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to give my honest opinion when asked for it?

(54 Posts)
mommy2ash Fri 26-Dec-14 14:50:30

I know a lot of people think it's a cop out to say I was just being honest but I am a very honest person and make a point of not offering my opinion unless specifically asked for it. anyone who knows me know if you really want the truth you will get it off Me if you just want someone to agree with you im not the person.

well my sister asked my opinion on sending my niece to preschool in September. my sister and my mom were talking about how advanced my niece is and how she really needs to be taught. she will be two and five months come September.

my opinion is she is too young. the preschool in question is very strict and expects a lot from young kids. my dd went there so I know first hand. she needs to be completely toilet trained, have normal sized toilets with plastic step and are not supervised while in the toilet only someone outside the door. my niece doesn't really have many words yet just mama dada and baby so unless she comes on leaps and bounds which is of course possible she won't be able to participate at the level they expect.

the reality as I see it they will send her home within the first week and say she isn't ready and she might not get a place the following year as it is very much in demand. she already goes to a creche that caters for her age and I think she is better there. the preschool is really to get them ready to attend primary school.

my sister then asked if I thought her child was not advanced enough to attend and my answer is no, she c lovely wonderful child and I love her to bits but she isn't advanced and there is nothing wrong with that.

now she won't speak to me until I take it back and agree her dd is very advanced for her age.

the whole thing seems really ridiculous to me. why can't kids just be kids without having some sort of special talent.

TheMuppetsSingChristmas Fri 26-Dec-14 14:54:54

Ah, the honest to the point of rudeness excuse. No sympathy for you I'm afraid OP. It doesn't take a genius to see that it was never going to end well and that you should simply have avoided answering at all and changed the subject. I think you enjoyed what you did and were gloating in the fact that your child went there. I can imagine how it came across and what they were feeling. YWB utterly U.

Sirzy Fri 26-Dec-14 14:55:38

Ywnbu the pre school sounds awful tbh and I think you were right to say you don't think its right for her

On another note they are legally not allowed to refuse children who aren't toilet trained

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Fri 26-Dec-14 14:56:57

Yep, sounds ridiculous to me too. Is your niece your sisters first child? She is being annoyingly PFB.

haphazardbystarlight Fri 26-Dec-14 14:57:35

As with most things it is the way you say it.

"I don't think she's quite ready just yet,' is just so much kinder than 'she's not advanced.'

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Fri 26-Dec-14 14:58:12

I dont see where OP was rude. confused

StillStayingClassySanDiego Fri 26-Dec-14 15:00:58

Oh dear, being honest hasn't worked and now you're in a stand off with your sister, who'll blink first, her or you?

Apologise and tell her you didn't mean to upset her or don't and see if she speaks to you first.

mommy2ash Fri 26-Dec-14 15:05:32

I agree it's how you say it. i didn't go down the not advanced route till it was put to me as a direct question. my answer was no I don't think she is advanced enough to attend a preschool aimed at preparing children for school this year. next year she will be more than ready.

my overall point was she might lose her place by sending her too young.

I wasn't gloating that my dd went there they do great things for the kids but are extremely strict im not sure I would use them again for that reason.

it's different in Ireland 're toilet training. this preschool does require children to use a toilet unaided and I know the will take the place back if a child clearly isn't trained.

Andrewofgg Fri 26-Dec-14 15:07:38

Give me your honest opinion = Tell me I'm right or STFU

SolomanDaisy Fri 26-Dec-14 15:09:19

The whole conversation sounds ridiculous, since it is nine months away and you don't know how developed your niece will be by then. I'd suspect your sister is pissed off because you thought the preschool was suitable for your own daughter but nit for your niece, which does suggest you think she's not as bright as your daughter.

Boomtownsurprise Fri 26-Dec-14 15:10:54

Frequently "I'm an honest person" is actually "I enjoy bitching and seeing people's pain"

Think of it like "banter". Which is only ever said when the words were hurtful. It's a deflection tool. You pretend your words are helpful knowing full well they hurt the recipient. But it's ok coz you were just honest right?

fredfredgeorgejnr Fri 26-Dec-14 15:12:01

YANBU to give an honest opinion.

Good stealth boast though.

