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Is it me or my parents? Huge row.

(465 Posts)
Sequinscheermeup Tue 23-Dec-14 14:42:44

Will try to keep this short. I went out at the weekend for the second time this year. I go out once or twice a year. This is because I am a lone parent and have no childcare. Its fine, I am used to it. So last weekend I asked my parents to look after my children so that I could go out. We went and stayed at their house. They are not the easiest people in the world but I make the effort and they do seem to love the children. I have two dc. My parents have probably looked after them about seven times in their lives, my eldest is 11.

Anyway I drank too much, far far too much blush and the next day I was simply not capable to drive. Every other time they have had them I am always back by 10 am the next morning, I have never been late. I cannot tell you how ill I was, I don't even know if it was just hang over because we ate out too and I am wondering if there was food poisoning involved too as it is not like me to be so ill. As I couldn't stand up without being sick my sister (who I had gone out with) called my parents and said can you hang onto the kids for a bit "Sequins" is really ill and she can't drive like that. She said my Mum was clearly annoyed. So I slept for a bit longer then phoned her and explained that I couldn't drive. She was clearly angry.

In the end I managed to get home in the evening, I probably still shouldn't have been driving. My parents were kept informed throughout. On arrival they were absolutely furious and started shouting and yelling at me about this. I am afraid I refused to accept the bollocking as I felt it was undeserved and pointed out to them how much free childcare they had had from me for my siblings over the years (big age gap and from the age of about 11 I babysat constantly, ALL childcare during school holidays etc) different times back then I suppose. I also pointed out that I had done this many times at night until the early hours etc. In fact they have never had to pay for a babysitter for their youngest children because I did it all and quite often their friends children too. I also pointed out to my Dad who was ranting about me being too drunk to drive that I had witnessed repeated incidents of him being drunk and hung over and how it had impacted on our family as we grew up. He then tried to throw me out, relented and let me stay because my children were in bed and told me to "get out first thing tomorrow and that is it between us, we are finished". They have form for falling out with people for years and years. The following morning I left after a few cross words with my Mum, who still thought they were totally in the right.

Anyway if you have got through all that, I am feeling terrible about it all today, just so sad, its Christmas and my dc heard some of it and it was made clear what an imposition it was to have been looking after them. I don't know whether it should be me extending the olive branch or not, not that I feel much like it right now. Thanks for reading smile

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 23-Dec-14 14:47:36

I don't think you've done anything wrong; you got very drunk/ had dodgy food, so what?

Let them come to you, good luck!

hiddenhome Tue 23-Dec-14 14:47:51

Try acting a bit more responsibly in the future. Your kids are your responsibility.

Sequinscheermeup Tue 23-Dec-14 14:50:11

Yes, you are right they are hiddenhome. I do wonder how many times you ever get any down time from your children though? Is it more than twice a year?

DaisyFlowerChain Tue 23-Dec-14 14:50:24

You were in the wrong. They did you a favour, of which they are not obliged to do, and you totally took advantage by not turning up until the evening. Food poisoning lasts longer than a few hours the next day so it was very likely the drink.

Panzee Tue 23-Dec-14 14:51:40

Bad luck for getting in that state, I'd expect them to be a little miffed. I think their reaction is completely over the top, though.

hiddenhome Tue 23-Dec-14 14:52:24

Nope, the only time I get off is when I go to work. We have no family or babysitters at all. When I was a lone parent I didn't even have a glass of wine in case I needed to drive ds to A&E or whatever.

furcoatbigknickers Tue 23-Dec-14 14:53:16

Nope I think your parents are arseholes. I wouldn't be extendibg a branch or asking them to babysit.

Sequinscheermeup Tue 23-Dec-14 14:53:27

Do none of you think the years of free childcare provided by me for them and their friends make any difference at all here?

Daisy I am still ill today, four days on. I haven't eaten a meal in four days and have lost three pounds.

