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MIL threads. AIBU?

(56 Posts)
chilephilly Fri 26-Dec-14 21:01:49

I feel as if I have read so many threads about MILs.
Christmas is a stressful time, no 2 ways about it.
BUT
I wish I had a MIL.
That's all.

Nothavingfunrightnow Fri 26-Dec-14 21:03:08

Same here.

Finola1step Fri 26-Dec-14 21:05:12

My lovely MIL passed away last week. It's her funeral on Monday. I am choosing to gloss over some of the MIL threads. But that said, I am well aware that some MILs can be nasty pieces of work. I was very, very lucky.

hesterton Fri 26-Dec-14 21:05:25

People tend to write about the mil difficulties rather than the many cases of everyone getting along ok.

You having a lovely mil wouldn't make up for someone else having a bullying one.

But I do hope one day you have a nice older woman featuring in your life who loves you. They can provide so much support when they're the right one Do you have a dh?

MidniteScribbler Fri 26-Dec-14 21:05:55

I wish I had a mother, father, mil or fil. DS has no grandparents at all. While we're at it, I'd like a DH/DP.

It also scares the hell out of me as a single parent to a DS that I'll probably have a lot of lonely years ahead of me if he chooses a partner that act like some of the posters on this site.

SukieTuesday Fri 26-Dec-14 21:06:25

Yawn.

Crabstick Fri 26-Dec-14 21:06:36

Same here. One day we may well be MIL's, so much dislike towards them

CalleighDoodle Fri 26-Dec-14 21:07:48

I think it depends on the mil. Mine did not acknowledge 3 out of my last 4 bdays in any way. She goes months without seeing me or my children, despite being a very active retired woman who lives 20 mins away. She likes things her own way and doesnt like anyone disagreeing with her. She had also told out and out lies about me. You want a MIL? Have mine.

DramaAlpaca Fri 26-Dec-14 21:09:04

I miss mine, she died a few years ago. She had her moments but on the whole she was lovely & very welcoming to me. I know I was lucky & I hope one day I'll be as good a MIL as she was.

OttiliaVonBCup Fri 26-Dec-14 21:09:23

No, you don't wish you had one.
You wish you had a nice one.

MILs are just like other people, some are lovely, some horrible. No one want a horrible one, but some people are stuck with them.

TipsyMcStaggers Fri 26-Dec-14 21:10:32

You can have mine OP

daisychain01 Fri 26-Dec-14 21:10:41

Yes I have to agree with you. I would have loved to have known my DPs mum, she sounded a real character. We would have got on like a house on fire.

But by the sound of some of this year's MN threads, I can absolutely 'get' how stressful it is if the MIL is PA, interfering or whatever. Especially at Christmas which can be the low point (dark, miserable, ergo claustrophobic) and uber stressful time of year for families, at the best of times!

AgentZigzag Fri 26-Dec-14 21:12:30

Do you really begrudge people trying to offload about the difficult situations they find themselves in at Christmas?

Trying to find ways of getting around them trapped with someone they don't get on with for days and days?

A situation they're probably only putting themselves through because they love their DH/DP and are doing it for them.

Why would you try and shame them into staying away from maybe the only release they can have without WWIII breaking out?

Discopanda Fri 26-Dec-14 21:13:17

I miss my old MIL, I was tempted to stay with my ex just because of his family! My current MIL is an absolute psycho, I think it gets worse after you have kids too.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Fri 26-Dec-14 21:13:42

well bully for you op, have mine! enjoy!

VitalStollenFix Fri 26-Dec-14 21:15:30

You wish you had a mother in law like some of the toxic hate filled ones described?
I dont think you do, do you?
My mother in law is bloody fabulous. I love the very bones of her.
That doesnt mean i think women should put up with their mother in law if that specific individual treats them like shit.
Thats like saying i miss my loving grandfather so people shouldnt complain about their abusive one.
That wouldnt make any sense at all, would it? My experience is meaningless when it comes to someone elses reality.
I think we should trust people to be reasonable and to know whether the person in their life is truly vile or basically a decent person and act accordingly.

Balaboosta Fri 26-Dec-14 21:16:16

My mil gave me, DCs and ex-dp a lovely Christmas Day. She rocks!!!

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 26-Dec-14 21:16:19

My MIL died earlier this month and her funeral was a week ago today. She loved Christmas and until the Alzheimers got hold was brilliant at it, I have to say.

I guess I was lucky. My MIL always introduced me as her daughter, not her daughter in law, and was always telling people how lucky her son was. She told me I was the daughter she never had!

durhamgirl Fri 26-Dec-14 21:16:47

You can have mine. She is a nasty bitch who has left my children out of getting a Christmas present when all the other gc got one, just because she's had a falling out with dh.

SuperMumTum Fri 26-Dec-14 21:17:17

Hmm. My MIL is lovely, has a heart of gold, but we have nothing in common apart from DP and DD and were it not for them I would not choose to have someone like her in my life. She irritates the fuck out of me. So should I be grateful that I have her? I don't think so. She's just a person. A nice but annoying person that I have to put up with.

Balaboosta Fri 26-Dec-14 21:18:40

I think there is a tendency on here to think the worst of MILs and to take offence very easily. To some extent that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's not to say that some MILs don't behave badly...

wanttosqueezeyou Fri 26-Dec-14 21:22:09

You mean you wish you had a nice one?

Or you wish you had a controlling, rude, unhinged bitch in your spare room for a week?

loiner45 Fri 26-Dec-14 21:25:51

I was very lucky with my MIL too - she's now an ex MIL but I see her every week, she's the best grandma in the world to my dc, we've just spent a lovely Boxing Day with her. Some of the MILSs I hear about on here would have driven me to emigrate !

shutupaboutstarwars Fri 26-Dec-14 21:27:52

My MIL is great. You can't have her. My DH's MIL can be a 'interesting' . You can have her wink

LovleyRitaMeterMaid Fri 26-Dec-14 21:30:33

My mil had the very definition of an awful mil. Her mil went for her with a knife once.

My mil is the best around!

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