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To be a bit narked at present I got

(91 Posts)
Spiritedgirl Thu 25-Dec-14 11:24:16

Ok so I just need to know if I'm an ungrateful cow or not. Boyfriend and I are unable to be together at Xmas and so he dropped round my presents a couple of days but asked me not to open them until today. So I just did. I got some nice smelly stuff, some of it quite expensive and stuff he knows I like so so far so good.

One of the things he knows I like is jewellery, in particular a certain brand of charm bracelet. Think along the lines of Pandora but a different brand. Anyhow in the past he has bought me a couple of charms and I have been thrilled with them. All from the jewellers and while I was with him. Just to set the scene they cost around £45 each.

So I'm opening my presents and see the box and think wow this is going to be good. It's a bracelet box. So I'm thinking new bracelet - wow. However, inside is a charm but as I'm looking at it I realise it's not new .. Its tarnished and as I'm looking at the box I can see it's been used before as it's a bit scruffy and the velvet inside is worn looking. Also the new charms come with a tag you have to cut off before you can use it and there is no tag with this one. Besides is a bracelet box and not the type of box that the charms come in.

Long story short it must have come from eBay as I know boyfriend enjoys looking at things on there. He is into vintage watches but we are talking very expensive items. For example he bought he himself a vintage watch that cost £3500 last year.

AIBU to feel narked that he bought me a second hand charm that he probably paid £15 quid for but that only costs £45 brand new, it's not like it's a rare or valuable item. This particular charm is easily available in the high street and online. The only saving grace is that the charm is something that is specific to him and me so the meaning and thought behind it is nice but that kind of makes me feel worse. Why not just buy me a new one?
I'm ungrateful aren't I?

I should say he is not short of a few bob so money is not an issue.

ilovesooty Thu 25-Dec-14 11:26:06

He's bought something specific to your relationship and you're whinging?

You sound spoilt.

MrsBertMacklin Thu 25-Dec-14 11:29:08

Yes, you're ungrateful. He got you something that required thought and other presents. Have you looked up the value of those yet?

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere Thu 25-Dec-14 11:30:24

I've had no presents.
There's no one to give me any and kids too young to go shopping without me.

So it's second hand, so what. He's got you thoughtful gifts that you actually like. That's actually really nice. Don't throw a strop, be bloody grateful that you've got a lovely man in your life who loves you and has thought about gifts for you that he knows you will love and appreciate.
Some of us don't have that, and would kill for it.

Yes, I am having a bad day grin

NanTheWiser Thu 25-Dec-14 11:31:00

YABU, it's the thought that counts - and he found something he felt you would be pleased to receive - it's not about the money.

WorraLiberty Thu 25-Dec-14 11:31:15

Oh please get over yourself

He was thoughtful enough to browse Ebay for something he knows you like, order it and wrap it.

Why does it matter if it's brand new or not?

FindoGask Thu 25-Dec-14 11:33:00

You do sound ungrateful, I'm surprised you even had to ask. As well as the charm, you got other presents you like, and you like the charm itself as well as appreciating the meaning behind it, you just don't like the fact it's second hand. You'd be doing yourself a favour if you squashed these feelings forthwith - they're not a good look.

runlikeagirl Thu 25-Dec-14 11:33:28

Yes yabu. What is wrong with second hand if it's something you want? Lots of my presents to Dh are second hand and for the dc. Saves on landfill and if it's what they want, what does it matter

Lweji Thu 25-Dec-14 11:33:30

I don't think you are particularly ungrateful, but could it be that he saw the charm and it was an afterthought, as in he saw it and it related to your relationship and he decided to get it, rather than the main gift?

Fanfeckintastic Thu 25-Dec-14 11:33:38

Maybe he couldn't find the specific one new. One of the charms DP got me it so thoughtful, from something I told him years ago about my mam who has passed away and if he'd gotten me this particular charm second hand, tarnished and worn I'd still be overjoyed. If it was just a generic meaningless one I wouldn't be so happy, unless he was out of work or particularly broke.

CalleighDoodle Thu 25-Dec-14 11:34:48

I can understand why youre a little narked, but you do sound a little spoilt. This was a present extra to your nice an expensive smellies.

Bowchickawowow Thu 25-Dec-14 11:34:52

He probably had trouble getting that specific one new and spent time tracking it down on eBay instead. It sounds like a really thoughtful gift!

ChristmasEva50 Thu 25-Dec-14 11:35:52

He's bought you expensive perfume that you like and a charm that he has chosen for you - be happy. I got a Pyrex jug from dh for our first Christmas together. I could have thought of better presents but I thanked him all the same. His present giving hasn't improved over the last 22 years (got money this year) but he's a good, loyal husband and father. Gifts aren't everything.

Pancakeflipper Thu 25-Dec-14 11:36:48

Cor.... He got you stuff you like. It wasn't the only gift.

I think you need a little shake. It might not be your ideal gift but he cannot get it bang on every time.

Tiptops Thu 25-Dec-14 11:37:15


I wouldn't give tarnished jewellery as a gift.

oldgrandmama Thu 25-Dec-14 11:38:21

Crikey, you do sound a little bit ungrateful, OP. Sounds like your boyfriend went to a lot of trouble to source a charm that means something to you both. It's a bit tarnished? It'll clean up perfectly well. And you liked his other presents. For goodness sake, stop carping and be grateful - boyfriend sounds thoughtful and sweet.

ChristmasEva50 Thu 25-Dec-14 11:41:54

Shadows I got shower gel from ds1 this year. He's 19 but has sn's and this is the first time he has gone shopping himself to get me something. At the moment you have the only gift of love from your children (the most precious gift) but they will reciprocate in the years to come.

TheHatInTheCat Thu 25-Dec-14 11:42:32

Yanbu fair enough if it was worth thousands and he got a bargain. If he can afford a £45 charm then he's being tight.
Totally different answers here to the second hand loubotins in style & beauty.
I would be pissed off aswell, second hand is ok if you're skint.

JuanDirection Thu 25-Dec-14 11:43:19

YABU. To some people (with money or not) second hand just isn't an issue. He's obviously seen this and thought of the meaning behind it - that's really thoughtful and kind. I bet he'd be gutted if he knew all you were thinking about it was 'why didn't he pay £45 instead of £15 and get a new one'. sad

PrettySnowyPictures Thu 25-Dec-14 11:43:55


Spiritedgirl Thu 25-Dec-14 11:44:19

Thank you mumsnet jury. Pretty unanimous verdict.
I'm thought deep down I was being ungrateful. I've just given myself a big slap and told myself off!

Sorry Shadows that you didn't get any presents. I hope your day gets better.

BolshierAyraStark Thu 25-Dec-14 11:44:51

You sound like a spoilt princess so yes YABVU, sounds like he put thought into it so why does it matter if it's 2nd hand?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 25-Dec-14 11:51:16

Yes you are ungrateful but at least you've recognised the fact and can now tell your bf you're thrilled with your present, even if that's not true.

Allisgood1 Thu 25-Dec-14 11:54:04


WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Thu 25-Dec-14 12:00:09

I dont know anything about jewellery but can you 'fix' tarnish? Does it come off if cleaned? If so then it is just as good as a new one really. Would be nice if he could have cleaned it first though but it is a gift he put thought into. Does it matter whether it cost £30 more or not? Its the same gift whether £15 or £45.

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