Sequinscheermeup Tue 23-Dec-14 14:54:07

You sound very self righteous hiddenhome. I take it you are not a lone parent now then?

furcoatbigknickers Tue 23-Dec-14 14:54:21

Bully for you hiddenhome

furcoatbigknickers Tue 23-Dec-14 14:55:21

Even if it was just booze so what, its twice a year fgs.

hiddenhome Tue 23-Dec-14 14:55:56

Self righteous? Nah, just a different mindset.

HarlotOTara Tue 23-Dec-14 14:55:59

Sorry you were ill, your parents are being totally unreasonable, especially as you use them for childcare so rarely and you did loads when you were younger. What on earth is wrong with helping out family?

furcoatbigknickers Tue 23-Dec-14 14:56:18

I will be expecting dd1 to babysit next year, she will be 14. I will be helping willing with all my grancchildren.

furcoatbigknickers Tue 23-Dec-14 14:56:50

You sound very self righteous hiddenhome. I take it you are not a lone parent now then?


hiddenhome Tue 23-Dec-14 14:58:44

Bully for you then Furcoat not all grandparents can be relied upon to babysit. The OP needs to accept that she alone is responsible for her kids.

Shodan Tue 23-Dec-14 15:00:28

Actually I think YANBU.

Yes, yes, they're not obliged to look after your kids, you don't know how lucky you are to have people who will blah blah blah.

But if it were my parents, or my PIL, or if it were MY DD who was a lone parent and having a well-deserved night out, AND I'd used her for childcare so frequently in the past, I'd think 'Good on you' and then 'Poor old you, hope you feel better soon, and don't worry about the kids, they're fine here'. And my parents and my PIL would be the same. Because they're not mean.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 23-Dec-14 15:00:35

I think for one night they could get over it! Jesus!

I don't get to go out much, but went out this weekend and did exactly the same blush

Luckily my DD was on holiday with her dad, but I did have to go to work!

Sophieelmer Tue 23-Dec-14 15:01:05

Your parents are being unreasonable and selfish. Not all single parents martyr themselves for the cause and there should be no reason for them to. Especially when they have family nearby that can support them.
I have been a single parent as well and am thankful that I have family that wouldn't think twice about looking after my dc, their Dn's or grandchildren. I feel the same and NEVER say no to caring for my nieces or nephews when I'm not at work and have even taking holiday to help out.

RufusTheReindeer Tue 23-Dec-14 15:01:14

There are lots of nasty bugs around, it may well be complete coincidence that you went out drinking at the same time

I can understand why they were cheesed off but I do think that they over reacted and it's up to them to extend the olive branch

And I think you are right...they didn't look after their children all the time, you did part of it. And while I think that it is part of being in a family it sounds like it was a lot more than children would normally need to do

DaisyFlowerChain Tue 23-Dec-14 15:01:38

I agree hidden, the only person responsible for the chidlren are their parents. Drinking to the point of not being able to drive or look after your own children the next day is irresponsible. It makes no difference whether it's a one off or not.

FWIW, I don't think siblings should provide childcare and it should be down to the parents to do that or to pay a babysitter. It doesn't over ride being rude or having an entitled attitude that others will pick up the slack for you.

Sequinscheermeup Tue 23-Dec-14 15:02:05

I DO accept that hiddenhome 363 days of the year. I asked for a favour for the second time this year and that's the response I got when I needed some leeway. From people who utilised MY childcare and babysitting services up to twice weekly at night and every day during the school holidays for around 8 years. Your posts are your opinion only, they do not mean that your view is correct.

BigPawsBrown Tue 23-Dec-14 15:02:05

I really do not understand why people can't be annoyed without telling you! You were apologetic, it was done, what's to be gained from them having a go at you? I am often annoyed internally but it's pretty rare I say it.

TheWitTank Tue 23-Dec-14 15:02:43

Your parents have been twats. I imagine that the truth stang and that was the reason you were kicked out-nobody likes being called out on their shortcomings.
Let them do the apologising.

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