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Is daughter being unreasonable or her friend.

(54 Posts)
whitesandstorm Tue 23-Dec-14 19:28:50

I'll try to make this as short as possible. Dd at uni, has friend not at uni but lives in home town and they go out socialising when dd is home. Dh owed friend £30 which had been agreed to pay back before certain date. In the meantime daughter had a night out with friend who had brought another friend along who dd didn't know. At the beginning of night out dds friend lost her purse so therefore no money. Friend she brought along had no money at all so therefore my dd bought all their drinks for the night which cost her about £40.(This was separate from the cost of her own drinks) Dds friend hadn't wanted the £30 my dd owed her back at this time as she wanted it in a week or so when she knew she needed it.
The thing is now dds friend keeps reminding dd about £30 due next week, but is this right, bearing in mind dd spent £40 on drinks for friend and friends friend. Dd is torn, she owes it but at the same time she thinks friend owes her. It would really have been better if dd had lent friend drinks money.
Who is being unreasonable here?

whitesandstorm Tue 23-Dec-14 19:29:25

Dd not dh.

lljkk Tue 23-Dec-14 19:32:43

Your DD has a strong case for saying the debt is cancelled.

ilovesooty Tue 23-Dec-14 19:33:41

Sounds as though your daughter has repaid the debt.

honeysucklejasmine Tue 23-Dec-14 19:34:45

I'd argue cancelled out too. Or that her friend owes her £10!

Blondebiker4685 Tue 23-Dec-14 19:38:08

Id say dd owes her friend £10 because she lent £20 to unknown girl and £20 to her friend

Blondebiker4685 Tue 23-Dec-14 19:39:37

She could always ask her friend to get £20 off unknown girl

The way my friends and I would work that (all uni students) is that the debt is repaid.

SirChenjin Tue 23-Dec-14 19:42:52

Your DD's friend owes her £10.

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK Tue 23-Dec-14 19:43:12

Has she said well well just make it even then for the night you lost your purse?

itiswhatitiswhatitis Tue 23-Dec-14 19:46:20

If I was your dd I would say "drinks cost me £40 for you and x last night so rather than me giving you £30 and you giving me £40 we'll call it even"

diddlediddledumpling Tue 23-Dec-14 19:46:37

so on the night out, once the purse was lost, the friend said, 'No, don't give me back the £30 you owe me now, but yes, I'd be happy for you to buy me all my drinks tonight.'
seems pretty unreasonable to me. And that's not even mentioning the other friend who went out for drinks with no money!
how to resolve it is another matter, though.

CassieBearRawr Tue 23-Dec-14 19:47:16

Why is this girl assuming your daughter paid for all her drinks out that night? Unless your daughter offered to do so, I'd say she owes her mate a tenner and the other friend owes your daughter twenty quid.

Fuckmath Tue 23-Dec-14 19:48:26

I'd say it depends how your daughter acted re the drinks buying. If she just bought for the friend and her friend unrequested and they would have been happy not to drink as much or in any way said oh you don't have to, then she hasn't necessarily paid the debt. However if friend was more than happy to have the drinks then I think it can go towards the debt.

Rebecca2014 Tue 23-Dec-14 19:52:01

Ooo this can ruin an friendship.

Your dd should have told her friend that buying the drinks was towards the debt. Friend may have thought dd was just being nice?

Threeplus1 Tue 23-Dec-14 19:52:29

I'd say call it quits.... But it's for precisely this reason that I tell my kids to never lend or borrow money. If they want to give money that's fine, just give what you can afford and don't expect it back. Friendships are ruined over money - and don't even get me started on what it does to families.

Vivacia Tue 23-Dec-14 19:54:33

It doesn't sound to me as though your daughter said, "look, I'll pay for the drinks tonight, and we'll call it quits, is that ok?". It sounds as though she's just decided that it pays off the debt, without checking that the friend understands things this way too.

In hindsight she should have just given the friend the £30 then.

I think the best she can do now is what itiswhat suggests, If I was your dd I would say "drinks cost me £40 for you and x last night so rather than me giving you £30 and you giving me £40 we'll call it even" but be prepared to lose a friend over this.

whitesandstorm Tue 23-Dec-14 19:58:19

Ooo this can ruin an friendship........ That's precisely what I and my dd are worried about. They've always been good friends, it would be awful to fall out over money.

Tinks42 Tue 23-Dec-14 19:59:56

Of course the decent thing for the other girl to do would be to take that into account. Your daughter is not being unreasonable. The other girl may be a bit of a "taker" rather than giver. Up to your daughter if she wants to be friends with such a person.

Fanfeckintastic Tue 23-Dec-14 20:03:47

Debt cancelled, don't mind the extra tenner though

Springcleanish Tue 23-Dec-14 20:10:32

Presumably the forty quid was drinks for all three of them. I'd therefore give back the thirty, and at the same time say, 'by the way you and other girl owe me x for drinks the other night, when will you be able to pay me, or is the next night out on you?'

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Tue 23-Dec-14 20:16:15

The friend is expecting your dd to replace the money in the lost purse. The replacement of which is the friend's responsibility.

Anyone who turns up for a night out with no money is either a) a freeloader or b) has been promised by another party that the other party will pay for their drinks.

For the sake of not confusing myself anyone, I'm Christening the other friend 'Barbara'.

So I think your dd needs to work out if her friend was paying for Barbara's drinks, as Barbara had chosen to show up cashless. Or was Barbara expecting to sit and drink nothing at all whilst dd and friend drank?

In your dd's position I would say to the friend "You and Barbara owe me £20. Pay me back the total £40 and I'll give you the £30 back that I owe you.'

It's not fair to expect the £30 back when, in effect, it's been paid back early. I know the friend said she didn't want the £30 early, but she got it as your dd kindly offered to pay for the evening's drinks. For all of them. Frankly, beggars can't be choosers and if the friend can't budget such that she can possibly accept £30 early, then tough. She's expecting your dd to subsidise her until she can afford to find the £40.

This gets a bit more complicated if dd's friend isn't willing to cover the cost of Barbara's drinks, because then actually your dd owes her friend £10 and Barbara owes your dd £20.

I think the friend is being really cheeky in taking money from your dd but declaring it not the owed money. The mistake is in your dd accepting this but I expect she was in a very difficult position and was thinking of her poor pal who'd lost her purse, so she was only being kind really. But her friend is being very unfair.

KnackeredMerrily Tue 23-Dec-14 20:17:36

I am guessing DDs friend doesn't think 40 was spent on her and is thinking that DD bought her 3 drinks or so and isnot considering her friend's drinks.

I am guessing she thinks 3 drinks is part of the give and take of friendship but that the £30 is additional to and needs to be repaid.

Your daughter needs to sit down and put her side across quite clearly and in monetary terms exactly what 40 got spent on. It's so easy to lose the value of things on a night out.

lljkk Tue 23-Dec-14 20:18:15

Springclean, OP said "cost her about £40.(This was separate from the cost of her own drinks)"

Not much of a friendship worth keeping if the "friend" insists on seeing the 30 quid as still due.

XiCi Tue 23-Dec-14 20:25:15

I'm confused. Dds friend brought another friend who lost her purse so why did your dd then buy drinks for both of them all night? Did the 2 girls both come out with no money?

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