To think sister is really selfish?(3 Posts)
Some details changed but here goes. DSis lives abroad. Have travelled to her three times this year and used all annual leave on going to her "events" - including her wedding, her birthday and Christmas which she hosted. Plan was always for Christmas to be here this year. In October she decides she "can't afford it" and so can't come. Fair enough (sort of, keeping in mind how much has been spent on her this year). But then I see the presents her and her now DH have exchanged (think jewellery worth loads etc) and think they could easily have afforded it (especially as they don't need to pay for accommodation here). To make it worse they didn't even call on Christmas then said they would call today but didn't. When I messaged to ask why they hadn't called I was told they'd gone to dinner with friends instead and been tied up...AIBU to be really upset by this and think alone she is selfish after a year that has been all about her?? Of course I wouldn't miss her wedding etc but it has been a lot for her this year (plus Christmas with her last year which was lots of travelling). It was planned all year Christmas would be here and it feels like she just can't be bothered. I understand wanting to spend Christmas with her now DH just the two of them rather than them coming here but she didn't say it was that - she said she couldn't afford it....
It more polite to say it's about money than preferring to spend it without you. Maybe that's why she said it.
YANBU - but some people are just like this - have an in-law who is perhaps similiar - she has endless holidays a year (they own a holiday home abroad and must spend 5months a year there often passing our home on their journey to said holiday home ) but apparently according to her and MIL she is "far too busy" to find time for her nieces or nephews yet MIL expects /try to demand we should endure expensive difficult journey over to them (they live a plane ride away from us ) in order that this relative gets to see us- as if all travelling and hassle for visits is our responsibility - I cut that dead before it started - I am not overly offended this in-law doesn't spend any of her time bothering to visit us - but I was bloody furious that there was this idea/expectation we would be bullied into wasting our time/money going to see them - so I just stopped it when I had kids - didn't go down too well but was past caring as had had several years of it
So really depends on whether she is a bit like this generally i.e. quite self important (like my in-law) or whether perhaps it's a one off given she is newly married - which may also explain the expensive gifts to each other - if it's not a one off and she is one of those people who expect everyone to go to see her at great expense but is "far too busy" to bother making any effort to visit anyone else then perhaos just cut back on the expensive journeys to go and see her - if on the other hand t's more of a one off then maybe cut her some slack as she lives far away and it's her first year Married and she may not realise she had offended anyone
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