PhaedraIsMyName Fri 26-Dec-14 15:12:42

Perhaps it would have been more tactful to emphasise how truly ghastly the pre-school is. From your description whether my child had been a baby Einstein or a baby Arthur from Cabin Pressure I wouldn't have chosen it.

naty1 Fri 26-Dec-14 15:14:10

So shes 20m or so?
I guess 3 words isnt too bad, probably average. But you cant really know till 2 anyway.
Why do they think shes advanced if its not language?
What was yours doing at this age to be advanced? Are they still advanced(as its common for it to even out)
DD was advanced at that age, still seems to be but is not potty trained and behaviour doesnt necessarily go with being ahead.
I cant really see how a nursery picks advanced kids- some sort of test?
What were they teaching them?
It does sound a but like - my kid is cleverer than yours. You just cant tell though. dSis didnt talk early bit spoke in sentences straight away and is much more intelligent than me who spoke earlier.
Same will probably true for our kids.

LokiBear Fri 26-Dec-14 15:15:56

What makes your sister think her dd is very bright and 'needs to be taught'? My own dd was a very early talker, she was chatting away in sentences at 15 months. However, so was my niece so it was not unusual. My mil would tell anyone who listened how unbelievably bright they both were because they talked so well. I always pointed out to mil that, actually, my brother couldn't speak until he was four but ended up being very academic. I don't think language is an indicator of intelligence. I'm always interested in to how people define 'bright' toddlers - what is it that advanced toddlers do that regular toddlers don't?

IBrokeTheInternetB4itWasCool Fri 26-Dec-14 15:16:39

YWNBU to be honest when asked, but now you realise that honesty is not what they want, just give them the 'oh sorry, yes she is advanced, I didn't mean that'. Mend the relationship - they're not asking you to be honest now, they just want you to be nice.

anothernumberone Fri 26-Dec-14 15:16:45

YANBU why send her to preschool a year early she will barely get into school aged 4 and 4 months, a lot of Dublin schools cut offs are closer to 5, she certainly won't get in aged 3 and 4 mths. You sister is bring rediculous. Additionally I think I would toilet train before suggesting sending to preschool.

mommy2ash Fri 26-Dec-14 15:18:15

the preschool was ok at the time for my dd at a different age. I said it would be fine for my niece at a different age. im not a huge fame of this preschool at all.

im not a person who is generally rude in fact mostly the opposite. I wasn't trying to be rude but I can see now how it came across that way.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Fri 26-Dec-14 15:18:32

'Advanced' is such an emotive adjective to describe a child, particularly between siblings such as you and your sister.

One person's advanced child is someone else's average child.

Not worth the row OP, would you think?

mommy2ash Fri 26-Dec-14 15:21:05

in all of this i have never claimed my dd was advanced. she was much older when she attended the preschool. I only put that in to show i do have experience of how the preschool works and that was why she was asking me.

supersop60 Fri 26-Dec-14 15:23:25

You can still be honest and tactful. Nobody likes being told that their child isn't as pretty/clever/talented as they believe them to be.
I had an exbf who would say the most hurtful things and then expect a round of applause for 'being honest'.

jackfrosticle Fri 26-Dec-14 15:23:30

It sounds like a terrible pre school to me if it's prepared to take children from 2 but not cater to their needs at that age hmm

My DDs went to a wonderful pre school, one from 3 and the other from 2.4 and they both got on really well there.

Your OP is confusing me, the DD is presently, what, 20 months old and you say this:

"my niece doesn't really have many words yet just mama dada and baby so unless she comes on leaps and bounds which is of course possible she won't be able to participate at the level they expect"

She has NINE months to improve on her speech, that's a lifetime at that age. I don't know your child, so can't say if she's advanced or not but I you seem a little naive about how much a child can develop in that time.

mommy2ash Fri 26-Dec-14 15:32:48

you are right of course nine months is a huge amount of time at that age.

I just text my sister to apologise for hurting her feelings that was never my intention. she said she will forgive me as long as I apologise to the baby and tell her aunty does think she is advanced. apparently her feelings are hurt too. this is getting really nutty or possibly an attempt to enjoy me grovelling nobody can really think a small toddlers feelings are hurt by a conversation they weren't paying attention to.

AryaUnderfoot Fri 26-Dec-14 15:39:45

This is 9 months away! How do you know she won't be properly toilet trained and speaking very well by then.

I think you just wanted to piss on her fireworks.

LokiBear Fri 26-Dec-14 15:40:16

I still don't understand why your sister thinks her daughter is so advanced? It sounds like your sister is being a little nutty. Infact, it sounds like she is massively projecting on to her daughter. Do you think she will end up pressuring her dd to be 'advanced'?

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