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Or is my mum?

(18 Posts)
iamstegosaurus Mon 22-Dec-14 18:21:17

Myself DH and our DC are staying at my mum's for Christmas poor DS came out in chickenpox on sat (the day we got there) he's been OK just covered in spots and feeling vv sorry for himself sad . This morning while I was getting him dressed I noticed some very large lumps behind his ears, I thought they were probably gland's and called to my Dh to give a second opinion, he agreed with me. My mum overheard and asked me if I wanted her to call the dr I said no as I thought they were glands she pulled a face and walked off. I didn't think any more of it and carried on getting Ds dressed, the next thing my mum comes on the room holding the phone saying "I called the dr, they want to talk to you" I had a brief chat and they confirmed what I thought about the glands, gave general advice.
AIBU to think she overstepped the mark? she claims she was being a good grandparent. I'm still fumingangry

Wombat22 Mon 22-Dec-14 18:27:37

Why are you fuming? She was only trying to help confused and it only involved a phone call. I think you are over reacting. YABU

attheendoftheday Mon 22-Dec-14 18:33:15

I think it was your call and she overstepped the mark. Yanbu from me.

pictish Mon 22-Dec-14 18:35:16

Yanbu. Not her call. Meddlesome bisom.

Bunbaker Mon 22-Dec-14 18:38:08

She was worried. I think you are massively over-reacting. I really can't see why you would be fuming about this. Don't let it spoil your Christmas.

PrettyLittleMitty Mon 22-Dec-14 18:38:34

Yanbu. I would be mad if my mum did that, it's interfering and overstepping.

InanimateCarbonRod Mon 22-Dec-14 18:39:46

YANBU. No matter her intentions, she overstepped a boundary. Your child, your call.

LineRunner Mon 22-Dec-14 18:40:47

Who did you actually talk to? She wouldn't just get straight through to a doctor or nurse practitioner, surely.

Theboodythatrocked Mon 22-Dec-14 18:41:19

If you generally get in with your mum then you are being completely ott. She was trying to help and called her own doctor.

If I was concerned about a child's health I would really try to persuade the parent to seek medical attention in any case. In this case it's her grandchild who she presumably loves as much as she loves you.

It sounds like you are having a tough time so think you are feeling fragile and protective. Naturally.

Don't argue with your mum. Take care.

saturnvista Mon 22-Dec-14 18:41:52

Ynbu. Your DM doesn't seem to understand that her role as a grandparent is different to a parenting role, nor that there is a chain of command here for want of a better term. She is there to support the parent, not do her own thing on the side. Going over someone's head without being respectful enough to discuss the issue first is very provocative anyway.

iamstegosaurus Mon 22-Dec-14 18:42:56

I'm fuming because I said I didn't want to call the dr, she did it anyway. not only do I feel she overstepped the mark as both his parents were there so it was our call not hers but she's also wasted the drs time as they told me what I already knew. And she is not at all apologetic.

saturnvista Mon 22-Dec-14 18:43:43

It's frightening how many people can't see a problem with this. Boundaries are healthy.

Bunbaker Mon 22-Dec-14 18:45:09

Cut her some slack. You are staying at her house. She will be very concerned about her grandchild. I don't see the problem.

Fairenuff Mon 22-Dec-14 18:45:46

When she offered you the phone, you should have said 'No thanks, I told you not to bother the doctor' and refused to take the call.

CarbeDiem Mon 22-Dec-14 18:49:57

Yanbu she shouldn't have done it. If she was so worried she could have spoken to you about it and suggest that you call the GP. You are the parent and perfectly capable of making a judgement.
Does she often interfere?

FunkyPeacock Mon 22-Dec-14 18:53:19

I would be irritated yes but not fuming

Unless there is a big back story of her overstepping boundaries then I would let it go. She was probably just trying to be useful/helpful

TidyDancer Mon 22-Dec-14 18:54:13

Fuming? Really?

I could maybe stretch to thinking she perhaps overstepped the mark slightly, but mild annoyance would be my only thought. Fuming seems an OTT reaction.

iamstegosaurus Mon 22-Dec-14 18:58:15

she doesn't overstep boundaries often but I've needed genuine help and support in the past and she hasn't given it which is maybe why I'm so upset now.

Yes it is her house and if she was on her own with ds and worried about his health then she wnbu but both me and my dh were there and not overly concerned.

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