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To be upset about this?

(36 Posts)
D0oinMeCleanin Mon 22-Dec-14 16:24:52

I wanted our first Christmas to be better than any Christmas we've ever had.

I've worked my arse off since we've left ex to save for xmas and make sure the kids get everything they've asked for (I know this is stupid and that Christmas is not about the gifts)

I bought the best decorations we could afford (which tbh, wasn't much. We had to start to from scratch) My dad made us some stuff and let the kids paint and glitter it. I was really pleased with it all. It looked better than our house evr had since EX hated paying for decorations.

Then Ex put a video of his house on FB (which has been fully redecorated and refurnished with only the best curtosey of ex-sil) She's also bought him numerous all singing, all dancing x-mas decorations and a tree that makes ours look like a stick we've picked up from the park.

There's no way we could have afforded all of that and gifts and food for all the pets the kid's have collected since we've left.

I am (ridiculously, I know) upset about this. Why is it fair that he gets to keep all the furniture (which he then binned anyway) and not pay maintenance, leaving us skint, having to have paid for all new furniture and then get to have everything bought for him to make his house far more magical this Christmas than mine?

thatsn0tmyname Mon 22-Dec-14 16:28:09

De-friend him on Facebook for a start. Then put him to the back of your mind. The magic of Christmas is the relationship you have with your children, not sparkly tat. Sorry to be harsh.

Littleturkish Mon 22-Dec-14 16:30:00

Block him on facebook. You have your beautiful children- you can't buy them for any amount of money.

Medge68 Mon 22-Dec-14 16:30:28

Yours is more magical - you sound as if you and the kids have put your heart, soul and love in to it. He's just got his sister to chuck money at his. Have a lovely Christmas xx

spinduchess Mon 22-Dec-14 16:30:31

Agree. If you cut him out of your life completely, you wouldn't know to be upset. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to exes.

TheFirstSolo Mon 22-Dec-14 16:31:01

Ignore him! your children will see him for what he is; afterall, he didn't bother when they were actually living under the same roof as him.
You and they will have a great Christmas! you all have so much more than he'll ever have. flowers

TheWitTank Mon 22-Dec-14 16:31:18

flowers
How did he manage to keep all the furniture and not pay maintenance?
Your Christmas will be fabulous. It sounds wonderful -nothing beats homemade decs and winter walks and Christmas movies. It's all about the feeling. Enjoy your special Christmas and don't be sad about what you don't have. Appreciate the lovely things you do-have fun!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 22-Dec-14 16:35:40

Having "stuff" doesn't make Christmas happy. Your Christmas has been built with love & hard work, the DCs will have a fabulous time fgrin.

A flashy tree is just a flashy tree - it won't be what the DCs remember about this Christmas when they are older.

Stripylikeatiger Mon 22-Dec-14 16:35:47

I don't think kids really notice decorations or how much money has been spent, my loveliest memory of Christmas when I was a child was the year we made paper chains, it must have cost pennies but I really loved it.

Don't be upset, your dc probably couldn't care less who has the flashiest most expensive lights/tree.

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 22-Dec-14 16:50:10

I don't think dd1 has noticed. She is far too enthralled with her new phone to notice anything that is not posted to Instagram hmm She got the one she needed in the end and has spent the last fortnight randomly hugging me and telling me how amazing I am and how her phone is the best birthday present she has ever had or ever will have grin

Dd2 has told me in great detail all about his dancing Santa, although she did concede that a dancing Santa would be far too much stimulation for her kitten and that kittens are better than dancing Santas anyway. Maybe we'll get one next year when her kitten is a cat (she is holding the kitten fully responsible for the fact that we don't have any moving decorations yet)

I know that our Christmas will be great and that we have things he'll never have. It just feels a bit like a kick in teeth I've worked hard for what we have and he's just had to hold out his hand. I do realise how silly I am being btw.

UterusUterusGhali Mon 22-Dec-14 16:51:53

Oh Dooin. fsad

You know that's not what Christmas is about, right? And the kids will remember how they felt, not who had the most gaudy decorations.

neme Mon 22-Dec-14 16:53:20

He'll always be a needy useless dickwad even with a splendid set of decorations. Your DDs are too sensible to be swayed by all that rubbish and you're the examplehey'll look to in life, not him.
And yes, ditch him on FB.

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 22-Dec-14 17:10:24

I know that Uterus, that's what is so ridiculous about me being upset this.

We're not even going be here on Xmas day. We are going to my mum's who not only has a dancing santa, but all their cousins and aunties too and dd2 is allowed to bring her kitten (as long as promises not to let it eat the dancing santa)

It is going to be the best day. No-one is going to be yelling at dd2 for refusing to not be vegetarian this one day hmm dd1 is not going to spend the day sulking in her room because her shoes were wrong.

