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to have bought DS (age 4) an Elsa doll for Christmas? DH thinks I am!

(22 Posts)
BubbleGirl01 Wed 24-Dec-14 12:54:17

DS3 (aged 4.5) is obssessed with all things Frozen and I have bought him several 'unisex' type items over the year. I thought 'fuck it' yesterday and bought him a snow globe Elsa on spec last night. He will be bloody delighted with it! He also will have a large talking Olaf and Sven teddy to open tomorrow among other things. I cant wait to see his face!

He does not generally play with dolls although he used to dress up as a 'princess' in a dress at nursery!

DH was a bit hmm last night and said we cant give him the Elsa. Main reason being that we have his family coming for dinner tomorrow. He comes from a muslim culture (although none are practising) and they are very sexist to boot. DH will not want DS to be seen with a doll (although he is fine with him having it at home with just us here) and I should imagine DS will be carrying it around all day! His nephew also has past form for calling my boys names with no intervention from BIL and SIL. He also says that if DS mentions to his school friends that he got an Elsa that they will take the mickey out of him.

So should I take it back?

bungmean Wed 24-Dec-14 12:58:19

My son would love an Elsa doll!

You're helping break down the barriers of everyday sexism where toys have to be gender-specific. I think he'll be just fine.

haphazardbystarlight Wed 24-Dec-14 12:59:54

I wouldn't take it back but I wouldn't open him up to teasing either.

Iggly Wed 24-Dec-14 13:01:36


NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding Wed 24-Dec-14 13:02:26

Oh that's really awkward. Of course he should have the doll and it's a relief your DH sees that too.

Problem is if you still give it to him in front of sexist relatives, they may actually spoil it for him - any teasing or disapproval, however quickly you respond to it, could really affect him, and he may feel like he's 'wrong' sad so that may actually be worse for him than, say, leaving it wrapped up as an extra surprise for after the relatives bugger off,

owlborn Wed 24-Dec-14 13:03:36

I'd get him a relative friendly present and then give him Elsa when they are gone as well.

NynaevesSister Wed 24-Dec-14 13:06:23

Don't take it back. It might open him up to teasing but would he care? If he does then now is a good time to start talking to him about teasing, and conformity in a way that he can understand. My friends son chose pink Wellington boots. When other children started to tease him he just responded with why is it a problem no one tells girls they can't wear blue.

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes Wed 24-Dec-14 13:08:12

He's old enough to understand that other people can be 'silly' and 'old fashioned' about these things.

Give him the present. Politely address any issues with rude relatives (or their offspring)

A friend's DS used to cone to play at ours and spend the whole time gazing lovingly at a particular doll we had. His Mum actually bought him one for his birthday but took it back under pressure from her DH. I understood why but I always felt that it was a shame.

NynaevesSister Wed 24-Dec-14 13:08:17

If you want to compromise with your DH though what about starting a new tradition - the Boxing Day present. Pick one gift for each child that gets put aside and then pop it out on Boxing Day morning as a way of making Christmas last that little bit longer.

Frusso Wed 24-Dec-14 13:08:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaholidaynow Wed 24-Dec-14 13:11:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Wed 24-Dec-14 13:11:37

First of all, Olaf sounds terrifying! I don't think he translates well to toys fgrin
Also if your son is going to be happy with the toy, I see no problem. It's not like you're making some political statement and forcing it on him. This year all three will be getting Frozen toys, but DD's big present is a dump truck with each carriage carrying a character from Peppa with a remote control, DS2's is an Elsa doll and DS1's is a creepy Olaf, Sven, Krisstoff and Elsa kit mixed with with a tea set. (DS1 is 5)

I don't live in an especially inclusive area TBH, but I know my DS's aren't the only ones getting Elsa presents. One Granny told me she'd got her DGS Elsa leggings!! I guess what I'm saying is if it isn't an issue in this ancient, tiny town, I doubt it is a big deal anywhere.

MyIronLung Wed 24-Dec-14 13:14:23

My ds(3.4) told me yesterday that he wants an elsa doll. Unfortunatly it's a bit late for Father Christmas to bring! We will probably buy one with any Christmas money he gets grin

BubbleGirl01 Wed 24-Dec-14 14:42:10

Giving it to him on Boxing Day is an excellent idea! Have to see if I can hold out till then grin. You are right about any negativity spoiling it for him.

Thank you all. Have to say I have never bought anything girl orientated for my older DSs so I have been overthinking it a bit. I suppose DD could always say it's hers even though she's 18!

EatShitDerek Wed 24-Dec-14 14:47:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaphneMoonCrane Wed 24-Dec-14 14:47:38

Bubble we've bought DS1 (4) a My Little Pony cuddly Rainbow Dash toy. He loves MLP after playing with them at a friend's house, and he's always watching the TV show. DH was a bit hmm at first but I know he'll bloody love it.

Giving it to him after the sexist rellies have gone is a good idea, though.

madamginger Wed 24-Dec-14 14:52:31

I gave my 4 year old ds Anna and Elsa dolls for his birthday, he loves them! My FIL is of the sexist variety and he has learnt to keep his mouth shut now. I hate the whole girl/boy toys thing, toys are just toys in our home.

BackOnlyBriefly Wed 24-Dec-14 15:03:43

Give him the doll and kick the sexist relatives out. Let them sit in the garden if they can't behave in civilised company.

Itscurtainsforyou Wed 24-Dec-14 15:11:23

I've bought my 4 year old a lammily doll. Not sure what he'll make of it, but I thinks it's important that he knows that he can play with anything he likes (regardless of gender stereotypes) smile

SoonToBeSix Wed 24-Dec-14 15:14:51

My dd 3 has the Elsa toddler doll my ds 2 has the Anna toddler doll. Both love them equally.

GoodQueenWenchAnneLass Wed 24-Dec-14 15:20:00

DH and I both have Muslim backgrounds from different places and our 3 year old loves Frozen too. I bought him the DVD and a book with one of those wipe clean board things. Much eye rolling from DH. I just shrugged. I bluntly tell my lot where to go and less bluntly but forcefully ridicule his lot if they say anything.

You shouldn't have to but I agree about maybe giving it after as an extra surprise.

TheWitTank Wed 24-Dec-14 15:24:59

No please don't take it back! It sounds like it will make his Christmas fsmile!
Agree with some pp that compromising and giving it to him later in the day when the relatives have gone or on Boxing Day might be best if it's going to cause stress and silly comments. He can enjoy his Elsa in peace then and not have his joy tarnished by anything they might say.

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