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to not be sure i can do this.

(15 Posts)
motherofmonster Wed 24-Dec-14 12:18:21

The last time i was on here was nearly 3 weeks ago, getting excited about Christmas and getting ideas for the elf we have coming to stay.
so much has changed.
my dad died suddenly nearly 3 weeks ago. The funeral was only last week.
in so close to both of my parents and both me and my ds who is 5 saw them everyday.
since it happened we have been staying with my mum, who is,for a better word lost.
in sat here sobbing wrapping my sons Christmas presents wondering how the hell am i going to be able to hold it together tomorrow? He is so excited about Christmas and i am dreading it. How can i name this ok when there is going to be a massive hole at the table.
his dad and i are separated so it has always been just me, ds, gran and grandad. Christmas was already tinged with sadness since my sister passed away a few years ago and it just felt like the past couple of years had started to be happy at christmas time.
i can almost hear my dads voice telling me to pull it together for my sons sake. Ive been doing well, ive not really cried as ive had too much to organise ect.
i don't know what to do. I feel like i don't have any strength left.

haphazardbystarlight Wed 24-Dec-14 12:25:17

I'm so sorry {hug}

Your DS will just enjoy the presents, honestly, don't feel you have to lie or put in a front, I never have. I just say I am upset because I miss my own mum/dad but I am happy my children are happy.

3 weeks after my dad died suddenly I was a wreck. Just do what you can when you can, I promise. Xx

Hatespiders Wed 24-Dec-14 12:28:13

You poor poor thing, I'm so very sorry for your loss, and so near to Christmas. flowers
Your darling dad's voice is still in your heart. And he's right, bless him. You'll find the strength to get through. But don't hold back the tears, it's natural to grieve.
Wishing you peace and the strength to cope x

Mammanat222 Wed 24-Dec-14 12:29:20

Oh gosh, sorry to read your sad news.

We lost my granddad (years back now) just the week before Christmas. In-fact we had his funeral between Christmas a NY.

This year is going to be tough and I think you need to accept that but also make an effort to keep it as normal and "happy" as possible for DS.

Sometimes pretending to be happy can actually help lift the mood?

My Granddad and my Mum (it was her Dad we lost) both loved Christmas and despite it being a sad time for the first few years we always try and make the festive period about happiness.

Have a toast to your dear Dad tomorrow, he wouldn't want you to all be sad.


Gwenci Wed 24-Dec-14 14:34:51

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. How absolutely heartbreaking. Losing a loved one at any time is horrific but so close to Christmas when you feel the expectation to have fun, be excited and entertain just makes it so much worse.

Haphazard is right - do the best you can for your DS but ultimately you can't pretend you're not grieving. It's not ideal, for any of you, but one toned-down Christmas isn't going to hurt him. You and your mum need time to be sad and feel your loss.

I'm so, so sorry for you. Do what you can - enjoy DS's happy face as he unwraps his presents, toast your dad if you can - but accept that this just isn't a normal Christmas.

Thinking of you and sending lots of love. xxx

carrielou2007 Wed 24-Dec-14 14:37:44

I'm so sorry for your loss xxx one step at a time, one hour at a time even xxx

Saymwa Wed 24-Dec-14 14:54:13

Sending a Big Hug for you. How about giving one to your Mum ?

Your son might need one too. smile

I suggest you take care and be gentle with yourself and then you can be with your DS and DM . If you need to talk to someone in RL, I also suggest you phone the Samaritans. That way you could meet your need for contact.


tallulahturtle Wed 24-Dec-14 22:27:57

Sending a hug. Xx

SuzySheepSmellsNice Wed 24-Dec-14 22:30:59

Sending you lots of love XXx

ghostyslovesheep Wed 24-Dec-14 22:37:34

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

your DS will just remember the presents

you and your mum just need to get through it

be kind to yourselves - it is so raw and so soon xxxx

take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

HoHonutty Wed 24-Dec-14 22:40:53

So sorry that this has happened. When we had a bereavement very close to Christmas we just got through the day the best we could and just kept reminding ourselves that it is just one day.


usualsuspect333 Wed 24-Dec-14 22:45:04

It will be hard, but you will get through it.

Try and focus on your DS tomorrow

Sorry for your loss.x

DiscombulationDiva Wed 24-Dec-14 22:48:48

Sorry for your loss. My gran died 2 days before Christmas a couple of years back. The day was really hard but not as bad as we were dreading.
There were some nice points too.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself, children are very accepting and more insightful than we give them credit for. If you are sad, he will understand x

MinceSpy Wed 24-Dec-14 22:54:47

I am so sorry for your loss, this time last year I was in a similar place to you and its a tough place to be. Your son is five and very resilient, do what your dad would want you to do, put on your bravest face and let your son have an amazing day. Keep your dad close in your heart and make him proud.

firstposts Wed 24-Dec-14 23:09:54

That sounds very hard. So sorry, what a tough day ahead. sad

The sun will rise, you will do your best, the sun will set and rise again. Just one foot in front of the other.

You are allowed to take yourself off to be sad for a while though. You son will give you all moments of happiness too, cling to them. They are just as real and valid as the grief.

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