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to be annoyed that we haven't been given presents in return?

(83 Posts)
LeFrenchDilemma Tue 23-Dec-14 15:46:03

Dropped Christmas presents off at SILs today. Bought for her, her boyfriend, her ex husband (who this time last year was still with her so is still involved in family), her 3 kids (our niece/nephews) and the baby she is 5 months pregnant with.

We won't be seeing her again before Christmas and the only thing we got in return was a Christmas card. Nothing was mentioned about presents. She has plenty of money, in fact they just sold their home for a whacking profit. And I noticed she has bought for her new boyfriends nieces and nephews.

We still don't have Christmas presents from last year - apparently they were in her shed and she 'just needed to dig them out' - considering she's cleared out the shed since then for a house move I'm guessing the presents 'got lost'. BIL and his kids managed to get presents from her though and she had the nerve to complain the gifts she got from him return only cost a couple of quid despite the fact he'd just lost his job.

I know you don't give you receive, and I'm not fussed about getting a present myself, neither is DH, however our DD has gone another year without a gift from her aunty. her children are 2, 10 and 13 and we have bought decent gifts every year since they were born. My DD is almost 2 and whilst she won't know any different it still irks me to think she's thought so little of.

AIBU to be pissed off that our DD has missed out on yet another Christmas gift and we have just got a card?

Purplepoodle Tue 23-Dec-14 15:47:47

I'd stop buying the adults and just buy the kids

SamCroClaus Tue 23-Dec-14 15:48:37

uabu you got a gift for a child who is't even here.....

waithorse Tue 23-Dec-14 15:49:15

Yeah, you're not getting anything from her. Next year just buy for her dc so they don't miss out.

Vivacia Tue 23-Dec-14 15:50:26

I think you know you are being unreasonable. If you resent giving reciprocated presents then don't give them (because you should have learned that last year rather than presuming that the presents from 2013 are still on their way).

Next year either send just the children presents or just send a card.

SparklyReindeerShit Tue 23-Dec-14 15:50:27

Stop buying for them then. Lesson learnt.

Nervo Tue 23-Dec-14 15:50:51

Stop buying for her. she clearly doesn't want to be involved in this reciprocal arrangement.

LeFrenchDilemma Tue 23-Dec-14 15:51:46

Yeah would always buy for the kids!
Sam it's just a wee sleepsuit that cost about �6 but still

riveravon23 Tue 23-Dec-14 15:54:49

Is it possible that she could have sent some flowers/chocolates for you all? I only say that because similar happened to me once and then we had a delivery (which SIL had not wanted to mention in order for it to be a surprise).

Having said that, I do understand as my children have only had presents from us, and each other, for some years now.

londonrach Tue 23-Dec-14 15:55:19

Stop buying for the adults and possibly the children. Surprised you buy for an unborn baby. I learnt my lesson buying for a unborn baby that died just before due. I refuse point blank to buy anything present or card wise for an unborn baby now as i dont want to bring bad luck.

Optimistletoe1 Tue 23-Dec-14 15:55:24

After Christmas, have a conversation with her. "I hope I didn't embarrass you by buying presents for your family? Would you prefer to just do gifts for birthdays? Or children only? Or not at all?" Then, accept her response. At some stage your DD will learn that not all people buy presents for everyone they know/are related to.

You do seem to have an in-depth knowledge of her life, though (who she's bought for, what she thought of BIL's gifts, when her shed was cleared out, etc)!

Simile Tue 23-Dec-14 15:55:32

Next year only buy for the children. For this year, can you ring and ask her directly whether she is getting a present for your DD as last year she forgot?

(You could phrase it more like "I was just wondering...")

Storytown Tue 23-Dec-14 15:56:54

There's obviously something wrong here - most people would be embarrassed to keep receiving presents and not reciprocating. Maybe she's hoping you take the hint and stop buying? As always, the answer is for DH to, you know, talk to his sister.

However, I would hate to receive a gift for an unborn baby when only 5 months pregnant. I may be superstitious and stupid but that would bother me, a lot. I thought it was well known that you don't buy until baby arrives.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Tue 23-Dec-14 15:57:04

Why did you buy for a child who doesn't actually exist yet?

Only1scoop Tue 23-Dec-14 15:57:58

I don't think yabu to be annoyed but your gift buying sounds a little Ott....ex ....boyfriends etc etc.

She could have bought for you dd though. I'd knock it on the head next year.

HesterShaw Tue 23-Dec-14 15:58:53

You bought a Christmas present for a gestating foetus? confused

Anyway, I guess YANBU to feel a bit put out. I always feel a bit put out when we buy for nephews and nieces every year and don't so much as get a bottle of wine "in return".

However I guess you can always stop if you want to.

chanie44 Tue 23-Dec-14 15:59:07


It isn't about the presents, it's represents how SIL feels about her DN.

Next year, I'd only buy for the children.

Only1scoop Tue 23-Dec-14 15:59:18

And buying for the unborn child just odd and freaky.

Ex and boyfriend is ott but and unborn baby....well....

LeFrenchDilemma Tue 23-Dec-14 16:05:50

You do seem to have an in-depth knowledge of her life, though (who she's bought for, what she thought of BIL's gifts, when her shed was cleared out, etc)!

hmm knowing someone has moved house is hardly indepth. Also it was me she moaned too about BIL's gifts and i saw her DP's nieces presents on her sideboard today (saw the tags and recognised thier names).

And I've always bought presents for babies-to-be, I got lots too when pregnant (including from said SIL!) didn't realise it was 'odd' and 'freaky' confused

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Tue 23-Dec-14 16:06:55

Just buy for the children next year.

Storytown Tue 23-Dec-14 16:08:31

I though SIL had never bought a gift for DD grin

Only1scoop Tue 23-Dec-14 16:09:35

It is sound very thoughtful ....she is obviously not so.

Children only next year would be the best thing. I do find it hard to relate to a woman who would take 7 gifts from you....give you a card and not even mention or produce a gift for your dd.

erin99 Tue 23-Dec-14 16:10:02

Of course YANBU, but you obviously can't force her. Take this year on the chin. Next year check upfront as Optimistletoe suggests, or just don't buy for them.

LeFrenchDilemma Tue 23-Dec-14 16:13:42

There's obviously something wrong here - most people would be embarrassed to keep receiving presents and not reciprocating. Maybe she's hoping you take the hint and stop buying?

But this is the first year she hasn't 'officially' bought for us - last year she said she did (but obviously didn't). Before DD was born we bought presents for one another every year.

MagratsLongWhiteBeard Tue 23-Dec-14 16:15:55

Let this year go OP & just buy for the kids next year. Ring her in the New Year to see if her kids liked their presents perhaps?

Does she do birthdays?

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