really? Would they say that if a woman helped out when asked?

Do the people hassling him think that women have some higher calling to clean and it's beneath a man to do it?

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes Sat 27-Dec-14 00:29:15

It was extremely rude and I'd be more than peeved. I've had it the other way round when men tell my DH that's got me 'well trained' because I'm happy for him to do something their wives aren't. It makes us both angry but we usually bitch laugh about how poor the other person's relationship must be behind their back and that cheers us up no end. grin

BathshebaDarkstone Sat 27-Dec-14 08:15:58

Yes I think that's rude. fsad

Sprink Sat 27-Dec-14 08:41:28

She said "well, I wouldn't know, I never see what you do"

No, you don't. That's because I'm a ninja.

Nervo Sat 27-Dec-14 08:49:59

I think the "well trained" comments are worse.

I often have to defend the amount dh does in this house - his fair share. Pisses me off.

LokiBear Sat 27-Dec-14 09:04:34

I'm always surprised by the comments my colleagues make if dd is ill and DH takes the day off. We always alternate, and I am the main earner in a more senior position, but people are always shocked when dh takes the day off with his poorly child instead of me. I actually feel very lucky to be in a partnership with my husband. We have always been equal partners, and know no other way. However, when I speak to people who have grown up children it wasn't like that for them. It seems that they lived through a time when there were predefined roles for men and women. From my perspective, it must have been crap for both sexes.

gamerwidow Sat 27-Dec-14 09:10:06

I hate this it's so sexist. Partners should want to help each other and share the load. It shows how much women are still expected to be servile when people express surprise at a man doing chores.

wobblyweebles Sat 27-Dec-14 13:54:45

Me too nervo. I'm often told by my mum how lucky I am to have Dh.

Every time he hears her say it he shoots back with a comment about actually he's the lucky one.

Nervo Sat 27-Dec-14 16:03:09

Wobblyweebles - my Mum is the one person who says I do too much. grin You see, it was my Mum who brought me up to not be a martyr.

Fairyliz Sat 27-Dec-14 16:22:03

Tbh I think we need a bit more context, as you said he jumped up when she asked him to do something. Eg If she asked for a drink when she was in the middle of breastfeed fine. If however she was just sitting their chatting and asked him to get her a drink I would say why not do it herself?
I have a friend a bit like this who asks her DH to do jobs in front of other people, it does come over a bit bossy and controlling

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