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To think you don't invite overnight guests to someone else's house?

(62 Posts)
Normanpriceisnotarolemodel Tue 23-Dec-14 08:21:03

So 5 day before Christmas MIL announces that she wants us to host SIL and DN as well as herself and FIL next weekend. And implied that we are in the wrong for not inviting SIL in the first place. Bearing in mind we are seeing SIL and DN in two weeks time for DN's birthday and have never hosted them at Christmas, I am slightly bemused at this in the first place, never mind the late notice. I'm not unreasonable to think you don't invite overnight guests to someone else's house, am I? Never mind that we don't have enough beds, and I'll now have to arrange bedding, towels, extra food etc etc. Saying 'no' will cause reprisals, she's that kind of woman.

ApocalypseThen Tue 23-Dec-14 08:23:16

Has your husband lost the use of his hands and voice?

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel Tue 23-Dec-14 08:25:42

He does what his mum wants through fear of reprisals.

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 23-Dec-14 08:27:43

Saying 'no' will cause reprisals

What sort of reprisals? You can say no, it is your house and you are an adult.

'I'd like you to host SIL and DN next weekend'.
'No can do MIL, no space and we are seeing them in a fortnight anyway'.

ApocalypseThen Tue 23-Dec-14 08:28:36

Well tell him to start getting the linens out, start making a shopping list of what he thinks you'll need extra and let him get down to the supermarket. You don't both have to be put-upon wusses.

ILovePud Tue 23-Dec-14 08:28:47

YANBU, your MIL is being very rude, I do think that not saying 'no' will also cause reprisals though and that you'll be setting a precedent. I'd take a stand on this one and ignore any tantrums, or she'll just continue with this behaviour.

CaulkheadUpNorth Tue 23-Dec-14 08:29:53

"I've thought about having them to stay, and it would be lovely in an ideal world but we just don't have the room. That's why I've arranged to see them in a couple of weeks"

MinceSpy Tue 23-Dec-14 08:31:10

What sort of hold does MIL have over two adults to make you both fear reprisals? If you don't want or can't accommodate extra guests just say no.

Trapper Tue 23-Dec-14 08:32:52

Are your family mafioso? What sort of reprisals are you at risk of?

grumpyoldgitagain Tue 23-Dec-14 08:36:55

In that situation I would then stick MIL on an air bed in the lounge with a couple of thin blankets and give the bed she was having to SIL

If MIL invited her then she sacrifices her bed and suffers because of it

Liking Grumpy's solution! And if you have a cat/dog, do accidentally leave the door slightly ajar so that they can get in and cuddle bother her in the middle of the night!

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel Tue 23-Dec-14 08:46:56

This link (that I found on MN) describes her behaviours pretty accurately
parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

The mafioso comment made me laugh as she is actually descended from a notorious London gangland family!

Blondebiker4685 Tue 23-Dec-14 08:50:04

Of she does come ask her to bring towels, bedding and puddings

ShizeItsWeegie Tue 23-Dec-14 08:51:36

She actually SAiD there would be reprisals? : O

grumpyoldgitagain Tue 23-Dec-14 08:59:21

Are we safe offering advice then OP or will we all be getting a horses head in our beds

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 23-Dec-14 09:02:49

I'm revising my response:

I'd like you to host SIL and DN next weekend'.
'No can do MIL, at the risk of you putting a horse head in the bed, we have no space and we are seeing them in a fortnight anyway'.

londonrach Tue 23-Dec-14 09:04:08

Just do what grumpy suggested with the bed and ask mil to bring bedding etc as you havent enough.

YY to bringing bedding. I would also make sure there is a slow puncture on the air bed...

And some itching powder?

WhereHas1999DissappearedToo Tue 23-Dec-14 09:15:57

In principal it's easy to say no, but actually saying no could cause a major family fallout that could last till the following Christmas.

Gawjushun Tue 23-Dec-14 09:26:44

I agree that MIL should sacrifice her bed if she wants extra visitors. Go for camp beds rather than an air bed. It's impossible to have a good night in one of those bloody things. Also, DN should be sent in for a 5am Xmas wake up. Preferably after lots of chocolate.

canyou Tue 23-Dec-14 09:51:08

Does SIL and DN know they have been invited do they even want to/ have time to visit,
Do what Grumpy has saidgrin

timetoplay Tue 23-Dec-14 09:53:03

The only reason people behave this way is because they are allowed to. Standing up stops that, either they learn or stop getting invited. It's really hard with people pike this but if you don't do it you end up theirs for life.

Number3cometome Tue 23-Dec-14 09:54:20

*I'm revising my response:

I'd like you to host SIL and DN next weekend'.
'No can do MIL, at the risk of you putting a horse head in the bed, we have no space and we are seeing them in a fortnight anyway'.*

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup Tue 23-Dec-14 09:55:10

Say "that's good of you to not come, MIL so SIL can have your bed. Otherwise we would have stuck to the plans already made to see SIL in 2 weeks. Hope you have a good Christmas, wherever you are"

Or just say "No".

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