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Who's BU?

(10 Posts)
perfectlyincapable Tue 23-Dec-14 18:14:26

Background split up due to the Exps depression, escalating to punching holes in doors etc and him also playing the victim of he doesn't get his own way, making out illness as soon as someone else is to get out of responsibility.
I was no angel either as I get frustrated by his behaviour easily and get annoyed at him just throwing things in my face so I tend to just cut conversations with a whatever attitude.

copy of messages below, the conversation previously was that exp had to work all day from 10am, hasn't seen his daughter in a while, when called to ask about when he can see her it transpired he was actually off work and had lied about it.

Me:
About right... when was the last time you spent anytime with your daughter?

EXP:
Im trying to get xmas shopping all done was gonna ask if i could take DD out shop shopping tomorrow had alot of shit im trying to sort out i dont need anymore

Me:
Yes xmas shopping is definitely more important, nevermind we'll make do.

ExP:
It is when DD needs a present from her dad and i see your doing just when you have money for Domino's not enough to get the DS's shoes or DD's shoes i have given you a tv xbox playstation i have got xmas gives for everybody when i have nothing i have bent over backwards to try and help you and do things for the kids and all you give in return is have a go at me so thank you very

Me:
Sorry what? I've bought the kids shoes out of my own money, and I bought my dinner out of my wages from last night, come take your fucking maintenance and stuff back then I don't want anything with strings attached!! DD1 is sick and I'm ill too so fuck off

ExP:
Its not that im sorry your ill and im sorry DD1 is ill but i have been slogging my guts to sort xmas out and you do is give me abuse im ill too i was gonna take DD out tomorrow to buy shoes everything is going tits up for me

Me:
Forget it I'll do it myself, sorry you class me asking when you're going to see your daughter as abuse, I'll remedy that too.

ExP:
No you gave me abuse i want to see my daughter she means the world too im not in the mood for this just lost my job at the Chinese im fucked over by everyone so dont even think about stopping me from seeing DD

Me:
How did I give you abuse? Yes Exp everyone fucks you over...

ExP:
Oh fuck off then sick of it all the fucking time im trying really hard to get money and give the kids a great xmas and you wanna give me shit you know what i will pick up the tv and xbox sick of you making me out like i dont care when thats all i every fucking do

Me:
Good come and get it.

EXp:
I fucking will ungrateful cow

PS yes we are both adults, I'm a single mum to 4 DCs (only one is exps) but if you read on my previous threads I have just about had enough this week (I lost my job and have 3 elderly relatives that I am caring for).

ArgyMargy Tue 23-Dec-14 18:17:11

Both of you. It's the season of goodwill but neither of you have it.

Deemail Tue 23-Dec-14 18:18:15

You both sound unhappy and frustrated, and are taking it out on each other.

kinkyfuckery Tue 23-Dec-14 18:18:16

He is being unreasonable. Christmas gifts don't keep a roof over his kid's head, or food on the table.

WorraLiberty Tue 23-Dec-14 18:22:01

Yep, both of you sound snappy and unreasonable.

Then again, I know happily married couples who are exactly the same at the moment, due to the stress and long build up of Christmas.

perfectlyincapable Tue 23-Dec-14 18:28:56

Youre right I guess I am unreasonable I'm just fed up that he doesn't bother with his daughter then throws whatever he has bought the DCs as gifts in my face and my maintenance.

It grates me that he no longer has any responsibility in his life other than his job and I'm left with 4 DCs on my own, 3 sick relatives and no help (especially when I feel so poorly)... still oh poor me doesn't help, just needed to rant.

ImperialBlether Tue 23-Dec-14 19:10:15

Yes but realistically he's not responsible for your three other children, is he?

Hatespiders Tue 23-Dec-14 19:34:41

I feel very sorry for you both. Neither of you has much money, you're both tired and fed up, he's just lost his job and you have the sick relatives and 4dc on your hands. He seems as if he'd like to do more but hasn't the resources. Also you're not well.

You're both under a lot of stress and (as Deemall says) are lashing out at eachother. Neither of you is BU.

Try to be calm with him and avoid sniping if you poss can. If you can find the 'elastic' to apologise later on and try to keep things on a more even keel you'll maybe get a nicer response from him.

But I do understand; it's rotten when you're poorly and have to cope with yet more problems. Hope you feel better soon and have a Happy Christmas.

perfectlyincapable Tue 23-Dec-14 20:25:50

Oh he is still working that one was a very part time job he was ditching in January anyway now he has a full time job, he also has no bills except his car and child maintenance - yes I sound bitter, I am bitter.

I'm just fed up of him playing the victim when in reality I have had to pick up the peices because his "depression" caused him to become violent and a cheat.

DaisyFlowerChain Tue 23-Dec-14 20:30:43

You both sound tired and unhappy, try to forget it and move on for your daughters sake.

It's not his fault he has no responsibility and that you have four children as they weren't choices he made and you did. Can't their dad have them more if you need time to yourself.

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