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to feel a bit put out that mil put some cas in a card for dd2

(15 Posts)
lemisscared Fri 26-Dec-14 19:07:46

yet bought her other dgs an xbox one!

i probably am actually as dp is really crap about calling his mum even thought i try and encourage him to do this.

just feel a bit hurt for dd2 that she wont have an actual present to open. it has NOTHING whatsoever to do with the value.

dp doesn't call his mum (this is bad) but she doesn't call him either.

We had hoped to maybe go up today (we do every year) but when he called her she said she had his db and family there and to "give her a call when we want to pop up" -its a significant distance.

i think its really sad. mil is actually lovely but i think is miffed that dp doesn't make the effort.

i know iabu but it still hurts and i could tell dp was hurt. i would dearly love my dd to have a proper nan. my mum is quite poorly so despite trying can't be that for her.

someone slap me

CatCushion Fri 26-Dec-14 19:16:21

Have you heard about the xbox hackers? X box unusable, so cash is a much better cash by comparison!

Try to avoid finding out what your MIL has given to others and stop comparing, makes life much easier.

LadyLuck10 Fri 26-Dec-14 19:18:16

I think yabu, they don't have a close relationship and she obviously doesn't know her gc very well. The cash would be more appropriate. She's given something.

lemisscared Fri 26-Dec-14 19:19:30

err what has xbox hackers got to do with anything and we didn't try to find out. the information was volunteered.

my friends ds' xbox worked fine though -phew

lemisscared Fri 26-Dec-14 19:20:34

ladyluck - you are right. they don't have a relationship at all and its our fault not hers sad

Lymmmummy Fri 26-Dec-14 19:24:56

YANBU - it's not nice to punish the child for the parents actions - that said if she has lots of GC and some of the other siblings make more effort with her she will likely favour them as I suppose this is natural - perhaps explain to your dp that with your mother being not well you would really like to put some effort into developing a relationship with his mother for your children's sake - I do this with MIL for similiar reasons - although God knows MIL is very difficult and overbearing and if my own mother were alive I would not make half the effort - but like you I take the opinion it's more important that's GC have link to grandparent and this need is iabove my preferences

ProcrastinaRemNunc Fri 26-Dec-14 19:42:11

How old is your dd2? Some of mine would actually far prefer cash to presents. It's not often they have money to use as their own, so cash in a card is a special treat!

If she's younger (and due to lack of contact), it possibly would have been nice to forward the cash to you, for you to buy an appropriate present. Equally, a lack of contact might have made this difficult to arrange?

Overall, its good your did was not excluded! How did she feel about receiving cash?

LordEmsworth Fri 26-Dec-14 20:15:09

Well, if your DD is 2 (?) she won't mind. Giving a 2 year old cash rather than a gift hardly makes her not a real nan. I am not sure a 2 year old would appreciate an Xbox anyway... grin.

Can you resolve to try to encourage a relationship over the next year, if this is something you want your DD to have? To be honest, if you left it till today to organise going to see her then I wouldn't feel like it's something that was important to you - though I don't really understand why you couldn't go anyway...

lemisscared Fri 26-Dec-14 20:52:56

dd is 9

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes Fri 26-Dec-14 21:03:38

You have the opportunity to improve this situation and arrange to see your MIL more in the coming year.

If you are upset about the cash think how upset your MIL must be not to know her DGD well enough to choose a present.

Why not organise a monthly/quarterly dinner or outing?

lemisscared Fri 26-Dec-14 21:07:48

you are so right whirly. i will try and push for more visits. dp is terrible though. he leaves it ages then feels bad so leaves it longer.

fredfredgeorgejnr Fri 26-Dec-14 21:08:56

Bonkers, a 9 year old should be able to completely understand what money is, and understand that some people don't have the time or knowledge of the child to get a gift so give cash to let them choose something they really want.

It might be bad if everyone only gave cash, so a 9 year old just had a pile of it, but one person, that just seems fine... I expect the xbox was a prompted/negotiated present in any case rather than the other parent having a choice.

Fanfeckintastic Fri 26-Dec-14 21:11:40

I think the fault here, if there is any, lies with your DH to be honest.

DP and one of his brothers don't have a great relationship and never exchanged gifts so I never expected anything for DD from him (though I was utterly embarrassed when he handed DD a leap pad ultra yesterday!! blush) and individual gifts for us and we hadn't gotten him or his new girlfriend anything shock

But it's usually relative to the relationship with the family, how would she know what to get your DD if she doesn't really know her?

Discopanda Fri 26-Dec-14 21:23:38

Do you speak to your MIL? If your DH doesn't speak to her she may have just given cash because she doesn't know what to get for DD2?

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes Fri 26-Dec-14 23:47:46

Why not organise a shopping day with your MIL to go to Toyrus or wherever to spend her money.

You don't have to wait for your DP to act - text or email your MIL yourself and organise. (Obviously let your DP know of course) I often organise things direct with my MIL invite them even if my DH is away with work.

It's important for the DCs to have relationships with their GPs and I do what I can to facilitate that.

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