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AIBU in thinking it's odd to call your MIL "Mum"

(114 Posts)
Fabulous46 Fri 26-Dec-14 15:14:05

My DIL is 4 days overdue and has asked to stay at ours for another week. This is no problem to us as DS is back to work tomorrow and I'll be around. It makes sense as she won't be alone if she goes into labour. I'm a bit uncomfortable though with being called "mum" in the last few days by her. I really do adore her, but, well, she has a mum doesn't she? She doesn't have a great relationship with her own mum. I wondered do any ladies call their MIL "mum"?

AMillionNameChangesLater Fri 26-Dec-14 15:16:48

I don't. She isn't mom and I don't particularly like her

ZanyMobster Fri 26-Dec-14 15:17:38

This used to be very common but not as much now, I was because people never used first names so it would either be Mrs X or mum.

My DH sometimes calls my mum, mum. I can't see why it would be an issue if you like her.

Mandatorymongoose Fri 26-Dec-14 15:18:41

My ex used to call my mother Mum, he had a Mum of his own who he adored, it was just an expression of affection - DM would just laugh and say 'Ok, son'.

EbwyIsUpTheDuff Fri 26-Dec-14 15:20:23

both of my parents called their respective inlaws "mam" and "dad".

my mother has remarried, though, and quite firmly refers to her as "[husband]'s mam" or by her name... their relationship is very different.

IBrokeTheInternetB4itWasCool Fri 26-Dec-14 15:21:29

My mum called her MIL mum. I don't because MIL doesn't even like her own kids calling her that - they call her by her name and so do I. But I do think it's lovely and you will offend her if you say anything. If she's due a baby any day she will be calling you nan/gran (or whatever your equivalent is) very soon anyway (that's what we d to my mum when the kids are around).

Happy36 Fri 26-Dec-14 15:22:28

I call my mother-in-law Mami (Spanish version...she's Spanish). Not always but from time to time it just slips out as that's what my husband calls her. I get on really well with her and with my own mother. I've never asked her if she minds, she's never said anything (and is very easygoing).

FishWithABicycle Fri 26-Dec-14 15:24:20

My MIL&FIL like me to to call them mum and dad. They have said this is because they never had a daughter, "just" sons. I don't really mind, as I call my own parents by different versions, but it feels a little awkward and I switch between that and their names.

spinduchess Fri 26-Dec-14 15:25:59

No, mines not Mum. She is lovely though. Its obviously a sign that she cares for you, so i'd just go with it, whilst still signing cards with your real name.

iggymama Fri 26-Dec-14 15:27:02

I would take it as a massive compliment and a sign of her affection for you. Better than than being one of those mils who feature on regular mil from hell threads on here.

As already said, you will be moving to the title of gran very soon anyway.

PhaedraIsMyName Fri 26-Dec-14 15:29:51

Awful. I don't like parents calling children "son" either.

Spadequeen Fri 26-Dec-14 15:30:17

My dm called her mil mum and her ex mil mum, but she had (still has) a bad relationship with her own mum.

Take it as a compliment, as you said, she doesn't have a great relationship with her own mum.

ISolemnlySwearIveBeenGoodSanta Fri 26-Dec-14 15:30:34

I don't think its odd. I sometimes call my MIL mum even though I have a great relationship with my own mum. Any birthday or xmas cards we send them are always to mum and dad from both of us. I think that when two people are married or are together a while your family becomes their family and vice versa. She obviously feels a very close connection to you. If you adore her, then I can't see the problem. But if it makes you feel that uncomfortable, you could tell her and risk really hurting her feelings when she's vulnerable.

Balderdabble Fri 26-Dec-14 15:31:43

My aunt told her DIL that she could call her Mum (I think because what everyone does in my aunts family) and now, 12 years later, DIL still just avoids calling her a name at all! And they see each other every day!

Jewels234 Fri 26-Dec-14 15:36:47

My MIL insists I call her mum, but it makes me cringe. I don't like her, and I have my own mum.

I would see it as a compliment. Though understand how it's a bit weird!

ClashCityRocker Fri 26-Dec-14 15:38:50

I think it's an old fashioned thing - both my mum and dad and dps mum and dad called their respective mils 'mum'. If she's been bought up with that, she maybe just thinks it's he done thing.

We don't do it in our generation of the family, though. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it myself.

Fabulous46 Fri 26-Dec-14 15:39:12

It's just something I never did. My MIL was called by her first name until the kids came along and was called gran by them. I still called her by her first name though. I would never upset DIL by saying I found it odd, she means far to much to me to hurt her. I really should take it as a compliment and I'm so glad she doesn't look at me as the MIL from hell.

TinklyLittleLaugh Fri 26-Dec-14 15:39:22

I think it's very sweet and you must be a great MiL. We tend to go for first names in our family, but I would be flattered rather than uncomfortable if I were you.

StrawberryCheese Fri 26-Dec-14 15:39:35

I couldn't call my in-laws mum and dad. I wouldn't write the gift tags for FIL's presents the other day even though it was from both of us. I left them for DH to do. My own dad passed away and I just don't feel comfortable giving that title to someone else.

GnomeDePlume Fri 26-Dec-14 15:39:41

I dont all my MiL mum. She isnt my parent, I dont have a parent/child relationship with her.

Slutbucket Fri 26-Dec-14 15:40:15

It's was very common in northern towns to call your in laws mum or dad. It's not as common nowadays though more my mums generation.

GnomeDePlume Fri 26-Dec-14 15:41:10

Thinking about it SiL calls DMiL mum. I find it strange and a bit childish.

SenecaFalls Fri 26-Dec-14 15:41:45

What's all this gran business? I didn't call my mother-in-law her grandmother name (she would not have wanted that) and my children-in-law don't call me my grandmother name (I wouldn't like that either).

I called my MIL by her first name and that's how my children-in-law address me, but I think it's great that your DIL wants to call you mum. She may be feeling vulnerable and emotional right now, and if she does not have a great relationship with her own mother, she may have a heightened need for a mother figure in her life.

FloatIsRechargedNow Fri 26-Dec-14 15:42:43

Well, looking at a lot of threads on here, after the birth of your gc, you could soon become MIL from hell so make the most of it. Poor girl wants a 'mum' right now but hers doesn't want to be one, feel good that she feels comfortable with you, for right now.

MassaAttack Fri 26-Dec-14 15:49:02

It isn't odd at all. I'm a bit surprised to hear people here saying it is tbh.

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