YANBU - it's not nice to punish the child for the parents actions - that said if she has lots of GC and some of the other siblings make more effort with her she will likely favour them as I suppose this is natural - perhaps explain to your dp that with your mother being not well you would really like to put some effort into developing a relationship with his mother for your children's sake - I do this with MIL for similiar reasons - although God knows MIL is very difficult and overbearing and if my own mother were alive I would not make half the effort - but like you I take the opinion it's more important that's GC have link to grandparent and this need is iabove my preferences
How old is your dd2? Some of mine would actually far prefer cash to presents. It's not often they have money to use as their own, so cash in a card is a special treat!
If she's younger (and due to lack of contact), it possibly would have been nice to forward the cash to you, for you to buy an appropriate present. Equally, a lack of contact might have made this difficult to arrange?
Overall, its good your did was not excluded! How did she feel about receiving cash?
Well, if your DD is 2 (?) she won't mind. Giving a 2 year old cash rather than a gift hardly makes her not a real nan. I am not sure a 2 year old would appreciate an Xbox anyway... .
Can you resolve to try to encourage a relationship over the next year, if this is something you want your DD to have? To be honest, if you left it till today to organise going to see her then I wouldn't feel like it's something that was important to you - though I don't really understand why you couldn't go anyway...
Bonkers, a 9 year old should be able to completely understand what money is, and understand that some people don't have the time or knowledge of the child to get a gift so give cash to let them choose something they really want.
It might be bad if everyone only gave cash, so a 9 year old just had a pile of it, but one person, that just seems fine... I expect the xbox was a prompted/negotiated present in any case rather than the other parent having a choice.
I think the fault here, if there is any, lies with your DH to be honest.
DP and one of his brothers don't have a great relationship and never exchanged gifts so I never expected anything for DD from him (though I was utterly embarrassed when he handed DD a leap pad ultra yesterday!! ) and individual gifts for us and we hadn't gotten him or his new girlfriend anything
But it's usually relative to the relationship with the family, how would she know what to get your DD if she doesn't really know her?
Why not organise a shopping day with your MIL to go to Toyrus or wherever to spend her money.
You don't have to wait for your DP to act - text or email your MIL yourself and organise. (Obviously let your DP know of course) I often organise things direct with my MIL invite them even if my DH is away with work.
It's important for the DCs to have relationships with their GPs and I do what I can to facilitate that.