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To wonder if I'll ever have my evenings back?

(14 Posts)
mummyrunnerbean Mon 22-Dec-14 20:42:40

I've been trying to settle 5 month DS since 7. I feed him to sleep, I put him down, he wakes up and cries, I start again. Some nights I manage to sneak as far as the door before he wakes up- occasionally I even get 20 minutes to half-eat dinner- but basically it continues like this until we go to bed too, when he usually manages at least a couple of 2-3 hour stretches.

I have no idea how to wean him off needing to feed to settle without leaving him to cry which I just can't. Dummies have been forcefully rejected, as have cuddles from me or DP, rocking, swaying etc. he'll sleep in the sling but also wakes as soon as he's put down,. If we try to just keep him up with us/ put him to sleep in living room he just doesn't sleep and gets exhausted. I'm going mad being shut in the dark all bloody evening!! I think DP misses me too, though I understand he's making great strides with his ps4 game... hmm

littlehayleyc Mon 22-Dec-14 21:20:33

I feel your pain. My DD is now 4 but she went through a long phase of this around the same age as your DS. A lot of it seemed to be related to teething. It was very draining, and I felt like life was passing me by just lying there in the dark. She wouldn't settle with DH because breastfeeding was the only thing that would settle her. With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that it was a passing phase, and only lasted a relatively short time. Like you, there's no way I'd have left her to cry so we just muddled through and all turned out fine. Sometimes I used to get DD to sleep in the sling while reading DS a story. I'd just leave her in the sling for as long as possible so I could stay downstairs and eat. Does he sleep anywhere else during the day? The only way my DH could get our kids to sleep at that age was to put them in the pushchair and walk round the block a few times, then leave them in there until I got home smile

naty1 Mon 22-Dec-14 21:28:38

But young for controlled crying anyway.
Maybe patting them to sleep,
Or is that what you are doing.?
I found getting them to sleep without the breast they learnt to get to sleep by themself (and stay asleep)
So starting from naps without rocking/feeding etc
So making sure tired but not overtired, riubbing eyes

victoryinthekitchen Mon 22-Dec-14 21:58:24

hang on in there it gets a lot easier.

mummyrunnerbean Mon 22-Dec-14 21:58:38

We are still at it. Thanks for replying! Little I think maybe I just need to remember it will only be a phase though it feels endless. And Naty yeah - I just wish I could crack how to get him to sleep without feeding! Patting produces absolute outrage...

victoryinthekitchen Mon 22-Dec-14 21:59:36

hang on in there it gets a lot easier.

victoryinthekitchen Mon 22-Dec-14 22:00:17

sorry didn't mean to post twice - bloomin phone!!

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes Mon 22-Dec-14 22:00:57

You will get them back. And it will feel wonderful.

Hang on in there!

PoppyAmex Mon 22-Dec-14 22:07:15

Totally sympathise.

I have a 2.9yo and a 1yo, both HORRENDOUS sleepers (DD slept through the night for the first time when she was 15 months old and DS the eve before his 1st birthday).

I'm not totally out of the woods yet, but things have improved immensely and it's lovely. It does feel like forever just now, but it will get better.

I saw it like a year in the trenches and adopted that mentality.

Velvetbee Mon 22-Dec-14 22:56:41

You will get them back. Make the most of them though because he'll be a teenager soon and won't go to bed til 2am.

freelancegirl Mon 22-Dec-14 23:03:31

Ugh, DS was still wanting to feed to sleep every half a bloody hour in the evening at almost a year old, after midnight he might have had a 'long' stretch of 2-3 hours then every hour again. Some time before his first birthday I cracked and found the cash (£250) for a sleep consultation (I went with Andrea Grace but there are others). Within three or four nights he was sleeping through the night in his cot in his own room and I never had to feed to sleep again. He did start waking 2-3 times a night a few months later after holiday/illness/falling back into co-sleeping so we had a top up session with the trainer and with very little stress at all he seems to have finally got it. If you can get the money together I would fully recommend it. Someone who has experience of helping thousands of babies will have a plan that works and you can stick to. Our plans were both very gentle with no CIO involved. Good luck!

Stillwishihadabs Mon 22-Dec-14 23:06:12

I believe when they are 18.....

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Mon 22-Dec-14 23:10:45

You will. DD is 5 and DS id 8. Shock horror they both have TV in their rooms. ( 32 inch if any want to know) If they come down the tv goes off. They only ever come down if ill.

nottheOP Mon 22-Dec-14 23:11:59

Have you tried a cherry shaped dummy? Ds spat out the ortho ones but would take the cherry ones. Once he'd got used to dummies he'd take the better ones.

Biggest helps for breaking the feed to sleep associations are;

Gro bag

That order, strictly!

Your dp, neighbours, parent - basically anyone other than you

Avoid over tiredness. Awake time of 2.5 hours max

Settle in his cot where at all possible

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