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I think I have offended them

(13 Posts)
Edenviolet Tue 23-Dec-14 17:27:56

DM has been in hospital a few weeks as had a brain haemorrhage. Before her admission she was smoking 15-20 a day.

She hasn't had a cigarette at all which is great and we are hoping she won't re start when she is home (today).
Db and sil (both smokers) are visiting DM in the morning and they often when there pop out I to the garden to smoke but its a small garden and you can still smell it inside as they leave door open and on them when they come in.

I (perhaps wrongly) anticipated the situation where they might smoke and sent a text saying "just a thought, perhaps tomorrow when you are with DM it might be better to not smoke as it s early days with her giving up and she has mentioned she s going to find it hard when she's home"

Now I've had no further texts back and I'm worried I've offended them


ILovePud Tue 23-Dec-14 17:33:51

I'd do nothing, I don't think what you sent was offensive but you can't always prevent others from taking offence. I think it's kind that your wanting to support your Mum on this.

londonrach Tue 23-Dec-14 17:35:34

Not sure op depends on if you hit a nerve. Mind you i hate the smell of smoke and have seen what it does to the foot and skin so im not impartical. Sorry mntters my smoking hate makes me unreasonable. At uni we told one 18 year old boy he lose his manhood due to smoking. We very bad! Well done to your mum for being strong. Im see people who lost legs outside the hospital lighting up. I wish her a quick recovery. You certainly had a hard year hedgehog. X

Edenviolet Tue 23-Dec-14 17:36:47

I know DM can't avoid smokers forever but I thought it might be a bit much the first day home.i sent the text then ...nothing and I thought I might have caused more if a problem by mentioning it

Idefix Tue 23-Dec-14 17:39:31

You may have offended them but for all the right reasons. I might have worded the text slightly differently...I am sure you have already thought about this db and sil but when you visit dm...
People always seem to prefer that it was their idea/decision.
I am sure that they will realise that you are suggesting it for the best of reasons.
I hope your dm is ok.

Lweji Tue 23-Dec-14 17:54:26

Too late, but this is the type of thing I wouldn't send via text.
It sounded very patronising and mothering.
They may not be offended, but I'm sure they won't have liked it as it was.

IMO, it would have been better to actually talk to them, either directly or indirectly. You could discuss with your brother how you both could help her kick the habit, and his smoking there would just come up naturally.

As it is, I might preempt it and actually ring him and mention something like foot in mouth, and then go on to have that discussion.

RattieBagTheOldHag Tue 23-Dec-14 17:59:22

I think it was a mistake to send it too even though I agree with what you were saying. How about sending another text saying that you reread your text and have realised it sounded a bit off along with an apology and a bit of inane chat..... You might as well clear the air as you don't wont to be worrying about this type of thing while your Mum is so ill.

youarekiddingme Tue 23-Dec-14 18:02:01

If you've offended them that's the nicest offending message I've ever read fwink
Honestly, if they are offended they need a swift kick up the raise into reality.

DealForTheKids Tue 23-Dec-14 18:07:59

As a smoker I might be a little huffy and reply 'I wasn't even thinking of it but thanks hmm' but it comes through a good place so they are BU if they do take offence.

bigbluestars Tue 23-Dec-14 18:22:42

I understand your feelings OP. Smokers don't realise how badly they stink.

timetoplay Tue 23-Dec-14 21:15:51

DMs health...them being precious. Tough tits on them if they do.

SoonToBeMrsB Tue 23-Dec-14 21:21:08

I get annoyed when someone tells me to do something that I was already planning on doing so that may be why they are being quiet but I don't think your message was rude.

timetoplay Tue 23-Dec-14 21:23:02

Also Hedgehog80, I've seen you posts before and aren't they pretty shitty and selfish most of the time anyway? Very useless and supportive? I doubt they'd e considerate and would need telling.

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