Dd2 is getting an icecrem maker for X-mas and is allowed to spend the day making ice-cream for all of her cousins and dd1 can be as over dressed as she wants to be, no one is going to care that her favourite shoes don't match her ridiculously faffy prom dress. She can change as many times as she wants to. No-one will care that she looks silly in the photos.

I know all of this is far more important than glittery tinfoil and dancing santas. I still hate him grin

MyrnaLoy Mon 22-Dec-14 17:45:38

I can't remember who said that thing about how others can only make us feel inferior with our permission (Eleanor Roosevelt?) but this is one of those times when it's really true I think.

I love the sound of the things your children made with your Dad - it sounds like the proper stuff of Christmas. It also sounds as though everything you have done as a family since you left has been about making a wonderful new life - don't let him have the power of tainting that for you.

MyrnaLoy Mon 22-Dec-14 17:46:25

Cross-post.

And hating him sounds perfect to me. grin

TheMuppetsSingChristmas Mon 22-Dec-14 17:58:36

Having followed your story for years D0oin, can I simply say - thank fuck you're out! You'll have a whale of a time, all of you. Eat, drink, be merry (except the kitten, no dancing santa eating please!) grin

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 22-Dec-14 19:01:08

I haven't a weekend off for 3 months, ergo no drink for 3 months sad

I fully intend to be pissed by the end of breakfast (since I'm not cooking this year I can drink all day) so the eat, drink and be merry shouldn't be an issue fgrin

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 22-Dec-14 19:18:45

Hmm. It would seem I was meant to react to this video. Someone commented "Nice tree mate" to which he replied "Cheers bud. I wanted it to be special for the kids. They haven't got much of a tree at theirs coz the kitten she got keeps eating it"

Dd1 has just commented "We have a got tree, you big liar!!!! We decorated it ourselfs. It has glittery shoes on it. Does your tree have glittery shoes?! NO!!!!! And the angel looks me, does your star look like me?! NO!!! and SHE never got us a kitten. SHE is allergic to the kitten. Dsis got the kitten off nanna and we'd rather have a kitten than a plastic tree anyway so nurr!!!!"

peppapigonaloop Mon 22-Dec-14 19:23:39

Your dd1 rocks! I've never commented on your threads but have seen lots and am so glad you are away from that useless arse! Have a fab xmas!

Hairylegs47 Mon 22-Dec-14 19:31:55

I can see why you're angry - I would be too

But

Your DDs have seen through him. You've brought up 2 great dd, you deserve a medal and to have the best Christmas ever!

As for your EX, what's the song again??

Let it go.
Merry Christmas to you all.

Marmiteandjamislush Mon 22-Dec-14 19:39:37

You left him for a reason. Your kids will be more grateful for that than all the materialistic tat in the world. I can understand you being peeved, 'cos he's making out like he's come up roses and is Disney dad. He hasn't. You have, you are free of him and his dreck and about to have a fab family Christmas together (with some very groovy sounding decs IMO!)

YouTheCat Mon 22-Dec-14 19:39:50

For all his lovely extravagant tree and decorations, who will be sharing it all with him?

You'll be having a fantastic time with your kids.

They are already seeing through how shittily he behaves. The only loser in this is him and he deserves it anyway.

It's not a competition. You have a fantastic time. x

WorraLiberty Mon 22-Dec-14 19:49:09

FFS block him off Facebook

Tell your DD to stop 'speaking' to her Dad like that, especially in public.

And have a Merry Christmas.

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 22-Dec-14 19:52:46

He's got them x-mas eve and x-mas morning up until about 11am. I have them for the rest of the day. This is what dd2 decided. Dd1 is unsure as to whether she is going to his yet. She might come to work with me instead (my boss has okayed this, she can either help out the back with his oldest son and he'll pay her £10 for the night or play in the office with his youngest son)

He's deleted all of the comments now fhmm Dd1 is not letting it go that easily and has put "Why did you delete my thing? Why are you telling lies about our tree? The kitten hasn't even eat the tree, you big meanie, why would we let our kitten eat plastic?!" I have advised her to stop or I'll have to take her right arm phone away for the rest of the night.

I feel a bit better now. If I'd known glittery shoe tree decorations were all it took to make them happy they could have had hundreds of them. They were only from the 99p shop fgrin

The kitten hasn't actually eaten the tree bit it has knocked off several branches and decimated our tinsel and baubles.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 22-Dec-14 19:56:17

Your Christmas sounds much better, than a glitzy made up showy ensemble. It's done with love and thought, and laughter, that's what it's all about, your DDs will see past the veneer, you cannot hide who a persons really like.

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