Talk

Advanced search

To think my MIL is a controlling cunt?

(51 Posts)
MyGastIsTinselled Fri 26-Dec-14 20:17:09

MIL hates Christmas, always has. For that alone I want to tell her to fuck off but I bite my tongue. This year she announces that she will not be 'doing' Christmas. BIL still lives at home so I invited him to ours for Christmas Day so that he won't miss out on everything.

Anyway he arrives & all is going well until he announces that he can't be late back as MIL is doing 'festive food'. She then proceeds to ring him up in the middle of the afternoon to find out what time he'll be home.

I'm a bit lot pissed so am probably not explaining this well but AIBU to be pissed off that she suddenly decided to do festive stuff almost in competition with us?

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard Fri 26-Dec-14 20:19:02

No, be pissed off with your BiL for not telling her that he'd made plans with you and he wouldn't be changing them.

gamerchick Fri 26-Dec-14 20:19:53

No it'll be more than that.

Somebody who doesn't do Christmas loudly but then clings to one person and does Christmas anyway has an icepick pain q in their head.

Why don't you all go?

Xmas2014Santa2014 Fri 26-Dec-14 20:20:07

I think what she means is she doesn't want to spend Xmas with you just bil sad

MyGastIsTinselled Fri 26-Dec-14 20:20:25

No-one ever tells Mummy dear that they can't fit in with her plans. hmm

As you've probably guessed there is a whole back story to this...I'm too pissed to go into it right now.

Xmas2014Santa2014 Fri 26-Dec-14 20:21:12

I feel bad for bil
Sounds like he's stuck in the middle

Xmas2014Santa2014 Fri 26-Dec-14 20:22:41

Pissed or pissed off? fgrin

raltheraffe Fri 26-Dec-14 20:23:43

"MIL hates Christmas, always has. For that alone I want to tell her to fuck off"

Lots of people hate Christmas, me included. Why you feel the need to tell people to "fuck off" just because they dislike something ironically points to you to be the controlling one.

LadyLuck10 Fri 26-Dec-14 20:25:01

I'm really not sure it's your mil who it's the controlling one. Not everyone 'does' Christmas hmm

AgentZigzag Fri 26-Dec-14 20:27:25

YANBU, very annoying.

It's the same as people who look down on anyone watching the telly but oddly seem to know the plots of all the soaps/reality TV.

'As you've probably guessed there is a whole back story to this...I'm too pissed to go into it right now.'

You have to tell us now! Nowt like a drunken rant coming back to haunt you the next day wink

drudgetrudy Fri 26-Dec-14 20:27:44

TBH I think you are over-reacting.

AgentZigzag Fri 26-Dec-14 20:29:57

'I'm really not sure it's your mil who it's the controlling one. Not everyone 'does' Christmas'

Isn't that what the OP's saying? That the MIL did do Christmas after making a point of saying she didn't, dragging OP's BIL back from enjoying it at hers in the process?

MyGastIsTinselled Fri 26-Dec-14 20:30:17

The reason I want to tell her to fuck off is that she says she had a few rotten Christmases as a child-we're talking 60+ years ago & basically decided she hated Christmas from that moment on.

I've had shitty Christmases & I had to make a conscious decision to try to enjoy Christmas or hate it forever...I got over it & love it now. I also have 2 small boys, who MIL claims to adore, but she can't even make an effort for their sake.

She also goes on & on about how she hates Christmas & doesn't 'do it'. When she says she doesn't do it, she means she doesn't do it at all, no decorations, no Christmas dinner, nothing.

If she doesn't do it fine, that's her choice, but why then suddenly decide she is going to do it at the last minute?

raltheraffe Fri 26-Dec-14 20:37:22

My hatred of Christmas comes from the fact I had abusive parents and the abuse and DV always escalated at Christmas time.

It is a perfectly acceptable reason for disliking something, it brings back distressing memories.

I only celebrate Christmas now because of my son. Once he reaches 18 Christmas will be permanently cancelled.

MyGastIsTinselled Fri 26-Dec-14 20:40:13

Sorry that you had a bad time, but if you don't mind me asking, do you go on & on about it? MIL does. I've heard it so many times now. And it wasn't an abuse situation, but obviously I can't know exactly how it was as I wasn't there.

She never really made much of an effort for DH's sake either-he seems very unsure what to do at Christmas time & sometimes seems like a very unwilling participant.

caroldecker Fri 26-Dec-14 20:50:16

Maybe your DH is worried about his weird controlling wife's reaction to perfectly reasonable comments from other people

Mammanat222 Fri 26-Dec-14 20:55:39

OK I am confused.

You say that this year she announces she isn't doing Christmas so you invite BIL round.

What about all the other Xmases?

MyGastIsTinselled Fri 26-Dec-14 20:58:32

What is the 'perfectly reasonable' comment & what was my overreaction to it?

She's always said she hates Christmas but normally does a Christmas dinner for her, FIL & BIL. We invite them here every year but our invitation is always declined because she 'hates Christmas'

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Fri 26-Dec-14 21:02:09

When she says she doesn't do it, she means she doesn't do it at all, no decorations, no Christmas dinner, nothing.

So if she doesnt do dinner then why the need for "This year she announces that she will not be 'doing' Christmas."?

Surely it would have been known that she wasnt doing it. What made this year different that she had to announce it and that you decided to invite BIL to yours?

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Fri 26-Dec-14 21:03:49

confused ok you are saying two different things. One of which must be incorrect.

MidniteScribbler Fri 26-Dec-14 21:12:01

So she does 'do' Christmas, she just doesn't enjoy it very much. Your response to this was to invite your BIL and leave your MIL alone all day, on a day you know is hard for her. BIL in came to lunch, but wanted to go home to spend time with his parents for dinner and you think that makes her a 'controlling cunt'? Why couldn't you have invited all of them for lunch? Someone is making a drama out of Christmas, and it's not MIL.

MyGastIsTinselled Fri 26-Dec-14 21:14:38

Ok normally she says she hates Christmas & does it begrudgingly. This year she's not doing it at all. But then suddenly decided at the last minutes she was going to do some 'festive food' (but not a roast dinner)

mynewpassion Fri 26-Dec-14 21:15:04

People still have to eat on Christmas. She could have just made dinner like any other day and wanted to know if he would be home or should they save him some food.

Ohmygrood Fri 26-Dec-14 21:23:42

Was the invite extended to MIL as well as BIL? I'd imagine that he feels awful leaving his mum alone on Christmas Day. Perhaps he asked his mum to phone him?

usefully Fri 26-Dec-14 21:25:43

It's not very nice to call your MIL a cunt, no matter what she has done...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now